I'm Back, Baby!

Two and a half weeks later, we've survived a snowstorm, 11 days without any power, heat, or running water, several days of dealing with other customers in similar situations at one of the only places in town with power and internet, and a two or three several-day-long runs between showers.

I don't want to say "It all really sucked," even though it did. I was cold from the moment I got home until halfway to work every day; we were showering at Ryan's father's house every couple of days; we only had the chance to do laundry there once, so I was wearing a lot of dirty clothes; I was brushing my teeth at work every morning; we were melting snow to flush the toilet; and finally, we missed the season premiere of Bones. The misery!

On the other hand, we were relatively lucky in that we had a couple of places to go to charge things and shower and feel warm for a little bit. Going to work was a definite lifesaver, most of the time. I say "most of the time" because by the last couple of days, I felt filthy and stupid and just...not human. I was a wreck. Mom got power back on Tuesday, so I was able to shower before work, and it made a huge difference. I didn't have to concentrate to remember which were the big lids or little lids, which coffee needed to be brewed, or if 8 was 5 plus 2 or 3.

...I'm not kidding, by the way. It was always that number, too; Sunday and Monday, every time I had to create 8 dollars in change, I had to think if I added one or two singles to the five. What the hell.


Ryan stayed surprisingly upbeat during the whole thing, especially once we borrowed the radio from Mom and he had music to fill the hours. We also did our best to be productive, which resulted in our little home being almost completely furnished and decorated to our hopes, something we thought would take a couple of months. I'd come home to find a few pictures hung up, or the kitchen organized, or the bookcase rearranged.

Of course, he also racked up over 30 hours in Final Fantasy V on his GameBoy DS, but whatever. It's not like I read through 5 books in as many nights or anything...

I am extremely proud of Ryan for his humor and optimism throughout the entire thing, especially as he was the worst off of the two of us. He had no job to go to for distraction, his favorite activities all require internet or at least electricity, and a combination of no running dehumidifier and several hours of smoky candles every night made him wheeze and cough and snore like you wouldn't believe.

The biggest difference this made to us, besides being pretty miserable for almost two weeks and spending way more on fast food than I would like to admit, is the diet. Ryan had planned on starting his cleanse, the first 10 days of his 100 day extreme diet, on Monday the 31st. Due to the fact that cleanses usually involve, you know, cleansing one's system, and we were resorting to flushing our toilet infrequently with melted snow (a toilet, I should add, that resides in a room with no windows to either let in light or let out smells), he decided to postpone the cleanse, for the sake of both our comfort and our relationship.

We finally got power back on Tuesday evening, and have been thoroughly enjoying it the past two days...even if we spent almost the entirety of Wednesday out of the house. We can watch TV! We can run the dehumidifier! We don't have to go to sleep at 10 just because we're bored! The amazement never ends!

Yesterday we bought $70 dollars of fruits and vegetables, last night he had his last soda (Coca-Cola), last beer (Stella Artois), and last pizza (Frank Pepe in Manchester, half sausage and peppers, half chicken and bacon), and today began The Cleanse. His breakfast was an Apple Pear smoothie, made with 2 apples, 2 pears, half a cup of grapes, a chunk of ginger, and some cinnamon. Pretty tasty! We also updated our Wii Fit Plus profiles to start fresh, and Ryan decided to do a run. He covered a little over three miles in half an hour, burning almost 350 calories! Color my impressed.

I am being a weenie and not doing a cleanse. It's party being a wimp over not wanting to eat only fruits and veggies for 10 days, and part is being concerned with how I'd fare at work. Besides, someone has to eat the leftover now-forbidden food left in the house, right?

On Sunday, the 20th, we'll start the next, biggest phase: 90 days following an almost vegan diet: no meat, no dairy, no processed food, no sugar, no caffeine, staying almost entirely to produce, whole grains, and legumes.

In the next 10 days, I'll be doing a combination of weaning and last hurrahs, getting in my last bits of favorite soon-to-be-off-limits foods while lessening the amount of fat, sugar, caffeine, and dairy I partake in each day. Have I mentioned where I work? Have I asked for many wishes of good luck?

Honestly, I am looking forward to it, to the challenge of it, the healthy habits we'll be learning, and the undoubtedly delicious creations Ryan will be whipping up for us with his new pantry.

I'll keep you posted!

Lesson One: It's Not That Scary, Ya Big Wuss.

Man, purposefully not updating for a week has really thrown me off. Blah.

Right, like I wasn't off before.

Yesterday was an interesting work day. It was pretty busy when I got there, and pretty much stayed that way for half my shift. The second half...dead. Things were done done done by seven thirty, so I got to leave around ten to nine, forty minutes before my shift was scheduled to end. Score!

Got home, found chicken on a plate on a counter, being squished under the sugar bin with lemon sitting all over it. Oooo!

Dinner was that chicken, also seasoned with salt and pepper, cooked on the panini press/grill I got Ryan for our anniversary, then sauteed with red and yellow pepper and garlic and white wine and served with linguine. It was delicious, and it was my first informal cooking class...

Both Mom and I joked, upon our engagement, that now I need to learn how to cook. Then Ryan was sick for four days, and I stepped up to the plate and bravely drove out to the local array of fast food places to feed myself and my sick man. It was a lesson...well, no, it was a highlighter stroke over the lesson that I need to learn how to cook real food. So we're working on it bit by bit.

I managed to switch shifts around with a co-worker, so I now have Tuesday off, which will be the first day Ryan and I will have off together since we got engaged. We're finally going to celebrate! Probably with pizza and champagne! Woo! Party!

Speaking of shifts, I have mine in a little while, so it's off to feed and clothe myself and all that junk. Ciao!

Best Part: It Rained All Day.

Today...was a good day. With Ryan. :)

[o] Slept in
[o] Lunch at Panera
[o] Boppin' around the mall
[o] Found Teavana, which is an extremely dangerous place to find if you even slightly like tea, LET ME TELL YOU
[o] Brought last two cupcakes to Shift D & Em, the last two night people who hadn't had any
[o] Hung out at my Starbucks and talked with D, Em, JC, and Aurelie, who happened to be there studying
[o] Had delicious dinner: bison burger with bacon, cheddar cheese, and barbecue side, with fries and fanTAStic kosher dills on the side
[o] Made cupcakes, my best so far: upped the leavener so they're light & fluffy instead of thick & dense, and upped the vanilla so they're tastier. Baking skill go up!
[o] Watched Zombieland, which I've wanted to watch for quite a while. Extremely funny and entertaining.

Tomorrow is back to work...poo. I'm still very upset over the transfer, to the point where it's making me think about a lot of things in my life. It seems silly but...there it is.

There is a bigger update coming up, I promise. Love to all!

Today!

Today:
[o] Finished the icing for yesterday's cupcakes. They're cinnamon-sugar, the icing got flavored with maple syrup. I'm calling them French toast cupcakes. :D
[o] Brought said cupcakes in, along with the oatmeal chocolate chip muffins. Both were met with smiles and good taste reviews, but the crown definitely went to the muffins. Need to make those again, maybe with some more pizzazz...hmmm...
[o] Work kinda sucked. I loved the people, but the shift dragged, and I just...I couldn't get out of my own head, kept dwelling on the transfer and how scared I am of the new store and how much I belong at this one and aaaaaa
[o] Got off work, came out, where Aurelie had been chilling between watching Shark Week with BJ and waiting for me to get off while they raided starting at 8. We attempted to eat out, but didn't feel up to all the people, and ended up picking up some groceries from Meijer and eating mac n cheese in front of a muted TV while talking for a few hours.
[o] Finally got on the computer, have posted some picture, caught up with Tumblr and Reader and Facebook, and am ready to climb into bed and watch some stuff with Ryan before sleepytimes.

Tomorrow is a quick trip to the bank, work for 4 1/2 hours, grocery shopping, and going out somewhere with Aurelie, LeAnna, and other peoples. Yays.

At Least They've Gotten A Glimpse Of The Real, Awkward Me.

I didn't sleep well last night. More specifically, I didn't do very well at getting to sleep.

Ryan and I got up and went to my Starbucks. My new Starbucks. I figured that I would go and introduce myself and make a nice first impression and be a grown-up if it killed me.

I was so awkward. I recognized all three of the workers, but only one recognized me, and when I mentioned that I'd be there in less than two weeks they were completely surprised. I ordered and paid for our drinks before Ryan reminded me that we were also getting something to eat. I hate to admit to one of my soon-to-be-co-workers that I couldn't remember her name, and she didn't really let me know if I needed to tell her mine again or not. Then they were busyish with drive-thru and I had to leave without really getting a chance to get to know them.

G'AH.

We got home, and I got myself ready to bake some Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Muffins...only to discover that we didn't have enough chocolate chips. We had just enough time to run out and get some from CVS before Ryan had to go to work...then found that they don't sell chocolate chips at CVS. Every other thing you might need for baking stuffed in aisle, but not chocolate chips. So I got a couple big bars of Hershey Dark and went with it.

The evening was better. I baked the muffins, washed everything, then baked some cupcakes, and even ad-libbed with them! I didn't just make vanilla cupcakes, I made cinnamon sugar cupcakes. There would be maple frosting on them, but (a) we're out of confectioner's sugar, and (b) by the time I remembered the bowl of leftover icing in the fridge it was latish.

I exercised, which was extremely painful but rewarding. Roommates came home and we all vented and shared and stuff. Took a shower. Now I'm about to watch some Netflix in bed with Ryan. Feeling a little glum again about the transferring thing, but...*shrug*

The funny thing is, I've had two more things to post about here, but every day there's enough other stuff or not enough time. They're not big things, just...things worth posting.

One I can kinda put in a nutshell via a link: March Man Madness. It's weird and silly and random and you might not get it. There's not much to get, because it's weird and random, but...well, there it is.

The other thing will have to wait. For now, bed.

My Mini-Vacation, Day 4.

What I did today:

[o] Futzed with more photographs
[o] Went to my Bux to hang out with people for a couple of hours
[o] Went to Hobby Lobby and dorked around a bit with AD
[o] Made dinner with Ryan (eggs and bacon, yum!_
[o] Attempted to make chocolate cupcakes....

We had the recipe for chocolate cupcakes, we had the ingredients for chocolate cupcakes, everything was peachy...until I went to add the brown sugar, and found that the container we kept it in wasn't even close to airtight, and the brown sugar had turned into rock candy. We chipped out enough to get the molasses flavor before giving up and substituting the rest with regular sugar, but the time it took changed the nature of the batter. So instead of chocolate cupcakes, we have cupcake-shaped fudge brownies. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not what I was going for. I'm a bit disappointed, as I was more in charge of this baking project than on previous ones, but again--fudge brownies. Not a bad thing.

I realized as I was baking, that I am a lucky fool. I'm a fool in that I had a childhood filled with cooking and baking, with my stepfather David doing his best to instill the love for it in me, and it just...never seemed to stick. I enjoyed the time spent with him in the kitchen, but I never had the inclination to do anything on my own. I've always felt guilty about that.

I'm lucky, first off, that I had someone in my life to plant that first seed, someone to coax and urge and gently push, even when I was a complete teenager about it. I am lucky, now, that I'm finally learning the joys of it, and that I again have someone to gently coax and urge and coach and push. Both of them have been extremely patient with my trepidation and second-guessing, firm about my doing it on my own without constant hand-holding or pampering, and encouraging of my successes without coddling. I have been spoiled with these presences in my life, and I couldn't be grateful or happy for it :)

This is the last day of my mini-vacation. I've spent most of it doing errands and chores; I cleaned up around the house, did dishes and endless loads of laundry, cooked and helped to cook, baked and helped to bake, caught up on correspondence, done the budgeting and planning and busywork to keep our teensy two-person "household" going...and I've enjoyed every second of it. It certainly helped that I still had the time to spend on art and socializing, and that I had my favorite person with me for half of it.

I'm looking forward to going back to work--I miss the people more than anything, but I also miss the barring and customer interaction to some weird degree. I blame the brainwashing. Still, it's been a lovely rest, and I can't wait until I get actual vacation time and can do this on a more regular basis!

Working and Dinner and Michigan, Oh My!

Sonova--! I did it again! Argh!

So, on Saturday I wrote about having just two of us and getting slammed until another partner arrived? Well, yesterday was the same, except I was the partner that arrived to save the drive-thru person. I then spent the rest of my shit going out of my mind with my co-worker, both of us laughing like loons and acting completely insane. :)

Then Ryan and I both got home, and he asked if we had any white wine for his dinner idea. We did not, and Indiana doesn't sell alcohol on Sundays, BUT! Michigan does! And the state line is only 5 minutes from my work! So Sameh and Ryan and I piled into my car and went to Michigan to visit a liquor store and Wal*Mart (our first time in one since Connecticut. It was the same. Surprise, surprise.). Then we came home and Ryan made a ridiculously delicious dinner involving olive oil, garlic, three peppers (red, orange, and yellow), the aforementioned white wine, chicken, and linguine. OMF.

We watched The Forbidden Kingdom as we watched, a fun movie with Jackie Chan and Jet Li doing what they do best.

Today is going to be long. Yesterday morning I woke up and was unable to breathe through my nose. Today I woke up with clear nostrils, but a sore throat. And I have an eight hour shift. Yay!

It's funny, over the past two months my hours have been cut so much that I've gotten used to shifts being only six hours, or even shorter. Now the full length ones feel like an eternity. Oy.

Our area has a Winter Weather Warning for tomorrow, soooo that'll be fun, too! :D

Marbles and Dragons and Pride, Oh My!

Forgot to post yesterday--sorry about that! It was a normal sort of a day, I guess--got up, went to work, came home, showered, ate dinner, watched Bones with roommate & boyfriend. The only things that were different from the norm were my health, my mood, and dinner.

My health was really good! I mean, I was (and still am) sniffly and drippy and sneezy and all that fun nose stuff, but ENERGY! OMIGOD! Not only did I make myself breakfast, I did dishes! I cleared the sidewalk of ice while my car was warming up! I didn't feel like there were cement blocks tied to my feet! WOW!

Of course, half an hour into my shift, some customer did something snotty--I don't even remember what it was now--and my mood plummeted. I spent the rest of the shift feeling bitter and rageful toward all my customers. Grrr.

Dinner was something Ryan had never cooked before--pork! He had expressed some boredom with chicken the last time we were grocery shopping, and got a big ol' package of pork medallions to play around with. After some fiddling and thinking, he made us pork-fried rice, and it was delicious. Huzzah!

Today has been spent at the desk, first taking over 130 pictures, then playing with them until I had 14 pieces of art that I am extremely proud of. I used my two favorite macro-shot props: the necklace Auntie M sent me for my birthday this past year, and the marbles David sent me for my "novel photo shoot." I also had my most favorite photography tool of all time: bright sunlight streaming in through the window.

They ended up with almost a fantasy theme, the marbles taking the parts of the sun, the moon, the sky, etc, and the coil doing its best to play a dragon's tail. The best parts of some of the pictures, the gorgeous colors within the marbles, are almost entirely untouched in Photostop, which is humbling in an odd way. Still--very happy!

I'll be posting them on the photo tumblr over the next few days. This past month of sickness (mine and Ryan's) combined with the full time job have made me rethink the take-a-picture-every-day rule. I'm still going to try, but I'm also going to stop considering it "cheating" if I post a picture I didn't take that specific day. I'll try to at least photoedit it that day, but even then...some days, it's just not going to happen. I hate it, but there it is.

Ryan and I are off to do some errands, and then it's another night of watching Bones with da roommates. Tomorrow is mostly a day off, with a three-hour shift in the evening to cover a partner. Huzzah, three more hours for my paycheck!

The Assassin Arrives!

Today was longer and busier than I was prepared for, so this will be on the short side, BUT here is a rundown:

[o] got to the Main St Starbucks to get my tips ($18 for 6 hours; not bad, but not the Legendary Holiday Tips I'd heard about)
[o] got to the bank and deposited checks and cash and got laundry quarters
[o] went to the store to get necessities
[o] editing a good number of photos
[o] posted a few photos
[o] went in to work 45 minutes early to help with the unexpected busy-ness combined with the order FINALLY arriving today

But...the best part of the day...

The mixer arrived! :D

Ryan got it in Blue Willow, which is lighter than it looked online, but is nontheless bee-yoo-tiful. Ryan got home, unpacked it, went to the store, read through a good chunk of Alton Brown's baking book, then made a pound cake, which came out of the oven when I got home. It is delicious.

Ryan is extremely pleased with the mixer. I am extremely pleased that my boyfriend now wants to bake up a storm.

I am going to eat dinner now, and take a shower, and go to bed, and sleeeeeep....until 8:30, when Ryan gets up and I get up as well so I can do laundry before work. Yay.

Turkey Day 2010

I would have loved to update yesterday with a great Thanksgiving post, but Google went all wonky on my computer, and I was unable. Oh well.

Worked from a little before 11 (I arrived to a crazy rush) to 4, barring and doing lots of dishes as I basically couldn't serve customers directly with my voice. We joked that I could answer the drive-thru with "Hi, welcome to Starbucks, would you like some plague?" I did have to answer twice, and the second time it was a girl who sounded just like me ordering a cider. We had a commiserating smile at the window as I croaked her total and "Happy Thanksgiving" and she croaked "Happy Thanksgiving" in return.

Food-wise...this was a fantastic Thanksgiving.

Ryan made apple and pumpkin pies in advance on Wednesday, and BJ made a cranberry salad and deviled eggs. The day of, Ryan roasted the turkey and made mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, two small chocolate pudding pies (just for me!), and gravy. BJ and Sameh made corn pudding and noodles. I helped here and there and did the cooking dishes and took pictures of delicious food and cleared the fridge for leftovers.

It. Was. SO GOOD.

If I had to pick a favorite...I don't know if I can, actually. And considering there was a HUGE put of mashed potatoes, and this is me we're talking about, understand just how good everything was for me to not immediately name the spuds as the winner. The corn pudding was fantastic, the gravy was amazing (Sameh and I are conspiring to keep Ryan in a constant flow of roastable birds just so he can keep us in good gravy), the bird was juicy and flavorful, etc etc. I even had a small amount of BJ's cranberry salad, even though I don't like most of the ingredients (cherries, pineapple, almonds), and it was very sweet and tasty. NOM!

And if you don't want to read about it...

Clockwise from the upper left: Turkey, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, deviled eggs, cranberry salad, corn pudding, apple pie, pumpkin pie, two miniature chocolate pudding pies, seasoning that no one touched.


*drool*

I'm currently waiting for Ryan to arrive home, as it is currently a quarter past noon, the exact time he gets off work. I hope he's survived his 8-hour Black Friday shift intact. I also hope that he found those mixers he's been eying at a good price and bought himself one! :D

And now, off to spend my day off writing and WoWing and eating leftovers and comforting the tired Ryan...

Gas Leaks And Frog Voice And Cooking, Oh My!

Got woken up at 5:30 in the morning by BJ banging on our door, saying he'd just had a talk with my store manager online, there was a gas leak on the road my store is on, and the entire road was closed, so no work until further notice.

...k. *Zzzz*

I later learned that some of my co-workers had been loaned out to other stores for the day, but my manager let me stay home since I'm sick. Aw. Also, when the road was cleared and the store reopened at 5 this evening, she didn't call me in for the rest of my shift, again, to give me time to get better. Double aw.

I love my manager.

This sore throat, on the other hand, is completely uncooperative. I had an extra day off! I slept in! I drank cup after cup after cup of hot, honeyed tea! I took my cough medicine like a good girl!

I feel worse than I did this morning!

Well, wait, let's qualify that: am I worse in the sneezing, sniffling, dripping, sinus-related categories? No, actually, in those I am very improved. Am I worse in the throat category? Oh hell yeah. My voice is all but gone, and after a painless day, this evening sees mild pain when swallowing and swollen glands.

What the eff, man. What the eff.

Tomorrow is a short day (11 to 5) AND there's a good chance of hours being cut if it's slow, so I'm hoping I won't be too miserable. As it is, everything aside from my throat feels fine, and I am thankful for that. I am also thankful for my awesome boss, and my gift of a day off, which I used to drink gallons of tea and edit.

Sadly, the editing only garnered me an extra 600 words. Well, probably more than that, except I also took off some words, soo...yeah. I realized that I'm editing myself out of the NaNo win, BUT! I kept the original file untouched and am editing in a save-as file I created the second I wrote "the end," so I might borrow what I deleted and then tack on the 1,061 words I lost two weeks ago when I go to officially calculate. Might not help me make it, but it can't hurt. After all, I wrote all that! For the one story! IT COUNTS!

On the Ryan front, he came home with even more groceries, and is baking up a storm in the kitchen. The apple pie is almost done, the graham cracker crust for the pumpkin pie is next, and he's specially making a tiny little chocolate pudding pie just for me. *heart*

Last night saw BJ preparing his contributions: corn pudding, cranberry salad, and deviled eggs (there might have been more, I can't remember). The turkey is thawing away. Tomorrow, Ryan's getting up early and doing all of the main cooking himself while the three of us are at work. He plans to have it all warm and ready to eat by the time we all get home.

As if I didn't already have an overwhelming stack of evidence that I'm with Mr. Perfect.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's chicken noodle soup calling my name.

7,729!

Despite having missed an entry yesterday, I have to make this a fast post, as dinner will be ready minutarily. It's a word now.

Yesterday was a bust for writing, but today netted me over 3,000 words, bringing me grand total as of tonight to 7,729. I'm pretty pleased with that number, and with how it's going, although I am always fearful of running headlong into a brick wall of writer's block.

Having today off was really the key. That and caffeine. I went to my Starbucks and settled down for 7 hours, downing an iced grande eggnog chai, grande no water 5-pump Earl Grey tea latte, and a grande no water 5-pump Awake tea latte. All nummy, all incredibly helpful.

In unrelated news, I have to get up early tomorrow, and thus go to bed early tonight. Whee!

Tomorrow is 8 to 2, with writing to follow. Saturday is my second day off this week, and will be spent in a similar fashion to today, without the having to go to bed early as I don't have work until noon on Sunday. Again: whee!

And now, I have a bacon-wrapped, brown sugar and garlic powder seasoned, dee-licious chicken breast to get to. Night!

To Reiterate: :)

Today, in contrast to yesterday, was a through-and-through good day.

I had a good think after getting up on the early side.
I stumbled on a very nice little park while trying to round-about my way to the just-okay park.
I had a good think at the park. A very good think. A soul-contentedness kind of think.
Had a good talk with Ryan after I got back.
Got to work with H, Boss Lady, and L, all of which I really, really enjoy working with. Also, L was in a good mood, which means feisty and giggly. And working with Boss Lady is always just fan-freaking-tastic.
Got out of work an hour early.
Left work with what may be my new favorite drink: vanilla rooibos tea latte with vanilla syrup (or, as I called it on Facebook, a double-vanilla rooibos latte).
Returned home to find that Ryan did indeed get my text about getting out early and put the soup on so it was hot when I arrived.
Also found that Ryan had gone grocery shopping, getting my bagels, iced tea, milk, and....BUTTERSCOTCH PUDDING. I'm keeping him.

The only thing that could have made the day better...

...

Nope. It was pretty damned good. :)

Tomorrow is my last day of five work days in a row, 1 to 9:30, and then I have Sunday off. Sunday is the first South Bend NaNoWriMo meet-up, and I'm really excited about it! I plan on spending a little while at my store first, reacquainting myself with my novel idea, since I haven't touched it in over a week.

Next week's schedule is interesting--two 8-hour days, 1 7 1/2-hour day, 1 7-hour day, and 1 5-hour day. Then Friday and Saturday off in a row. The week after that includes a weird three day schedule that goes: Off, 8 AM to 2 PM, Off. o.O

All in all, the next good while looks to be a good while. Yay. :)

And now, back to my soup...mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Sleeping and Chicken and Doom, Oh My!

Always nice to have a day off. I slept until noon (and could have kept going!), Ryan and I got errands done, and I respecced my mage with the new fire talents!

...Yeah, you can just ignore that last one.

Ryan also roasted a chicken. A whole chicken. With a stuffing made from celery, onion, and garlic. It was delicious. And it is now sitting on the stove, turning into chicken stock.

I think we can all agree that I picked a good guy. :D

Tomorrow is an early day: 7:30 to 4. UGH. I'm taking a melatonin in the next half an hour or so, and winding my way down to hopefully be asleep by 10:30, 11 at the latest.

Oh, as well as going in early, did you know tomorrow is a Notre Dame football game? A home game? Against Western Michigan?

Please...please send me all the luck you have.

whimper...

The Food Stamp Phone Interview. Whee.

Well. That was the most...annoying phone interview ever.

First, the "Eligibility Worker" called almost 40 minutes late, with no apology or explanation.

Next, she asked if I was okay being put on speaker phone, as there was someone there learning. I said fine. I wish I hadn't, as we spent the rest of the interview asking each other to repeat ourselves, because of the ridiculous amount of background noise and garble. I could also hear her give small instructions on what she was doing. It just came across as completely uncaring and unprofessional.

There was a kerfuffle when I mentioned our roommates. She acted like I was trying to pull one over on her by not mentioning them before, and said she would need all their information and a letter stating that we split rent and utilities and no other expenses. This annoys the heck out of me because, after an insane amount of annoying research in which I attempted to navigate their stupid phone tree and ultimately found the answer buried on the internet, I found the definition of "household" as "people who buy food and share meals together." That's I didn't list them. When I explained this, she again acted like I was trying to get out of something when I was just trying to explain why I hadn't listed them before--because of your own definition, lady!

When I mentioned the impending hospital bills--whose number we don't know yet because St. Joseph is also being a pain in the rear about helping us, grumble grumble--she said that hospital bills "don't count in the budget," and weren't taken into consideration. Fantastic.

Finally, she told me that, with our combined income, we were over the eligibility cap. She asked if I wanted to proceed anyway, or voluntarily withdraw. I asked her honest advice. "As I just told you, ma'am, with your combined gross income you're at $x,xxx and the cap is $y,yyy." At that point, after trying to access the human being and being bluntly denied, I was done with the whole thing. Knowing that we were going to be denied, I voluntarily withdrew. She said that, if Ryan isn't hired at the end of this month, we can apply all over again.

I am so annoyed right now I could spit. The entire thing was jarring, unprofessional, and without any ounce of human emotion. I understand that's it's a government program, and they have to be harsh in order to weed out anyone trying to get a free lunch, and maybe some of their interviewees are, indeed, trying to get one past them. However, I was nothing but polite, honest, straight-forward, even apologetic when I found out I should have listed BJ and Sameh. None of it was appreciated one bit. And it was all for nothing.

If Target doesn't keep Ryan on at the end of the month, I'll start the process over again. Obviously, I hope that's not the case--not just because I want him to keep his job, but because I never want to deal with that bullshit again.

And to think, that was only the start of my day...

Weight Talk...And Then Some!

Since moving to Indiana, my attempts at keeping up with exercise and not eating fast food have been...well...what's a nicer word for "failure?"

Almost every attempt at using the Wii Fit ending in feeling like crap. Lining up free time, good weather, and a good place to walk is an exercise in futility; also, I'm completely exhausted most of the time. The Curves I looked into was a pain in the ass to get in and out of, and just didn't feel...right. I realized, almost as soon as I walked in, that I didn't want to go back to Curves....I wanted to go back to my Curves.

I'm not eating complete crap. I've picked up good snacks like greek yogurt, edamame, and hummus, and Ryan cooks for us a lot with correct portion sizes and equal shares of protein, starch, and veggie. However, there are some nights when neither of us wants to cook or clean a dish to cook, and we end up hitting up some drive-thru or another for dinner. And then there's the fact that the place I work at offers me 5 free drinks per 8 hour shifts, and I never opt for sugar-free or nonfat anything. Plus the be-fricked pastry case that just sits there and taunts me all day until I cave in and buy myself a piece of coffee cake to bring home.

The pitfalls, they have been numerous.

So, funny story: I've lost weight.

I turned the Wii on yesterday for the first time in months. Specifically, Wii Fit told me it had been 82 days since my last workout. But in that span, I've lost 2 1/2 pounds.

o.O

The annoying thing is that I couldn't lose that much when I was trying to, working out every day and yelling at myself about fat and calories. Then I get too tired to care, and this happens. OKAY!

In all honesty, I weighed myself because it was getting pretty obvious that I had lost weight. Clothes that used to be form-fitting, or even snug, are looser on me. I just look smaller--even Ryan said so, with absolutely no prompting. At the same time, my calves, thighs, butt, and upper arms have gotten more muscular, obviously from spending my days running around and lifting gallons of milk and boxes of syrups.

This leads me to believe that, if I checked my BMI, that number would be way lower than it was a few months ago. I think I may have lost more than 2 1/2 pounds of fat, and made up some difference in muscle.

The truth is, I'm not going to really change a whole lot of anything based on this fact. My drinks will still be venti (when they're free), 2% and non-sugar-free, and I will get a frappuccino to take home if I want to. My ability to find time and energy to exercise is not going to improve. I might get better control over myself about the pastries, but that's really about it.

After working at Curves for almost 2 1/2 years, and seeing food and diet anxiety is just about every form, I have more or less decided that I will never again let myself deal with food guilt. I love food, and I refuse to feel bad because I don't want to deprive myself of my favorite things and eat cardboard. I try and find healthy alternatives when I can, but come on: my favorite food is starch. I live for mashed potatoes and pasta. There is no way I can live a completely "healthy" lifestyle and still get my favorite foods, and I refuse to compromise.

And, in all honesty...I'm actually really happy with myself right now. I'm happy with the way I look for the first time since I started caring about how I look...that'd be about, what, 13 years? Since I hit puberty? I mean, I'm not perfect, I wish I didn't have odd acne on my arms and legs, and if all my fat dropped off or turned to muscle overnight I certainly wouldn't complain, but I don't think any less of myself for having some fat on me. Full disclosure: I'm at 156 lbs. I love every pound of it.

And I like who I am. Things aren't easy, but I work hard and do everything I can. I make people smile every day--sometimes accidentally, but mostly because I honestly try to. More than once in the past few months, I've seen first-hand that I can put my worries and stress aside to be there for someone who needs me, no questions asked, no hesitation. At the same time, I've learned how to be true to myself, to do what I want without impeding on others' happiness, and I've come to peace with my current limitations on what I want to do for myself.

I'm happy with myself, inside and out, for the first time since I was a kid. The fact that I've hit this mindset while at the point in my life where I am also the most stressed, most broke, and most limited I have ever been in my life, is both funny and mind-boggling. It helps to know that, again, I am doing the best I can, and no one can say any different. At the end of the day, a lot of it might be out of my hands, but I can at least hold on to that.

...right, this got long for just a "quick" entry about my odd weight loss. And deep. Oof.

Now, I need to decide if I'm writing from home or at Starbucks, then move about my day accordingly. Love you all. :)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Last night's Surprise Dinner was lamb cooked in a spice mix that included coriander, turmeric, cumin, paprika, and garlic; a HUGE batch of macaroni cheese, made from scratch with white cheddar and flavored with hints of nutmeg and cayenne pepper; and green beans.

Have I mentioned that I LOVE THIS MAN.

First, let's point out that the only reason he chose macaroni and cheese as the starch of the meal? Is because I have...ridiculous love of macaroni and cheese. It's one of those things I could eat every meal of every day for the rest of my life, and be completely happy. I'd also be yellow and sickly, but I WOULDN'T CARE.*

Second, and the emphasis on this is more easily understood know that you have been told about my love affair of mac'n'cheese, the lamb was my favorite part of the meal. It was flavorful, and it was so. tender. The only complaint we both had is that the chops were much too small--I ended up going at both our bones with hands and teeth, getting every last morsel. It was heavenly.

After I ate way too much of the macaroni and cheese and picked the bones as clean as I possibly could, I basically slipped into a food coma for the rest of the night. It was the best meal I've had in quite a while.

Pictures to come. :D

Today is a combined day off (WIN!), and we're being fairly lazy. About to go out to run minor errands, then back home for laundry and a raid. :)

*This is also true of mashed potatoes (which wages an eternal battle with macaroni and cheese as my Favorite Food Ever), bacon, rice, and basically any pasta you can name.

Lamb Surprise?

Yesterday was another So Tired The Blog Fell Out Of My Head day. Sorry!

Yesterday was also a "failure" when it came to Planning. I never got my act together to get to my Bucks early...today shall be different! Today shall be PRODUCTIVE!

Today will also involve a surprise dinner. All I'm allowed to know is that there's lamb, a starch, and certain spices (which I can't remember right now). That's it. Ryan's been having a field day planning this all out. I'm a little scared of what I'll find when I get home tonight...

Off I go!

Food Stamps and Partners and Writing, Oh My!

New things:

[o] Got an envelope back from Indiana Department of Family Resources, I have a phone interview on October 13th at 10:30 AM. Cue nerves.
[o] Got my schedule for next week, I'm pre-closing every night, except for the night I close. No early mornings for me! Woo?
[o] One of my favorite co-workers is back from vacation! Woo!
[o] One of my other favorite co-workers is finally getting promoted! Woo!
[o] Lots of ideas for my main NaNoWriMo Story Idea buzzing around in my head. WOO!

I'm about to take my laptop into the living room so I can hang out with Sameh and Ryan while I reconstruct. I'm going to uninstall WoW and anything else that's not involved with writing or the internet, and make it my Writing Machine. Hopefully that will help it be a little less slow, and I can use it for nothing but Productive Writing Goodness. And music. :)

Tomorrow is my early day: I go in at 8 and work until 4:30. YAY. Hoping to be asleep by 11, but we'll see? Wish me luck!

MUAHA!

The To Do list continues to die! Muahahaha!

[x] Ryan's hospital financial aid forms - copied for our records and mailed off! May I take a moment to point out the immense stupidity of this department, which required so much documentation that it was all completely impossible to fit in the standard sized business-reply envelope they sent along with the form? And we weren't even to send it all. NICE PLANNING, GUYS.
[x] Food stamp application form - filled out, sent out. Tried calling the "hotline" for it earlier to ask one simple question, could not get a live person or straight answer to save my life. Found an official one online that satisfied my curiosity, sent off the form, have my fingers permanently crossed for the next, oh, month.
[x] Bank - rent money is taken out, savings have been transferred, etc etc.
[/] Oil change - technically not done yet, but the appointment has been made for this afternoon. Just need to show up, wait, pay, and leave with happy car.
[o] Headlight - lost another one, this time on the left side of my car when looking at it, need to go and buy a new one. >.< This car has gone through three headlights in the two years I've had it. Is this normal? It doesn't seem normal...
[o] Return folders to Target - the filing cabinet I bought last week? It's giving me a little trouble here and there. It's a nice enough filing cabinet, and was a great price, and is extremely useful...but it's odd. Instead of having two standard-sized drawers, it has one standard, and two "half" sized ones above it...except the "standard" one isn't even that, because the standard-sized hanging folders I bought for it yesterday won't fit, as the bracket to hang them from is at the wrong height. So I have to take the hanging ones back and buy non-hanging ones that will be content to just sit there and take it.

...That last one was long.

The final thing for today, which isn't really a To Do item, is the raid tonight at 8. I've been enjoying raiding less and less, and I'd honestly not go if it wouldn't screw Sameh over on her first turn as a raid leader. Oh well. I'll live.

...

Off to buy a headlamp! AutoZone, ho!