*Pats Self On Back*

Today--well, tomorrow, really, although it's technically 1 am on December 1st and I'm back-dating this entry--marks the end of National Novel Writing Month.

I didn't win. I didn't even crack 40,000 words.

I am so very proud of myself.

I entered. I committed. I planned. I worked. I wrote.

End result: over 35,000 accumulated words and what I hope will be a good story.

The last time I touched Found was Sunday. I'm not going to touch it or look at it again until the thirteenth. Then I'm going to print out at least two copies--one for myself and one for Ryan--possibly more if BJ or anyone else wants to help me edit--and go at it with a red pen. Right now, I'm too close to the story. I can't read it, I get impatient and start skimming because I know what's going on here and I want to get to the next bit, and before I know it I've skimmed the entire thing.

We'll see what happens once I see it with fresher eyes, and once someone else sees it. Ryan may love me and want me to love him back, but he is still honest when he knows it will help me. BJ is my roommate and one of my dearest friends, but he is always, always honest, and he's a reader and a former English major, so I know that he will give me qualified and unabashed criticism.

I want to offer up copies for other people to read through and edit, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. I want the help, and I want the opinion, but I also want a fresh audience for when it's done (even if "done" means "I would send this off to an agent if I thought it would sell" and not necessarily "sellable").

I also want to offer my up my appreciation and heartfelt thanks to my friends and family who supported me and gave unabashed admiration and encouragement. I had not one single person tell me I shouldn't do it, or that I couldn't do it. This may say a lot about my choice of people, but I think it also says a lot about what wonderful people they are. Thank you. Every one. There will be more thanks to come!

The next two weeks will mostly be reading and, you know, living and working. I may start tapping at the other story that infested my head in the second week, but I'm not sure yet if that's a wise idea. Either way, after those two weeks, I will be diving back in, and I'm not surfacing again for a long time. I'm not done writing.

I may not have won NaNoWriMo this year (this year), but I still think I've proven one thing to myself: I'm a writer.

I'm a writer.

I Can Has Sleep Nao?

Today...was a day.

Dead at work, then stupid-busy, hours got cut, next week's schedule is all over the place and not even 35 hours, my schedule for this week is still nuts...oy.

At least I sold 2 pounds of Christmas Blend, even if it cost me twenty frustrating minutes of my life I'll never get back to two women who just...ARGH.

Tomorrow is a little sleeping in, trip to the bank so we can pay bills, work that may or may not be a full shift, then....TWO DAYS OFF! WOO! Maybe three, depending on a co-worker and whether more time off means more to me than a full day's pay...

Tonight: leftover Thanksgiving noodle soup and quality time with the man. :)

On a side note: Why has no one heard of Watership Down? My roommates, my co-workers, my boyfriend...this has been a classic for forty years, it's full of exquisite writing and intricate characters and a fanTAStic story...my mind, it boggles.

I Can Work Well, Or I Can Work Early, You Can't Get Both.

Today, I had a case of the dumbs. First I had my mind set on leaving at 8:30, when I actually started at 8:30. Fortunately, I realized my mistake in time to only be 2 minutes later, without speeding!...too badly!

Next, when a customer ordered a full French press of Guatemala Antigua, my brain once again focused on the wrong part. It went "Hey, customers usually only order a French press to have one cup, but they want the whole one! I should grind the entire bag!"

Note to non-Starbucks workers: we make a French press with just over a tenth of a pound of beans. Not an entire pound.

The rest of the day went pretty smoothly. We picked Secret Santa, and I'm very happy with the person I got :D

Tomorrow is 11 to 7:30, Tuesday is 1:30 to 9, and then I have a day off! Then a day on, and another day off! ARGH. W asked if I'd be willing to give her my Thursday shift, she's been wanting more hours...three day weekend is mighty tempting...we shall see!

Aiming For The Moon Totally Worked! These Stars ROCK!

I have to say, while I'm not 100% healthy again, it is so great to be able to breathe and to no longer sound like a prepubescent Kermit the Frog. :D

I'm starting to accept the fact that, excluding a miracle, I'm not going to win NaNoWriMo. Accepting is made possible by the realization that, holy crap, I wrote a 35,000-word book. Dude. That's AWESOME.

And I'm not done-done, either. I'm still going back through, finding parts that need expanding or detailing, so 35K isn't the final number. I'm just fairly certain that, even if I do hit 50K with this book, it ain't going to be in the next three days. Not unless there's another gas leak on Cleveland and my store is closed until Wednesday.

If I had any of the next three days off, maybe. But, I don't. Tomorrow is 8:30 to 2:30, Monday is 11 to 7:30, and Tuesday is 1:30 to 9. Honestly, tomorrow afternoon and Tuesday morning are my best/last chances to make the goal, and that's assuming I don't get waylaid by errands, fatigue, cold relapse, etc.

In other news: ...well, I guess there isn't any other news. Work was work. I'm feeling (and sounding!) much better. Life goes on. La de da. :D

Turkey Day 2010

I would have loved to update yesterday with a great Thanksgiving post, but Google went all wonky on my computer, and I was unable. Oh well.

Worked from a little before 11 (I arrived to a crazy rush) to 4, barring and doing lots of dishes as I basically couldn't serve customers directly with my voice. We joked that I could answer the drive-thru with "Hi, welcome to Starbucks, would you like some plague?" I did have to answer twice, and the second time it was a girl who sounded just like me ordering a cider. We had a commiserating smile at the window as I croaked her total and "Happy Thanksgiving" and she croaked "Happy Thanksgiving" in return.

Food-wise...this was a fantastic Thanksgiving.

Ryan made apple and pumpkin pies in advance on Wednesday, and BJ made a cranberry salad and deviled eggs. The day of, Ryan roasted the turkey and made mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, two small chocolate pudding pies (just for me!), and gravy. BJ and Sameh made corn pudding and noodles. I helped here and there and did the cooking dishes and took pictures of delicious food and cleared the fridge for leftovers.

It. Was. SO GOOD.

If I had to pick a favorite...I don't know if I can, actually. And considering there was a HUGE put of mashed potatoes, and this is me we're talking about, understand just how good everything was for me to not immediately name the spuds as the winner. The corn pudding was fantastic, the gravy was amazing (Sameh and I are conspiring to keep Ryan in a constant flow of roastable birds just so he can keep us in good gravy), the bird was juicy and flavorful, etc etc. I even had a small amount of BJ's cranberry salad, even though I don't like most of the ingredients (cherries, pineapple, almonds), and it was very sweet and tasty. NOM!

And if you don't want to read about it...

Clockwise from the upper left: Turkey, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, deviled eggs, cranberry salad, corn pudding, apple pie, pumpkin pie, two miniature chocolate pudding pies, seasoning that no one touched.


*drool*

I'm currently waiting for Ryan to arrive home, as it is currently a quarter past noon, the exact time he gets off work. I hope he's survived his 8-hour Black Friday shift intact. I also hope that he found those mixers he's been eying at a good price and bought himself one! :D

And now, off to spend my day off writing and WoWing and eating leftovers and comforting the tired Ryan...

Gas Leaks And Frog Voice And Cooking, Oh My!

Got woken up at 5:30 in the morning by BJ banging on our door, saying he'd just had a talk with my store manager online, there was a gas leak on the road my store is on, and the entire road was closed, so no work until further notice.

...k. *Zzzz*

I later learned that some of my co-workers had been loaned out to other stores for the day, but my manager let me stay home since I'm sick. Aw. Also, when the road was cleared and the store reopened at 5 this evening, she didn't call me in for the rest of my shift, again, to give me time to get better. Double aw.

I love my manager.

This sore throat, on the other hand, is completely uncooperative. I had an extra day off! I slept in! I drank cup after cup after cup of hot, honeyed tea! I took my cough medicine like a good girl!

I feel worse than I did this morning!

Well, wait, let's qualify that: am I worse in the sneezing, sniffling, dripping, sinus-related categories? No, actually, in those I am very improved. Am I worse in the throat category? Oh hell yeah. My voice is all but gone, and after a painless day, this evening sees mild pain when swallowing and swollen glands.

What the eff, man. What the eff.

Tomorrow is a short day (11 to 5) AND there's a good chance of hours being cut if it's slow, so I'm hoping I won't be too miserable. As it is, everything aside from my throat feels fine, and I am thankful for that. I am also thankful for my awesome boss, and my gift of a day off, which I used to drink gallons of tea and edit.

Sadly, the editing only garnered me an extra 600 words. Well, probably more than that, except I also took off some words, soo...yeah. I realized that I'm editing myself out of the NaNo win, BUT! I kept the original file untouched and am editing in a save-as file I created the second I wrote "the end," so I might borrow what I deleted and then tack on the 1,061 words I lost two weeks ago when I go to officially calculate. Might not help me make it, but it can't hurt. After all, I wrote all that! For the one story! IT COUNTS!

On the Ryan front, he came home with even more groceries, and is baking up a storm in the kitchen. The apple pie is almost done, the graham cracker crust for the pumpkin pie is next, and he's specially making a tiny little chocolate pudding pie just for me. *heart*

Last night saw BJ preparing his contributions: corn pudding, cranberry salad, and deviled eggs (there might have been more, I can't remember). The turkey is thawing away. Tomorrow, Ryan's getting up early and doing all of the main cooking himself while the three of us are at work. He plans to have it all warm and ready to eat by the time we all get home.

As if I didn't already have an overwhelming stack of evidence that I'm with Mr. Perfect.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's chicken noodle soup calling my name.

Ended, Yes. Finished, No.

Hi. Yup. Still sick. Today I've been losing my voice on and off. According to Ryan, I sound like a squirrel.

In other news, I hit the end of my story. No balloons or confetti please: notice that I didn't say that I finished. For one thing, I'm almost 20,000 words behind the NaNo goal. For another, the story is in great need of, well, finishing. Tiny plot knots got written and rewritten constantly during the process, so I need to go back and fix several things. Plus I left out a great deal of character and setting exposition, sooo...yeah. I'm hoping adding clarification and depth and texture will plump up the word count to the hoped-for 50K.

Now, time to go get dinner!

Happy Birthday to Ry!

First, a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Ryan, who turned 24 today! :D

Second, an apology for not updating for almost three days. Sick + work = too damned tired to be of any use to anybody.

The synopsis of the weekend: long, phlegmy, exhausting.

For Ryan's birthday, we:
[o] slept until noon
[o] opened packages (my NaNo prize arrived, he got a package of birthday awesomes from his mother and several cards)
[o] got drinks and pastries at my Starbucks
[o] exchanged not-very-comfy New Balance shoes for much-comfier New Balance
[o] shopped for Thanksgiving (Ryan has the day off, and was originally going to make something small for the two of us, since BJ and Sameh were going to BJ's parents' house for dinner. On a whim, he got a whole turkey instead of just a breast, and we learned, upon returning home, that it will be an apartment dinner after all! :D)
[o] watched Toy Story 2, Bender's Big Score, and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. All three were really, really good.
[o] got pizza and mac n cheese wedges from Polito's. Everything was yummy.

Overall, a pretty good day. :)

On the NaNoWriMo front: ...I'm...not sure I'm going to make it. At the moment I have 29,412 words. If I had followed the daily goal, I'd be at 36,374. Over 7K words behind, with only one day off between me and December 1st (and that day is Black Friday, and HELL if I'm venturing out to write elsewhere on THAT day). Almost all of my working days are all just a little too early to go in before hand and get an hour or two in (11 every day except Saturday, which is 8).

In just over one week, I have to crank out 20,000 words. I'm not feeling optimistic. I'm not upset about it, and I'm not giving up, but...there it is. Oy.

I don't feel nearly as snotty or miserable as I did this past weekend, but my throat is scratchy, I sound like a frog, and I'm still drippy. So...we'll see?

Wish me luck!...in everything!

Still Here.

Still here. Still sick. Still writing.

And by sick I mean, I spent all night alternately sweating or freezing and tossing and turning, but now all that's left is a mildly sore throat that hurts when I laugh, yawn, or swallow.

And by writing I mean adding a dozen or so words before reading another chapter of Almost Paradise. It's inspiration. Really.

The truth is, I've come to the most important part of the story, and I'm stuck. The main character hasn't had any contact with her grandmother in 10 years even though she was her favorite person and the only one who ever encouraged her, and although Ryan insists that this can, indeed, happen with people, it just doesn't feel right. Why wouldn't have Molly contacted Charlotte? Even better a question is, why wouldn't have Charlotte contacted Molly? She reached adult age, her mother wouldn't have been in the way anymore, what was stopping either one of them? More importantly, how do I keep going with this problem unanswered?

Ergh.

This has been a theme all month: I get a day off, an entire day to devote to writing, and I barely get anything done. On the days I work, I spend all of it gazing wistfully at the cafe, wishing I could be at my favorite table, typing away at the keyboard.

Ergh.

Next day off is Monday, which is Ryan's birthday. We have the food planned (dinnerfrom Polito's (the only restaurant in the area with thin crust pizza), cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory), but not the rest of the day, although it's safe to say we won't be spending it writing. After that is Black Friday, where I'll be spending half the day tending to my poor Ryan. You see, Ryan is working on Black Friday. From 3:45 in the morning until 12:15. I'll be spending the rest of the day comforting him from his trauma.

On the plus side of Ryan world, he spent today being trained in Customer Service! Something beyond cashiering! Other things to do, other people to talk to! A show that they plan on keeping him! Woo!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to my book. And I'm not saying which one, either.

200 Nonsensical Posts! Woo!

This is my 200th post! I'm going to spend it talking about how I feel like crap, and show you a shiny!

...Thankfully, only half of that is a reflection of the real me.

...Yes, it's the shiny stuff, shut up.

My amazing co-worker has been sick for a very, very long time--cold morphed into sinus infection morphed into Godzilla--and today, she felt especially sick. Almost immediately after she left, I started feel sick. It's almost all in my head--sore throat, congestion, aching head, exhausted--except for my muscles, which feel just the tiniest bit more sore than normal.

I'm going to bed very soon, then spending tomorrow (day off!) drinking lots of juice, taking lots of vitamins, moving very little, and writing up a storm.

Speaking of which! Last night, after posting to this blog, I managed to get my word count up past 26K. The current number is 27,482. :D

At the first (and, sadly, only) write-in I've been to for the area WriMos, a fellow writer mentioned that every November, she buys herself a little something--a book she'd been wanting, a new journal, a new blouse--something small and non-essential and distinctively trinket-like. She then wraps it up in pretty paper, attaches a Congratulations card, and puts it where she can see it from her desk every day. She can't open it until she hits 50,000 words.

I liked this idea the moment I heard it. I wasn't sure what to get at first, although I had more or less settled on something from Vera Bradley (purse CRACK).

Then...then I found this:
.

Bought and paid for. When it arrives, I'll get to see it (or maybe even pet it) just once, and then Ryan is hiding it away until I hit the magic number.

...squee!

25,718!

Yesterday day wasn't too bad. Yesterday night kinda sucked.

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Today was much better. Today had great co-workers (working with my boss is always Super Awesome), today had getting out of work early, today had getting over 700 words out before even going to work in the first place.

Best of all, today has a current word count of 25,718.

That's right. Just over 25K. I've hit the midpoint.

This is made a bit more interesting by the fact that I'm 3/4 to 4/5 down with the story. There's a blowout about to happen--the climax--and then it's down-winding and loose-thread-tying. Unless a boll weevil jumps out when least expected, it's pretty easy from here on out. *crosses fingers*

The hard parts were the scenes I just finished today...and they aren't really finished. They're...well, they have some saran wrap thrown on to make sure they don't rot or fall apart, and that's really about it until I finish the story and go back to fix things.

Finishing is the real goal, after all.

Tomorrow promises to be interesting--2 to 5 pm is Buy One Holiday Beverage, Get The Other One Free!--and then I have Friday off, and I will be spending it catching up as fast as possible. I've finally hit the halfway point, yes, but I "should" have 28,339 words, if I had kept up the minimum daily goal of 1,667. I'm halfway through the word count, just past the halfway point of the month. I need to up the output, and how!

Tonight may be a bust, however, as I am losing energy at a rapid pace. Sleeping is starting to sound very nifty right about now...

Rushes and Writing and Hormones, Oh My!

So, remember on Saturday when I said work was hellish?

Yeah....yesterday was worse.

I got there 20 minutes early, and they were slammed. Technically I can't clock in until five minutes before my shift it scheduled to start, but H told me to go ahead, so I ended up clocking in at 10:42 instead of 11. I then took A's headset immediately so she could take her meal--her first break she or anyone had since she and H arrived at 5:30 that morning.

Read that again. Five hours. No breaks.

M was only scheduled for 3 1/2 hours, but stayed for 4 so H could get her meal before noon, and she barred the entire time. Literally, the only time she wasn't at the bar making drinks was when she and I took four trips out to the dumpster for the trash run.

In the middle of the chaos, our store manager called and told me to leave a note on the day's schedule saying that hours could be cut today if needed. I told H about this, and we had a nice laugh.

We ran out of breakfast sandwiches, muffins, and basically just most of our pastry case. Most of the people were actually quite nice when they heard this, but there were a couple that were just so pissy about it. To get it out of my system, this is what I wanted to say:

You have to hear the one time that we're out, and then you get to drive away and find food elsewhere. I have to tell fifty bajillion people that we're out, take their abuse, and then stay. You? Get to leave. I? Have to stay and keep doing this. Quit yer bitchin'!

Ahem.

It slowed down a bit by the time I left, but....dang. It was scary.

Best customer of the day:
Her: Do your lattes come with coffee flavoring?
Me: Uhm...not really, but they do come with espresso.
Her: Does that taste like coffee?
Me: ....Yes.

I then went home and spent what felt like an eternity trying to write one scene. Just under 1,500 words, but holy shit. It was painful, it took several attempts, and it only really worked after brainstorming with Ryan at the beginning, and then turning to him halfway through every attempt and wailing "This feels stupid!"

Somebody, please send him a medal. Seriously. He deserves it for putting up with me.

And with that, I'll move on quickly to the slightly-TMI section of this post:
I've been on birth control for over ten years now. When I switched insurance a few months ago, I had to go find another gynecologist so I could make an appointment, get an exam, and get a new prescription. However, I underestimated the time between making an appointment and the appointment itself, and I ran out about two and a half ago weeks*.

Birth control for ten years, then nothing for two and a half weeks.
To say that I've been moody would be putting it mildly.

So yeah. I wasn't kidding. This boy deserves something. A medal, a trophy, maybe some flowers...

Anyway.

Today is a day off! Today is for sleeping in, writing a scene that I didn't originally plan for, and finally going to the aforementioned lady-doc appointment**!

What a fun day!

*Please, no lectures on better planning. I gave myself a big one after hanging up the phone. And I promise that I'm not stupid where it counts.

**Which isn't actually with a lady! Joy!

I've Said It Before, I'll Say It Again: Game Days Should Get Hazard Pay.

Today...was kinda hellish.

Firstly, I slept like crap last night. Straight up. Took forever to fall asleep, tossed and turned, the whole nine.

Second, it was a game day. A home game day. A cold and rainy home game day that was just begging for a cup of coffee. Ugh.

Third, we had a surprise health inspection! During a rush! When we were supposed to go down to two people but H had to go hunt for paperwork that she couldn't find because our store manager didn't call back in time so D had to stay half an hour past her shift end or else I would have been all alone to deal with eleventybillion cars!

May I just add--WHO DOES A SURPRISE INSPECTION ON A GAME DAY. WHO. COME ON NOW.

Ahem.

By 5, I was an hour late for my meal, and H was waiting for D to arrive so they could discuss my leaving early, and THANK GOD THE DECISION WAS YES. Only a six hour day, but WORTH IT.

...please excuse the all-caps, it's been a long day.

Upshot for the day: I cracked 20K! According to MS Word, I am currently at 20,763 words. I want to keep going tonight, get past today's benchmark (21,671), but I'm just...stuck. I am really just pulling a blank on what the next scene should be, the next plot point is just gumming up the whole works, so I'm stuck here alternately reading Almost Paradise and staring at the screen while eating Peanut Brittle ice cream.

Quick note on Peanut Brittle ice cream:
Holy mother of yum.
That is all.

Tomorrow is only a six hour day, so maybe I can cram some more words in there. I almost wish I worked later in the day instead of 11 to 5...I won't say that I write better in the morning, or early afternoon, or whatever. I will say that I write better when I haven't spent 6 to 8 hours pouring my brain into pitchers and steaming it to serve to customers.

...wow that sounds gross. I do apologize.

And yet I'm not deleting it...

ANYWAY. I'm tired. And spazzy. And not even drinking! Wish me luck tomorrow! Ciao!

19,320! WOO!

Not only did I get my word count back to Wednesday night's count, but I went right past it. I am currently at 19,320. I "should" be at 20,004, but hey, I managed almost 3,000 words today, so I ain't complainin'!

...that's really all I got. The rest of the day was alternately lazing and running errands, so...yeah.

The next two days are work, and then another day off. Hopefully I won't be speeding to make up 4,000 words...

.....Ergh.

If you look at my word count at nanowrimo.org, you will see a number. 17,896. It's a nice number. It's a large number.

Unfortunately, it's a lie.

When I opened my laptop today, I did not have 17,896 words in my novel file. I had, and have, 16,880.

The other 1,016?
Eaten be evil elves.
Swallowed by sinister spies.
Deleted by diabolical devils.
Gone.

I discovered this on my first ten minute break of my six hour shift--shorter because of the two-hour Holiday Meeting about the new holiday merchandise, how to create World Class Service that means Just Saying Yes when the customer starts making a fuss, and how We The Partners are so Very Important and that's why we move you around like pawns without Those Inconvenient Emotions--and almost broke into tears. I had to hold my breath and concentrate for much longer than I'd like to admit. I also had to resist throwing my cell phone at the wall.

It's not a hard scene to rewrite. The part I liked best about it, I remember quite well. Hell, the rest of it will probably come out better this time around.

It's the time lost. It's the elation gone. It's the bubble busted.

My mother commented a few posts back, suggesting that I abandon the word count if it was causing me grief. I'll be honest, the word count is important to me--but it's not what my aim is. It's just a way of measuring my novel so I can participate with the community of other writers who are attempting this challenge. My aim is to finish a book, whether it's 50K, 80K, or 30K.

But finishing it isn't just about finishing a book. It's about finishing a book. It's about knowing that I did it, knowing that I Worked Hard and Finished Something.

It's the finished product, and the finishing.

Both of which are made that much harder when a thousand words are consumed by conniving....connivers.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have quite a bit of this day left to drown in this glass of wine...

17,896!

Day off! Woo!

I planned today to be a Writing Day, a Catching Up Day, a Stop Being Freaking Lazy Day. Instead, I got half an hour of writing done at home before Ryan and I headed out to do errands.

We fetched my schedule and tips, got groceries, replaced Ryan's dead headlight, and--the highlight of the day--renewed Ryan's license.

Ryan is now an official Indiana resident. He has the awful picture to prove it.

We then returned home, had dinner, watched some Good Eats...and then I wrote several thousand words, catching up and then some.

Woo!

I am now at 17,896 words. Ryan gave me the goal of 18,000 today, and I was fine with that...and then I finished a scene with 104 words left. At midnight. My choices were: stop writing and go to bed, or keep writing and be up for however long that scene took.

And seeing as there's a Holiday Meeting tomorrow at 11 in the morning, I chose the option that lets me get more sleep.

While the day didn't go as planned in terms of dedicated writing time, I'm still very pleased with both the day and the word count. So. Yay. :)

Money Would Have Been More Useful...

Downsides for the day:
[o] Shift cut by two hours (after last paycheck, two hours feels like a lot!)
[o] Surprise Holiday order completely filled back room and made us all cranky
[o] So tired from work--even with the shorter shift--that trying to write afterwards was just futile
[o] Winter skin is KILLING my hands, lots of bloody knuckles...
[o] Ryan stayed home sick :( Poor baby

Upsides!:
[o] Weather was pretty gorgeous
[o] Able to switch with K--she wanted Saturday off, so she's taking my Wednesday shift
[o] Got just over an hour of writing in before work, bringing me past the 14K word count!
[o] Did I mention that I have tomorrow off?

Tomorrow may not have that much writing actually. I still have to return something to Target, and Ryan's taking his day off to get his license renewed, so I'll probably tag along for that. Also, I'm exhausted, so getting up early sounds like a miserable idea, and that seems to be the best time I write, soooo....we'll see.

The new story idea is still haunting me. I keep wanting to write that when I open up my laptop, but I don't let myself. I'm not against the idea of letting my NaNo story take itself in a direction I didn't expect, or even the idea of starting late in the game...I just don't want to abandon Found. And I don't like the risk of investing precious writing time into a story that may abandon me a week later.

I want to write it, and I will. But Found comes first.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to curl up in my warm bed and poke at catalogs until dinner. Night!

Less Flowing, More Pushing.

Yesterday and today's word counts...well, they suck. Straight up. Less than 200 yesterday, barely over that today. Both days, I only got writing time in on my 30-minute meal break and for a little bit before bed. Tonight, I had to get myself psyched up with good music in order to figure out how to fix a plot point that was just feeling stupid. Even with pump-up music, my energy and frustration levels are such that writing this story is a struggle.

It doesn't help that a new story idea popped into my head as I fell asleep last night. It's almost perfect in its completeness, its potential for scenes that demand my exact style, the hook rating. Today's breaks were mostly spent working on the Fail Abstract for that instead of the story in front of me, the one I've committed myself to finishing.

And I will finish it. I need to fully realize that the past two days have shown me not that I'm bad at this, not that this story is bad or badly done, but that I need to commit even further. I need to get up earlier, get to Starbucks hours before I'm supposed to start, and focus myself on writing instead of checking Facebook or catching up on comics or...anything else.

I can do this. I am good at this. I just need to get the hell out of my own way and do it already.

...ugh.

This Is Us, Part 2.

Two snippets of life with Ruth & Ryan:

Ruth: I don't want to do laundry.
Ryan: Then don't. I have some days off soon. You did the dishes last week, I've been waiting for you to manipulate something from that.
Ruth: No, that's too passive-agressive. I'm more...aggressive-aggressive.
Ryan: So what you're telling me is that you're less manipulative and more ornery.
Ruth: I...guess.
Ryan: I can live with that.

(Talking about muscle cars in winter)
Ryan: You can fix anything with kitty litter and duct tape.
Ruth: But, can it fix a broken heart, Ryan? Can it?!
Ryan: I don't know. Maybe. Have you tried?

Flying Through.

I am currently at 12,044 words. That's right, I not only hit the 10k mark, I swiftly kicked it in the butt and kept right on going. Today's word count was my best so far at 3,488.

However, I'm feeling frustrated with my writing. I'm getting the words out, better than I had ever hoped...but I'm not sure of the quality. I feel like I'm rushing scenes when I should be drawing them out, giving vague sketches when I should be painting in the details, and generally just mucking up a perfectly good story with my mediocre writing.

When I voiced this to Ryan, he pointed at the post-it on my laptop, and made me look him in the eye and say it out loud:

I am good at this.*

The hardest part of this, it turns out, is not getting it out, but being okay with just getting it out. Not rewriting as I go, not pausing to hem and haw over every scene, but simply churning out the words--and the story--as fast as my fingers can go.

Ryan is counseling me on my frustrations, saying that my only goal for right now is to finish the story. Fifty thousand, seventy thousand, twenty thousand, whatever: Finish the story. Then go through it, with multiple colored pens and multiple sets of eyes, and give it a good combing, finding the places to flesh it out, the places that need more of this or less of that.

He is of the opinion that, since I'm already a quarter of the way through the word count goal and a third of the way through my story, I should hit the end of the story before the end of the month. At that point I'll have the extra time to go back and fill in the parts I think I rushed through or skimmed over.

I'm just hoping he's right.

Tomorrow is back to work for the next five days. I know this was only the first week, but I've come to the conclusion that I do my best work on my days off. I don't have the fact that I have work later hanging over my head, or the exhaustion of an 8-hour shift slowing me down. I still plan to try and get in early and stay up late, pounding at it until I have to go home and eat dinner, but, in all honesty, Friday is what I'm really craving right now.

Wish me luck!

*I now have this sentiment on a post-it stuck to my laptop keyboard, on a scrap of paper by my desktop monitor, and a "sticky" on my laptop's background. I've had multiple people inquire about it, praise it, and say that they want one for themselves. I should sell t-shirts...

Indiana Weather: It Means It.

I couldn't tell you how much sleep I got last night. I tossed and turned, dreams melded with being wide awake in the dark. I felt hyper enough to be up and at 'em at 6, then my alarm was going off for 7 only 2 seconds later.

It was a rough night.

I went in to Starbucks, found my boss, and asked "Is it too late to say 'no, I don't want to work at 8 in the morning?'" She said yes, and I said oh, and the day went on.

The day included snow! First it was the saddest, most pathetic Charlie-Brown snow you'd ever seen. Sad little flakes that didn't add up to anything.

I left a little after 6 because the sky had turned white, visibility was beginning to look hazy, and I was afraid of it getting cold enough to freeze.

It's still snowing. Big ol' wet snowflakes. Ick.

I got some writing done, although not nearly as much as I would have liked. I think I just work better when I don't have work-work. My current word count is 8,112; ideally it would be 8,335. I'm not that far off, but I just had a hard time concentrating.

In case the rambling nature of this post wasn't enough proof for you.

Tonight is a raid night, although I'm not participating. I may spend the evening poking at other photography projects, or I may try to plug in my ears and unplug my internet and bang out those last 223 words. Meh. We'll see.

Tomorrow is another day off. Ryan has work at 9:30, meaning we'll be getting up at 8:30. There's an area write-in at Indulgences, a pastry shop a few minutes away that has caught my eye before. It's only from 8 to noon, so I'd get 2 1/2-3 hours at best, but still. An excuse for a pastry shop and a write-in with, at the very least, my super-cool municipal liaison? Sounds good to me!

Wish me luck!

7,729!

Despite having missed an entry yesterday, I have to make this a fast post, as dinner will be ready minutarily. It's a word now.

Yesterday was a bust for writing, but today netted me over 3,000 words, bringing me grand total as of tonight to 7,729. I'm pretty pleased with that number, and with how it's going, although I am always fearful of running headlong into a brick wall of writer's block.

Having today off was really the key. That and caffeine. I went to my Starbucks and settled down for 7 hours, downing an iced grande eggnog chai, grande no water 5-pump Earl Grey tea latte, and a grande no water 5-pump Awake tea latte. All nummy, all incredibly helpful.

In unrelated news, I have to get up early tomorrow, and thus go to bed early tonight. Whee!

Tomorrow is 8 to 2, with writing to follow. Saturday is my second day off this week, and will be spent in a similar fashion to today, without the having to go to bed early as I don't have work until noon on Sunday. Again: whee!

And now, I have a bacon-wrapped, brown sugar and garlic powder seasoned, dee-licious chicken breast to get to. Night!

(More Recommended Than Previous)

How to write a novel (NO, REALLY):

1) Get enough sleep.
2) Get the hell out of bed.
3) Get the hell out of the house.
4) Get yourself some caffeine.*
5) Unplug from the world.
6) Motherfuckin' write.**

*This step is optional. Unless you skipped step 1. In which case, double step 4.

**In some cases, such as writing or poisonous-snake-wrangling, harsh language is not only allowable, but necessary for mental survival.

I am feeling good about this.

The daily word "requirement" to hit 50,000 by the end of November is 1,667. Today I wrote 1,877. Go me!

It really feels good to finally be allowed to sit down and write. It feels fantastic, even when I'm thinking that what I just wrote needs a complete rewrite. In fact, not rewriting is the second hardest part (the first hardest being the parts of the day when I can't write). I even have a sticky note on the background of my laptop that states, in big letters: "Remember: It's Novel Writing month, not Novel REwriting Month."

It's hard to remember.

In other news, my legs and back are...better? Two days ago it hurt to walk, yesterday it only hurt when I used my thigh muscles for "hard" work (sitting, standing, crouching), today it only really ached when it got busier and I was running around the store. However, the base of my spine was twinging on and off, and at one point I stretched so hard that I made myself dizzy. So, yeah, need to get around to calling that chiropractor!

I'll end this entry on a disgusting note: my second-to-last customer of the day was two (2!) venti 15-pump 6-shot white mochas. TWO. Between the syrup, espresso, and whipped cream on top, there was maybe a half-inch of steamed milk in each cup. The shots alone cost almost $3 per drink.

And with that teeth-rotting thought, I bid you good night! Wish me luck tomorrow!

(Not Recommended)

How to write a novel:

1) Get up as early as you can stand it in order to get to your Starbucks early and get some hours of writing in before work.
2) Take a hella long time to shower, prep your bag, dress in normal clothes, and altogether get ready because you're still exhausted.
3) Leave late, guaranteeing yourself not even an hour of time between arrival at your Starbucks and your start time.
4) Arrive at your Starbucks and immediately remember that you left your work shirt at home.
5) Pull out of the parking spot you just pulled in to, drive home, change, drive back, and arrive with only 5 minutes to spare before work.
6) Cry.

Actually, today was pretty much okay. I'm hormonal, exhausted, and frustrated with how my kick-off went last night, but I had great co-workers and a fairly good work flow going. I promise, I didn't actually cry.

Now I'm home, and I'm planning on getting more sleep tonight, and I know I can get to work hours early tomorrow, and I have over a thousand words already, and I'm feeling pretty optimistic. Tired, hungry, and cranky, but still...optimistic.

Tomorrow is another day.