Come On Already!

Oh hey it's Wednesday I wonder when I last blogged...WHUPS.

It's been a hard three days, but not in the way you'd think.

Sunday and Monday, halfway through my shifts, something would start hurting. On Sunday it was my shoulder--I'd get spasms of pain either in the joint, down my arm, or, once, up my neck. It also just...hurt, like a bad ache, all down that arm and the back of my shoulder. Started when I lifted something with my right hand, but then the ache was just constant and the spasms were random. I ended up using my left arm most of the night, keeping my right one close to my abdomen to try and avoid using it.

Monday, it was my right side again, but this time it started in my neck. I didn't get the stabs of pain, but my neck and shoulder and back just ached really badly and felt stiff. Occasionally it would really hurt, feeling like someone was pressing down on one spot on my neck.

Both mornings I woke feeling fine, so I don't think I slept on anything wrong, and then yesterday it was fine, so...I dunno. But yeah, two very long and exhausting days.

Tuesday, I wasn't scheduled until 3:30. I slept in a little, and headed to my store to write. I arrived around noon, and settled on in at the end of the bar. I was going to relax and get started on Bronte's chapter and really enjoy myself.

Around 12:30, I notice some trouble going on behind the bar. Turns out That One hasn't shown up for his shift, and isn't answering the phone. I get a text from my store manager (who didn't realize I was in the store) asking if I could come on at 1. ...Yeah, I can, but argh. No writing for me.

I go on at 1, a little while after That One calls. Oh, he overslept, so sorry. Can he just switch with me, take 3:30-9:30, and I can finish out his shift? Yeah, no problem! I'll be out at 6, I can head to 933 and write! Woo! ...Except around 3, we get another call from him. Oh, now he's sick and can't make it. I'm staying until 9:30. >.<

Yeah, normal shift for me, but still really annoying. For one thing, That One was the only one actually angry when I called in sick a few weeks ago, and that was two hours ahead (per the rules) instead of 30 minutes. For another, I had breakfast at 11, planned on eating before 3:30, but because of him didn't get my meal until 5. HUNGRY.

Right. Anyway. Work at one. Time for breakfast.

I'm Currently Fan-Freaking-Tastic, Considering It's Nighttime...

Still here, although not all there.

I mentioned recently that I've been depressed; that timeline started around the middle of June. I've felt a bit better the past two weeks, which was either ironic or fitting since it directly coincided with the time of the month I'm usually much crabbier and harder to deal with, first with PMS and then with During-MS.

Then the past week, I've been bouncing--hard--between a bitch, a mope, or a complete spaz. Ryan's despaired of taking me shopping anywhere, even for groceries, and if I'm not working on something (be it barring, writing/planning, or photoediting), my mind is all over the place. Unless, of course, I'm snapping at someone or whimpering in a corner.

I'd really like to know where the hell I went. This isn't me. I have mood swings just as bad as the next girl, I have an entire steam trunk of issues, and I'm always a bit of a spazzy little weirdo, but this is whole other animal. It feels like back in June, someone opened up my skull, stuck in a wooden spoon, and had a fine time mixing it all up.

Something isn't right. And I fucking hate it.

Anyway, that's why I've been really horrible with everything...it's even reached blog posts and photo posts now. I hate making excuses, and I promise I'm not instead spending all my spare time being a sad sack, it's mostly just a lack of physical and mental energy, a hole in my memory, and an inability to keep my thoughts in a straight line.

Love you all. I'll be back eventually. All of me. I promise.

There's So Many More Details...

SO. MUCH. GOING ON. OR TO DO. BLARGH.

[o] I started the 30 Day Creativity Challenge June 1st, and almost immediately fell behind. Then the trip happened. I'm a full 10 days behind, with no ideas for the ones I've missed. At this point I have a few options: (a) Remove what I've put up from the Facebook page and start over on July 1st (I'm fond of following months); (b) Pick up where I left off, pretending today is Day 7 instead of Day 16; (c) Scrap the whole thing and run away.

I'm not going to go with (c). Despite my college career (or because of it?), I'm unfond of dropping things I've only just started because they've gotten complicated. Option (a) gives me more time to plan, but I'm not sure if planning is really the point of the challenge. Of course, the point of the original challenge was drawing, which makes capturing each day's assignment a lot easier than photography does, so maybe I'm allowed to give myself some loopholes? I'd be happy putting it up to a vote for my followers, but I'm unsure of the amount of response I'd get.

[o] I have over 170 pictures to go through and edit. This makes me unbelievably happy, but it also requires time, and today is the first of seven days of work before my next day off. Two of those days will be six hour shifts, which will help, but those days will also have Moose & Shark Time, which obviously takes away from Editing Time. I'll figure it out, but in the meantime I feel mildly overwhelmed with the pressure I put on myself to put up at least one picture a day. It shouldn't be hard to keep up with, but I wonder if it's enough to keep people interested, should I put up more, blah blah blah...

[o] I got a message from a potential customer while in Connecticut, someone asking if a certain picture came in a note card. I responded the same day, asking what kind of note card she meant, but have yet to get an answer. After a conversation with Dad about the potential awesome or suck involved in cards, I'm not sure what kind of response I want to get...but I know I want one!!

[o] A potential wrench got thrown in the works on our last night in Connecticut, a wrench that is making us rethink all the possible living arrangements when we get back. I'm not going to get into all of it, but will say that we're trying to find a ratio involving money and comfort to judge all the possibilities. Complicating all of this is the Unknowns: how many hours will I get when I transfer, how soon will Ryan be able to find a job, how long can I/do I want to wait between arrival and working, etc etc.

[o] I ran into Current Boss yesterday while running in to get my schedule and tips, and told her about the plan to move. She said she needed a date and a specific place. I've picked the place--Storrs, across from E.O. Smith--but we're still trying to pick an exact date we'll be moving, plus the question I just mentioned.

I had been considering taking some breather time between arriving back in Connecticut and starting work again, say a month at the most. With all the considerations going on, I'm not sure if we'll be able to afford a break in income like that. I told her we'd have that decision in the next couple of days, forgetting all the madness between Question A and Answer Z. Oy.

[o] After discussion with Ryan's father, we've narrowed down the moving methods to two options: (a) something called U-Pack, which is similar to PODS, where a large storage unit is delivered, filled, picked up, and hauled to Connecticut for us; (b) renting a moving truck, which would require Ryan's father to fly out and drive. The deciding factor is money, which is, of course, complicated. How much more can we save in the next four months, how much can parents contribute (if they can afford to at all), exactly how much would tickets and tolls cost, etc etc.

Basically, over next days/months/weeks, I/we have to figure out:
[o] if/when to continue the 30 Day Challenge
[o] how to fit in my Hobby Job around my Day Job while meeting Social Requirements
[o] exactly where and how we want to live in Connecticut
[o] when we want to move back to Connecticut
[o] when I'll be starting work once back in Connecticut
[o] how much moving help we'll be able to gather
[o] how much money we'll be able to save
[o] finally, can I survive seven straight days of work with a million urgent questions I'm completely unable to answer bouncing around my head

Oh and I returned to new work drama and have to make decisions about the old work drama and there's a new person and borrowed people and whee. At least my brakes have been fixed.

Time for breakfast and clothes and off to work.

...PRAY FOR ME.

Why Did I Do It? WHY?!

Here's the list again:
[x] put check in the mail
[x] pick up packages from post office (hopefully avoid surly lady who was rude to me last time >.<)
[o] buy printer paper and ink
[o] print off at least one copy of Found and see if I'm up for editing it
[/] balance all the money records, which includes moving the messy pile of receipts and things from the right side of my desk to the folders they belong in
[o] discuss the last few presents with Ryan once he arrives home
[o] call Dad while rest of house is raiding, because it has been TOO DAMNED LONG since we had a successful phone call
[o] attempt to wrap some of the presents we already have...may need Ryan's help for this >.<

The first one was easy, of course--open mail box, place envelope inside, move "Outgoing" post-it from inside to outside of box, close and lock it. The second was...harder. The third didn't happen for much the same reason the second was difficult.

I'm a dumb today. I thought I could just run out to the Post Office and Best Buy on the first day of the last weekend before Christmas.

The Post Office. And Best Buy.

WHERE WAS MY BRAIN.

I hit the PO right around noon-thirty, and left without even parking...because there was nowhere to park. The tiny station nearest my house, where our packages live if we miss them being delivered, has maybe fifteen spots. And every single one was taken, with a line of cars waiting for the next available one. I missed my chance for one, circled around to maybe get back in line, and realized there was no way anyone was going to let me in.

So I left to go to Best Buy. I figured it might not be so bad, I wasn't shopping for fancy items like phones or iPods or games or even movies, I just wanted some paper and ink.

The place was packed, and the line...just thinking about it now makes me shudder. I walked in, looked at the line, turned and walked out. Just...it wasn't going to happen.

By this time it was past one, so I tried the Post Office again and was elated to see that it was back to normal...well, more or less, it is still the holiday season. But there was a spot--more than one, even!--and the line wasn't out the door, so I'm glad for that. I'm also glad that, although Madame Postal Worker was indeed working, I was lucky enough to not have to go to her line to pick up my packages. I can't promise that I would have been able to not remind her of our last interaction and point out that I in no way deserved the attitude she gave me and rant rant rant okay I'm done.

Two packages! From mothers! Woo!

I opened the one from mine since I knew Mom had also stuck in a book I had asked her to send along. Three prettily wrapped presents now sit on a side table, waiting patiently. I can't wait! Eee!

Anyway...because the paper and printer ink were not procured today, I won't be printing or pondering my...novel. If the traffic remains as bad as it was today (I didn't even mention the driving, did I? That's because the entire entry would be nothing but cuss words and all-caps and there might be a broken keyboard at the end of it), the whole thing may have to wait until after the holidays. And, if that's the case, I may just have to start on the next story, because it is ITCHING to get out of my fingers at this point.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have to put my papers in order, and then I may spend the rest of the afternoon until Ryan gets home either starting on the new story or playing WoW or reading or...oh, I'll find something.

I've Said It Before, I'll Say It Again: Game Days Should Get Hazard Pay.

Today...was kinda hellish.

Firstly, I slept like crap last night. Straight up. Took forever to fall asleep, tossed and turned, the whole nine.

Second, it was a game day. A home game day. A cold and rainy home game day that was just begging for a cup of coffee. Ugh.

Third, we had a surprise health inspection! During a rush! When we were supposed to go down to two people but H had to go hunt for paperwork that she couldn't find because our store manager didn't call back in time so D had to stay half an hour past her shift end or else I would have been all alone to deal with eleventybillion cars!

May I just add--WHO DOES A SURPRISE INSPECTION ON A GAME DAY. WHO. COME ON NOW.

Ahem.

By 5, I was an hour late for my meal, and H was waiting for D to arrive so they could discuss my leaving early, and THANK GOD THE DECISION WAS YES. Only a six hour day, but WORTH IT.

...please excuse the all-caps, it's been a long day.

Upshot for the day: I cracked 20K! According to MS Word, I am currently at 20,763 words. I want to keep going tonight, get past today's benchmark (21,671), but I'm just...stuck. I am really just pulling a blank on what the next scene should be, the next plot point is just gumming up the whole works, so I'm stuck here alternately reading Almost Paradise and staring at the screen while eating Peanut Brittle ice cream.

Quick note on Peanut Brittle ice cream:
Holy mother of yum.
That is all.

Tomorrow is only a six hour day, so maybe I can cram some more words in there. I almost wish I worked later in the day instead of 11 to 5...I won't say that I write better in the morning, or early afternoon, or whatever. I will say that I write better when I haven't spent 6 to 8 hours pouring my brain into pitchers and steaming it to serve to customers.

...wow that sounds gross. I do apologize.

And yet I'm not deleting it...

ANYWAY. I'm tired. And spazzy. And not even drinking! Wish me luck tomorrow! Ciao!