.....Ergh.

If you look at my word count at nanowrimo.org, you will see a number. 17,896. It's a nice number. It's a large number.

Unfortunately, it's a lie.

When I opened my laptop today, I did not have 17,896 words in my novel file. I had, and have, 16,880.

The other 1,016?
Eaten be evil elves.
Swallowed by sinister spies.
Deleted by diabolical devils.
Gone.

I discovered this on my first ten minute break of my six hour shift--shorter because of the two-hour Holiday Meeting about the new holiday merchandise, how to create World Class Service that means Just Saying Yes when the customer starts making a fuss, and how We The Partners are so Very Important and that's why we move you around like pawns without Those Inconvenient Emotions--and almost broke into tears. I had to hold my breath and concentrate for much longer than I'd like to admit. I also had to resist throwing my cell phone at the wall.

It's not a hard scene to rewrite. The part I liked best about it, I remember quite well. Hell, the rest of it will probably come out better this time around.

It's the time lost. It's the elation gone. It's the bubble busted.

My mother commented a few posts back, suggesting that I abandon the word count if it was causing me grief. I'll be honest, the word count is important to me--but it's not what my aim is. It's just a way of measuring my novel so I can participate with the community of other writers who are attempting this challenge. My aim is to finish a book, whether it's 50K, 80K, or 30K.

But finishing it isn't just about finishing a book. It's about finishing a book. It's about knowing that I did it, knowing that I Worked Hard and Finished Something.

It's the finished product, and the finishing.

Both of which are made that much harder when a thousand words are consumed by conniving....connivers.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have quite a bit of this day left to drown in this glass of wine...