Can Taste Buds Dream?

I texted Ryan on my break, whining talking about my vaguely crappy shift. He texted back with "I'll fix it."

[o] Came to visit me at work
[o] Got me a sourdough roll from Panera (I tried to get one on my break since I was hungry, but couldn't due to lack of cashier) AND a chocolate chip cookie for after dinner...
[o] ...which was...unbelievable. The order was: bottom bun, secret sauce (mayo, ketchup, garlic), hamburger patty (seasoned with Montreal steak seasoning and kosher salt), sauteed red peppers, garlic and jalapeno, Jarlsberg Swiss cheese, barbecue sauce, top bun. Also on the plate: steak fries and steamed corn on the cob.

I usually don't like Swiss, ever, and the barbecue sauce we have is usually a little too sweet for me, and I've never been a fan of the steak seasoning we have, and and and, blah blah blah...

IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING.

I will always stand by Ryan's cooking, he's seriously good, and he's made some of my favorite meals ever...and this may have been his best. It still vies with the chicken-pepper-white-wine-linguine dish, but c'mon, I'm a die hard pasta lover.

Oh man. I will have dreams about this meal. Nom. Nom nom. MAN.

Saving Lives And Taking Names.

*does a little dance*

*falls over*

I've had a fear of needles ever since my first senior year of high school, when I got dizzy spells no one could explain despite a zillion blood tests. I've also wanted a tattoo for a very long time, and for a while I thought that getting one would be an awesome way to conquer my fear of needles.

Today certainly helped me get past that fear a bit, but I didn't get a tattoo. (Mom, Dad, you can breathe now). Instead, Ryan and I went down to the South Bend Medical Foundation and donated blood.

I. Donated. Blood.

I never thought I'd say that.

Ryan took a little while to get all set up, since his finger stick refused to go in the vial and his vein didn't want to give it up, but eventually they got him going and he filled his bag in, oh, 4 minutes. Up and moving around and everything.

Me...yeah. My finger stick was fine, I got set up just fine, my blood was cooperating...then the nurse asked me how I was doing, apparently because my lips were losing a little color. I was a little dizzy and weak, so I told her, and the next thing I knew they were telling me to take deep breaths and tilting my seat back and putting wet clothes on my wrists and neck and forehead. Aheh.

That helped a lot, and my blood finished up just fine. I was feeling better, so they had me get up and stand next to the seat. That was fine...until it wasn't, and I lay back down and they elevated my feet again and gave me some juice. Then I felt better again, and Ryan made me drink some more juice and eat some snacks before he finally let me leave.

Honestly, all told, it was a great experience. The worst part of it was feeling shitty, and that was my own damn fault for donating without a REAL meal beforehand. Second worst was the embarrassment, which was unnecessary since the nurses were really nice, and told me that it wasn't uncommon. Third worst was the anticipation, because, c'mon, who's better at psyching me out than me? And hell, FOURTH worst was the finger stick they did to make sure I wasn't, I dunno, diseased or something, and I HATE finger sticks.

The needle part? Barely made the top 5 worst things about the experience, and is totally ruled out by knowing that I helped. I kept telling myself that as I was waiting to donate--"You're scared of a needle? People are dying. GET OVER IT."

Everything else on the list can be easily avoided next time by simply getting a good meal beforehand. And trust me, I will. Steak dinner. Gallon of orange juice. Bucket of chicken. TONS OF CALORIES AND LIQUIDS, DUDE.

Well, I won't be able to avoid the finger stick. But that's okay.

SO, the rest of the day is going to be spent on the couch, drinking lots and eating some and generally resting up. Tomorrow looks to be strenuous...writing at Starbucks and a dollar movie. I don't know how I'll manage.

OH. Best moment of the day. As I was sitting with my juice, chatting with the nurse and waiting to not be light-headed:

Me: (To Ryan) You could carry me out to the car.
Ryan: I'm not supposed to be do any strenuous activity.
Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT.
Nurse: OH! She got you good, man. You walked right into that one.
Ryan: I'm leaving you here.

:D

Deep Breaths...Almost To Awesome!

Today...was pretty fuh.

The morning was nice, waking up slowly to thunder and rain.

Then I went to work and it all went downhill. I'm not even going to go into it. Ugh.

Fuck it! I'm gone for a week. Tomorrow evening Ryan and I fly to Connecticut, and I spend the next three days after that wallowing in the peoples I've missed like hell for over a year. I CAN'T WAIT! :D

Tomorrow will be the last minute things--laundry so we don't have to worry about it when we get home, packing, getting money and Ryan's paycheck, etc--and then several hours of Hurry Up And Wait. Whee.

...I CAN'T WAIT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Owning It.

I already bragged a bit on Facebook, but I felt like getting into more detail here. What I've done today:

[o] Got up at 7:30 (against my will, but still)
[o] Had a real breakfast
[o] Found proof that I paid for my January clinic visit and the Not A Bill But You Owe Money piece of mail is BS
[o] Went back to Kate's Garden and took 280 shots, almost all of them useable
[o] Filled up my gas tank
[o] Had a real lunch
[o] Uploaded said shots
[o] Took some more shots, of myself, for the 30 Day Creativity Challenge, and edited and posted one to start Day One
[o] Put away the dishes

It's barely past noon, and I have eight hours of my day job, wherein I will earn money and be a good barista. Today is definitely a success, and it's only begun!

G'Duh?

Today was Errand and Chore Day. Most people hate this day of the week, I usually find it to be the best and most rewarding. What this says about my personality vs what this says about the other days in my week...hmmm...

Anyway: grocery store, bank, cleaning, laundry, blah blah blah. It's been nice. It's also been warm and sunny and just plain GORGEOUS, which always helps.

I've developed a new habit lately of taking a part of myself, a habit or a quirk or an instinctive reaction, and turning it over in my head and inspecting it and asking myself why do I do that? Through this, I've made two realizations the past week:

First, the backwards bullshit that is the fact that I've let the people who messed me up so badly back in middle school stay in my head and tell me lies...that I've given them power for the past, oh, 12 years. They hated me, laughed at me, mocked me, bullied me relentlessly...and I've given them power? When they're not even there anymore? THIS IS WRONG. Must fix.

Second, I'm allowed to be good at shit. A light bulb clicked on that I've always been afraid to acknowledge or act on the fact that, hey, I can take really good photographs. They're really good, and people really like them. Same with my writing. Putting it out there isn't stupid or naive, I'm not lying to myself when I think about trying to actually build my life around it. I'm allowed to be good at things.

The second is probably related to the first--one of the lies that got stuck in the gears was that I'm just another stupid worker ant, I can't be good at things--but they felt like two different light bulbs. Whatever. Good things to realize! Now to act on them...

Win All Over.

Today was a good day.

[o] Day off. Win.
[o] Ryan's day off. Double win!
[o] Paycheck from Target. Money win!
[o] Did some grocery shopping and came up under budget. Double money win!
[o] Gorgeous day out. Weather win.
[o] Pilgrimage to Goshen for our first Dunkin Donuts visit since we left Connecticut. Sweet tooth win.
[o] Spent Best Buy gift card BJ gave us*: Extra micro-SD card and a SD card reader for my computer, so I can now have one card each for music and pictures, and actually use my phone's music-playing capabilities instead of saving up to buy a separate mp3 player. Efficiency win.
[o] Got pretty coat at Target, since it's getting cooler out now, it's a gorgeous coat, and it was at a fantastic price (combined with Ryan's employee discount). Clothing win.
[o] Watched Iron Man 2 on Blu-Ray with Sameh. Action movie/pretty actors win.
[o] Got important (read: work clothes) laundry done. Productivity win.
[o] NaNoWriMo site 2010 relaunch, plus discovering that the Municipal Liaison for the South Bend region had already kick-started the region message board with some welcome threads, which included the mention of weekend NaNoWriMo write-ins and meet-ups. Possible social win.
[o] No work until 1, so I can sleep in a bit. SLEEP WIN.
[o] Had a whole day that was leisurely yet productive, laid back yet efficient, filled with one-on-one time with my love. Day win. :)

*For those who missed how awesome our roommate is: he and Sameh got a gift card from Best Buy when they bought Halo: Reach. He gave it to us because he knows that we're low on cash, and he wanted us to have some frivolous money. Biggest. Sweetheart. Ever.