Last Post of the Old Year...

Today is Halloween. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.

I had to do some fast-and-dirty research on Samhain, what with a full time job and gearing up for NaNo and catching up on sleep. What I took away from the research was that it's about two things: endings, and beginnings. Honoring the ones who have gone before, reaping and taking stock; starting new things, looking forward. Finding the beginning in the ending.

Tonight I'm putting a bowl of olives, a glass of wine, and something colorful for my beloved dead, and say a little prayer. Then I start writing my novel, for National Novel Writing Month and for myself. If I can find the dedication for this, I can keep going and be the writer that I want to be. Call myself a writer and not feel like a fraud.

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.

Wish me luck!

Zip!

I'm writing this one kind of late, so here are the highlights:

[o] legs still hurt, especially right one. Both feel like I've done hundreds of lunges, which, I assure you, is not the case.
[o] got Ryan some new shoes and insoles...although the shoes had to be ordered and won't be in until Thursday or Friday. Still! Non-feet-hurty shoes! Yay!
[o] I got a watch that doesn't make my wrist feel like it's being stung by bees! Yay!
[o] got some Christmas shopping done! WAY early! Woo!
[o] watched a few episodes of Dexter, I'm almost caught up with Ryan on season one. Great show on writing, story, and psychology.

Tomorrow is Halloween, Samhain, and my last day of freedom before the official start of NaNoWriMo. I am excited for all three of these things. Sadly, I wasn't able to find the exact candy I wanted to hand out to my customers, but I still found a good variety pack, so I'm looking forward to being the candy fairy! Whee!

Night all!

Nothing You Can Sing That Can't Be Sung.

Day off! Woo hoo!

A lot of my plans for today just all-out failed. Going for a walk was scratched due to my right leg still feeling shaky and untrustworthy. I agree with Ryan that it's probably due to the limp I had from the back ache, leading to heavy leaning and such. I promised Mom that I would see a chiropractor. That's on the to do list for next week.

Going to the bank with Ryan's paycheck panned because I forgot to have him sign it before I left Target, and he worked until past closing time. D'oh. He's signing it tonight, and I'm making a special early trip to deposit it and get out rent money before the bank closes tomorrow.

Laundry and cleaning didn't happen because...well...I didn't feel like it.

Still, it's been a good day.

Fantastic light flooded through the window and onto my desk this morning, inspiring me to break out the camera and the marbles that David sent me. I got some good pictures out of the "session," which I spent parts of the afternoon and evening playing with. Not all the pictures were great or even usable--I'm still very hinky with indoor light settings--but I was still so pleased with the good shots, and with making them look good with Photoshop, that I made myself a little sign that says "I AM GOOD AT THIS" and have it propped up by my monitor.

Ryan likes it.

I also watched a movie tonight--Across The Universe, a musical/historical/romantic movie about an American girl and British boy that fall in love during the Vietnam war, with music from The Beatles used to highlight, frame, and otherwise awesome-ize the story. The last scene was my favorite (although Eddie Izzard as Mr. Kite was fanfreakingtastic), leaving me to wonder how I haven't claimed All You Need Is Love as my theme song before now.

By the way. It's mine now. You can't have it. Nyah.

Tomorrow is not only another day off, but it's a day off with Ryan. Happy dance! We're getting him new shoes (as his old ones are breaking and causing him immense foot pain), and hopefully fixing my watch issue...that issue being that I bought one today, and I really like it, but the band drives me nuts.

It should be another good day. Then it's Halloween, then I can finally WRITE! :D

...whee!

Ugh/Mmm.

Uuuuugggghhhh.

I'm just home from work. I have tomorrow off. And Saturday. Two. Days. Off.

I love my job, and I love my co-workers, but I think we could all stand this little break from each other before stabbing happens.

Today was gloomy, gray, wet, cold, and ugh. Drive-thru was a monster for the first half of my shift, and then...dead. Just dead. Five partners, nothing to do. The floors and counters were clean, the fridges and cases were stocked, the dishes were done, everything that could be done before closing was. And no customers.

But because of the earlier rush, we were over our "customer count" or whatever, so cutting labor wasn't an option.

UGH.

I have my vanilla steamer, and I'm ready to climb into pajamas, boil myself some frozen pasta, and wait to leap about like a happy sprite when Ryan arrives home. Then we'll settle down on the couch to watch some recorded Alton Brown, and I can slowly drift into Day Off land, and all will be right with the world.

Mmm.

Ergh.

Well...today was...

...


...long.

Got a call a little after 7 in the morning. It's M calling from my store. I'm not scheduled until noon, but K called in sick, when can I get there. o.O

I agree to 10:30, when A leaves, M is pleased, I go back to bed around a quarter after 7...forgetting that Ryan's alarm is set for 7:30 so he can be at work by 8:30.

Finally get back to sleep around 8:45...my alarm goes off at 9.

Go into work. Work is...work. Ergh.

Around 1:30, my back starts hurting. I mentioned a random pain a few days ago? That, except changed. Instead of shooting up from my shin to my butt every step, it's just a constant pain in my lower back that walking and standing aggravates. Except it keeps changing--first weight helps, then it hurts, then it helps, then it huts, ERGH.

J finally convinces me to go home at 4, so labor hours won't be too bad, plus the fact I'm limping around the store.

It's been better since I got home. I spent some time on the living room floor, flat on my back with an "ice pack" (popsicles wrapped in paper towels) on the painful spot, and it seems to be all better. I can feel it wanting to twinge again, but it's behaving itself, so...yay.

Especially yay since we have to spend money on at least two doctor visits in the next month, plus new glasses for Ryan. WOO!

I am extremely tired, and thankful that I don't have work until 1 tomorrow. Hopefully I don't get another call asking to come in early. If I do...I'm not sure what my response will be. Hopefully not a growl.

Not A Pretty Process, But Hopefully A Pretty Product.

My horoscope for this week, courtesy of Free Will Astrology:


Have you ever seen the edible fungi known as truffles? They are bulbous, warty clumps. Because they grow underground near trees, specially trained pigs and dogs are needed to sniff out their location. In parts of Europe their taste is so highly prized that they can sell for up to $6,000 per pound. In my opinion, the truffle should be your metaphor of the month this November. I expect that you will be in the hunt for an ugly but delectable treasure, or a homely but valuable resource, or some kind of lovable monster. Halloween costume suggestion: a Frankensteinian beauty queen or underwear model, a rhino in a prom dress, a birthday cake made of lunchmeat.


So, November will be spent in search of something both desirable and undesirable. All I can think about, in response to this, is NaNoWriMo.

What I love about NaNo is that it's basically a challenge to anyone who keeps saying that they want to write a book...someday. It's a combination of a calling out and an opportunity to put your money where your mouth is. Writing a book, from what I've seen and heard, is ugly and hard and frustrating and painful...but if you're really meant for it, it's unavoidable, it's an addiction, it's a release.

One of my favorite quotes about writing (apparently said by Walter Wellesly "Red" Smith, whoever he may be) puts it better I can:

"There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein."

And that's what I'm looking forward to in just one week. Opening a vein, letting loose the flood that's been building up over the past month of heavy-duty story planning. This week will be lots of psyching up, stoking my excitement until I'm up at 3 AM Sunday night, typing away like a madwoman.

*grin*

Murgle.

Today...not my day. Sleeping: bad. Work atmosphere: depressing, stressful, and stupid busy. Health: questionable, with a random pain stabbing from shin to, ah, rump with every other step.

On the upshot, I was able to go home way early due to overstaffing which was due to: new guy! His name is D, he's the new shift, and I'm still reserving judgement until I've worked with him more and he's gotten more comfortable with us, and with the store.

Right now, I am bit counting the days until the weekend, and dreading it. I have both Friday and Saturday off, I'm looking forward to working and giving candy away on Halloween, and one week from today is the first day of NaNoWriMo. BUT...this is J's last week, and I HATE that she's leaving, and that she blames herself for it.

Grumble.

Tomorrow looks promising, with awesome coworkers and high likelihood of going home early, so...high hopes! Yeah...

Win Some, Lose Some.

Today was up and down.

Slept in until noon. Wonderful, lovely sleep. Ryan made us both a yummy breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast. We got showered and dressed and ready and headed out for our day.

The main purpose of the day was to get Ryan a winter coat. BJ got one yesterday at Burlington Coat Factory that is lovely, and this gave us high hopes, as BJ is almost exactly the same size as Ryan. However, troubles abounded--coats that fit him were too big and draped his frame, while one size down would be way too small. As is the way of things, he happened on a coat that he fell in love with, but the largest it came in was XXL, which was too small. We gave up and left, feeling discouraged.

Went to Starbucks and got ourselves some drinks (and said hi to my peeps :D), did some quick grocery shopping, went home and watched Good Eats. We then remembered our other goal for the day: getting new pictures of me in my new coat, hat, necklace, and earrings. We ended up going to the park, where Ryan got some good pictures of me, as well as many lovely pictures of the park itself.

Finally, for the day, was my NaNoWriMo South Bend meet-up. It was...okay. The Municipal Liaison for the area, Jessica, is a really great person, very upbeat and cheerful and fun. There were a few people who tended to dominate the conversation, which made getting to know everyone and actually talk about NaNo a little difficult. C'est la vie, I shall definitely be attending other write-ins and meet ups and doing my best to stay connected with everyone. :)

And now, I have to get up on the early side to do the laundry I never did today, and so--to bed!

Ch-Ch-Changes...Turn and Face the Suck....

I know the date up there says Sunday, but, let's be honest, I've missed the point where I can post-date the entry by, oh, twelve hours, so work with me here and just pretend this is a Saturday post, okay? Okay.

Today sucked. For one reason alone.

J, one of my favorite co-workers, an awesome shift, always just ridiculous amounts of fun to work with, becoming a good friend...is getting transferred to the Ironwood store.

Rage.

We're getting some new guy from Florida to replace J. I don't want him. I want J.

I'm pissed for several reasons. First, on her behalf: This will be her third transfer, to the last available store in the district, in the past six months. She started at the Ireland store, went to Main & Douglas when she started dating a co-worker, went to our store because we needed a new closer, and is now going to Ironwood to be one of their closers. The poor girl is getting a complex, thinking she's getting passed around because no one wants her and she's doing it wrong, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

Second, corporate keeps promoting this culture of being a family, of being more than just a faceless business...but the faces keep changing because no one with any power seems to have any qualms with using workers like game pieces. It's hard to give any kind of shit for a company that doesn't seem to give a shit about its workers.

Finally. If I have any more change in my life. I'm going to puke.

Let's review, shall we? Since the beginning of this year, the following crap has happened:
[o] I found out a dear friend committed suicide
[o] I decided to attend, and was accepted at, Eastern
[o] I left school
[o] I left my job of two years
[o] I turned 25
[o] Ryan and I moved 800 miles
[o] We got our first apartment, with our first set of roommates, and our first set of all-on-us bills
[o] I got my first full-time job
[o] Ryan went to the hospital
Personnel changes alone:
[o] Within two weeks of starting this job, the store manager left the company
[o] JH left
[o] DD left
[o] KB left
[o] A came
[o] A left
[o] JP came
[o] JP left
[o] J came
[o] J will be leaving
[o] JC came
[o] M came
[o] D came
[o] Boss Lady came
[o] H got promoted
[o] L got demoted

....seriously. This isn't cool. I know that some of those items are all my/our fault, so feel free to ignore that and look at the store changes alone. Six people leaving, three of them "against their will" (not kidnap so much as forceful transfer), and two of those were transferred in by the same people who are now transferring them out. What the hell.

Now, please unignore the first part of that list, and look at all that crap that I've had to process since May. Yes, a lot of it was my doing, but still, it's had to be processed. Can you see why the idea of one more little change makes me want to curl up into a ball in the corner?

Blargh.

To Reiterate: :)

Today, in contrast to yesterday, was a through-and-through good day.

I had a good think after getting up on the early side.
I stumbled on a very nice little park while trying to round-about my way to the just-okay park.
I had a good think at the park. A very good think. A soul-contentedness kind of think.
Had a good talk with Ryan after I got back.
Got to work with H, Boss Lady, and L, all of which I really, really enjoy working with. Also, L was in a good mood, which means feisty and giggly. And working with Boss Lady is always just fan-freaking-tastic.
Got out of work an hour early.
Left work with what may be my new favorite drink: vanilla rooibos tea latte with vanilla syrup (or, as I called it on Facebook, a double-vanilla rooibos latte).
Returned home to find that Ryan did indeed get my text about getting out early and put the soup on so it was hot when I arrived.
Also found that Ryan had gone grocery shopping, getting my bagels, iced tea, milk, and....BUTTERSCOTCH PUDDING. I'm keeping him.

The only thing that could have made the day better...

...

Nope. It was pretty damned good. :)

Tomorrow is my last day of five work days in a row, 1 to 9:30, and then I have Sunday off. Sunday is the first South Bend NaNoWriMo meet-up, and I'm really excited about it! I plan on spending a little while at my store first, reacquainting myself with my novel idea, since I haven't touched it in over a week.

Next week's schedule is interesting--two 8-hour days, 1 7 1/2-hour day, 1 7-hour day, and 1 5-hour day. Then Friday and Saturday off in a row. The week after that includes a weird three day schedule that goes: Off, 8 AM to 2 PM, Off. o.O

All in all, the next good while looks to be a good while. Yay. :)

And now, back to my soup...mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Dude. The Hell.

Why must public servants be cranky? Why?

I went to the post office today to pick up two packages that I had been expecting. I found a postcard in the mailbox yesterday saying there was no one home when they were dropped off, where to find them, when they'd be available, etc etc.

I waited patiently in line, handed over the postcard, and took the packages. I was told that I didn't need to sign for them. Honestly curious and surprised, I asked: "Then why weren't they left at my door?"

"Well," replied Madame Postal Worker, "We have this whole security and sanctity thing we have to follow."

...

Because I have this deep-rooted nature to assume the best in people, I thought that maybe she had mistaken my question for one incredulous and complaining, instead of honest and curious. So I followed up with, "It's just that I've had other packages left at my door before..."

"Different carriers. We do get days off once in a while."

...

"Have a nice day..."
"Uh-huh."

And, thus dismissed, I left.

What. The. Hell.

The rest of the day was pretty good--packages! books! presents! mostly good people at work! Job not being an annoying pest the entire shift!--but that worker's inner insistence that I was being rude enough to deserve such an attitude has been prickling at me the rest of the day.

And this is why I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, not be cranky at them, and even smile or compliment them--because sometimes the smallest interaction can affect someone's entire day.

Grrr...

....hi!

I know, I know. I've been awful about updates for the past month or so. I apologize whole-heartedly. I have nights where I'm too exhausted ti turn on the computer, and nights when I just plain forget.

It doesn't help that my life is, well, a little boring. I go to work. I play WoW sometimes. I do laundry and go grocery shopping. I read and watch tv.

The interesting things - NaNoWriMo, investigating Druidism, games changes - are either paused, personal, or complicated/boring for others to read about.

These aren't excuses, and this isn't a and-this-is-why-I'm-quitting post. Just an explanation and apology.

:)

Love you all.

TDL4R&RDO

Today's To Do List for Ruth & Ryan's Day Off!

[o] laundry. lots of it.
[o] call insurance to see why, when Ryan checked to see if our insurance would work at the Target eye center (hooray employee discount), the eye center found that we're only covered for "safety glasses"
[o] call up list of insurance-covered lady-doctors to make an appointment
[o] go to FedEx and photocopy/fax insurance card so I can get dropped from Mom's insurance
[o] go to United Art and Education store to get some more marbles (also, this store looks potentially HELLA COOL)

..ta da? I think that's all of it. I hope so.

I'll try to come back later and update the list to show completion. This may also involve talking about new WoW stuff, but who knows. Just a warning. :)

o.o

So, of course, I had crap sleep last night. Fourth night in a row. And just in time for an early day. An early game day. An early home game day against a rival.

...>.<

In all honesty, it wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting, and my co-workers (who usually do mornings) said that this wasn't bad at all. It got busy, yeah, but not horribly so. And all in all,it wasn't a bad day, even considering that I kept getting grounds in the Pike (and never did figure out how >.<).

I have to say, though, that it was odd to have lunch around...lunchtime. Noonish. What the hell? Who does that? Oh, right, NORMAL PEOPLE.

Boss Lady let me leave an hour early (because she's AWESOME), and I immediately went home and crashed for around 40 minutes. I always regret taking naps during the day--I wake up with a sour stomach, dry mouth, groggy head, and cranky attitude. However, after six hours of sleep (not all in a row!) and seven hours of work, it was really just out of my control.

I am currently nomming on some fettucini alfredo and breadsticks (yay Fazoli's!), and may make tonight an early night. There's a raid that 3/4 of the household is involved in (guess who ain't?), and did I mention I was tired?

Tomorrow's a "normal" day for me (2 to 10:30), and Monday is off. Monday is also the beginning of the week that I turn back to my NaNo plan and start picking at it to make sure it's workable. Only two weeks left! Meep!

Now, back to the pasta...

Sleeping and Chicken and Doom, Oh My!

Always nice to have a day off. I slept until noon (and could have kept going!), Ryan and I got errands done, and I respecced my mage with the new fire talents!

...Yeah, you can just ignore that last one.

Ryan also roasted a chicken. A whole chicken. With a stuffing made from celery, onion, and garlic. It was delicious. And it is now sitting on the stove, turning into chicken stock.

I think we can all agree that I picked a good guy. :D

Tomorrow is an early day: 7:30 to 4. UGH. I'm taking a melatonin in the next half an hour or so, and winding my way down to hopefully be asleep by 10:30, 11 at the latest.

Oh, as well as going in early, did you know tomorrow is a Notre Dame football game? A home game? Against Western Michigan?

Please...please send me all the luck you have.

whimper...

Writing and Druid and Sleep, Oh My!

I seem to have returned to a sleep habit I thought I had rid myself: waking up every hour or two. I got rotten sleep Tuesday night, and was bone-deep-exhausted all day yesterday, and what kind of sleep do I get? Interrupted. Ergh.

At least what I did get was more or less refreshing. Oh well.

I've hit a wall in the story planning. I don't have writer's block, since I can't start actually writing until November first (and I am dying to). I just ran out of planning to do until then. Ryan's suggested letting it all sit for a week before going back to it, and maybe that'll help. Here's hoping.

Meanwhile, I do have the eighth book in the Sword of Truth series to finish, plus I've started reading another book: Drawing Down the Moon. I've been doing a lot of thinking, lately, about Pagan stuff, specifically Druidism. Starting to do some research to see how to better incorporate it into my life. Stumbling onto The Order of Bards, Ovates & Druids certainly helped me a lot...I'm basically already following the beliefs and principles, without any organization or ritual or anything like that. I'd like to have more of it in my life, hence reading the only book on Paganism I brought with my from Connecticut*.

That whole paragraph was basically to say that I can spend my non-story-planning week researching Paganism and Druidism and planning for Samhain. Whee!

I am really excited to move back toward that area of interest...looking back on my attempts to learn about it as a teenager, I was going through too much other stuff to really let it fully absorb. When I started reading DDtM yesterday, I recognized that I had read it before, but it still felt new. Hard to describe.

Although, I'll admit, I'm not looking forward to JC questioning my reading material. Did I mention he's one of seven children in a heavily Republican and Christan household? Did I mention that he was home-schooled in this same household? Yeah. That's fun to work with. All he has in his head for the word "hippie" is "pot addict," so, now that I've called myself a hippie in front of him, he thinks I'm a pothead...the end. Throwing Pagan and/or Druid in there will be FUNTIMES.

Time to get ready for the day. One more eight-hour shift, then a day off! WHEE!

*I do have A Book of Pagan Prayer here in Indiana, but it's fairly single-minded, you know?

The Food Stamp Phone Interview. Whee.

Well. That was the most...annoying phone interview ever.

First, the "Eligibility Worker" called almost 40 minutes late, with no apology or explanation.

Next, she asked if I was okay being put on speaker phone, as there was someone there learning. I said fine. I wish I hadn't, as we spent the rest of the interview asking each other to repeat ourselves, because of the ridiculous amount of background noise and garble. I could also hear her give small instructions on what she was doing. It just came across as completely uncaring and unprofessional.

There was a kerfuffle when I mentioned our roommates. She acted like I was trying to pull one over on her by not mentioning them before, and said she would need all their information and a letter stating that we split rent and utilities and no other expenses. This annoys the heck out of me because, after an insane amount of annoying research in which I attempted to navigate their stupid phone tree and ultimately found the answer buried on the internet, I found the definition of "household" as "people who buy food and share meals together." That's I didn't list them. When I explained this, she again acted like I was trying to get out of something when I was just trying to explain why I hadn't listed them before--because of your own definition, lady!

When I mentioned the impending hospital bills--whose number we don't know yet because St. Joseph is also being a pain in the rear about helping us, grumble grumble--she said that hospital bills "don't count in the budget," and weren't taken into consideration. Fantastic.

Finally, she told me that, with our combined income, we were over the eligibility cap. She asked if I wanted to proceed anyway, or voluntarily withdraw. I asked her honest advice. "As I just told you, ma'am, with your combined gross income you're at $x,xxx and the cap is $y,yyy." At that point, after trying to access the human being and being bluntly denied, I was done with the whole thing. Knowing that we were going to be denied, I voluntarily withdrew. She said that, if Ryan isn't hired at the end of this month, we can apply all over again.

I am so annoyed right now I could spit. The entire thing was jarring, unprofessional, and without any ounce of human emotion. I understand that's it's a government program, and they have to be harsh in order to weed out anyone trying to get a free lunch, and maybe some of their interviewees are, indeed, trying to get one past them. However, I was nothing but polite, honest, straight-forward, even apologetic when I found out I should have listed BJ and Sameh. None of it was appreciated one bit. And it was all for nothing.

If Target doesn't keep Ryan on at the end of the month, I'll start the process over again. Obviously, I hope that's not the case--not just because I want him to keep his job, but because I never want to deal with that bullshit again.

And to think, that was only the start of my day...

Weight Talk...And Then Some!

Since moving to Indiana, my attempts at keeping up with exercise and not eating fast food have been...well...what's a nicer word for "failure?"

Almost every attempt at using the Wii Fit ending in feeling like crap. Lining up free time, good weather, and a good place to walk is an exercise in futility; also, I'm completely exhausted most of the time. The Curves I looked into was a pain in the ass to get in and out of, and just didn't feel...right. I realized, almost as soon as I walked in, that I didn't want to go back to Curves....I wanted to go back to my Curves.

I'm not eating complete crap. I've picked up good snacks like greek yogurt, edamame, and hummus, and Ryan cooks for us a lot with correct portion sizes and equal shares of protein, starch, and veggie. However, there are some nights when neither of us wants to cook or clean a dish to cook, and we end up hitting up some drive-thru or another for dinner. And then there's the fact that the place I work at offers me 5 free drinks per 8 hour shifts, and I never opt for sugar-free or nonfat anything. Plus the be-fricked pastry case that just sits there and taunts me all day until I cave in and buy myself a piece of coffee cake to bring home.

The pitfalls, they have been numerous.

So, funny story: I've lost weight.

I turned the Wii on yesterday for the first time in months. Specifically, Wii Fit told me it had been 82 days since my last workout. But in that span, I've lost 2 1/2 pounds.

o.O

The annoying thing is that I couldn't lose that much when I was trying to, working out every day and yelling at myself about fat and calories. Then I get too tired to care, and this happens. OKAY!

In all honesty, I weighed myself because it was getting pretty obvious that I had lost weight. Clothes that used to be form-fitting, or even snug, are looser on me. I just look smaller--even Ryan said so, with absolutely no prompting. At the same time, my calves, thighs, butt, and upper arms have gotten more muscular, obviously from spending my days running around and lifting gallons of milk and boxes of syrups.

This leads me to believe that, if I checked my BMI, that number would be way lower than it was a few months ago. I think I may have lost more than 2 1/2 pounds of fat, and made up some difference in muscle.

The truth is, I'm not going to really change a whole lot of anything based on this fact. My drinks will still be venti (when they're free), 2% and non-sugar-free, and I will get a frappuccino to take home if I want to. My ability to find time and energy to exercise is not going to improve. I might get better control over myself about the pastries, but that's really about it.

After working at Curves for almost 2 1/2 years, and seeing food and diet anxiety is just about every form, I have more or less decided that I will never again let myself deal with food guilt. I love food, and I refuse to feel bad because I don't want to deprive myself of my favorite things and eat cardboard. I try and find healthy alternatives when I can, but come on: my favorite food is starch. I live for mashed potatoes and pasta. There is no way I can live a completely "healthy" lifestyle and still get my favorite foods, and I refuse to compromise.

And, in all honesty...I'm actually really happy with myself right now. I'm happy with the way I look for the first time since I started caring about how I look...that'd be about, what, 13 years? Since I hit puberty? I mean, I'm not perfect, I wish I didn't have odd acne on my arms and legs, and if all my fat dropped off or turned to muscle overnight I certainly wouldn't complain, but I don't think any less of myself for having some fat on me. Full disclosure: I'm at 156 lbs. I love every pound of it.

And I like who I am. Things aren't easy, but I work hard and do everything I can. I make people smile every day--sometimes accidentally, but mostly because I honestly try to. More than once in the past few months, I've seen first-hand that I can put my worries and stress aside to be there for someone who needs me, no questions asked, no hesitation. At the same time, I've learned how to be true to myself, to do what I want without impeding on others' happiness, and I've come to peace with my current limitations on what I want to do for myself.

I'm happy with myself, inside and out, for the first time since I was a kid. The fact that I've hit this mindset while at the point in my life where I am also the most stressed, most broke, and most limited I have ever been in my life, is both funny and mind-boggling. It helps to know that, again, I am doing the best I can, and no one can say any different. At the end of the day, a lot of it might be out of my hands, but I can at least hold on to that.

...right, this got long for just a "quick" entry about my odd weight loss. And deep. Oof.

Now, I need to decide if I'm writing from home or at Starbucks, then move about my day accordingly. Love you all. :)

The First Promotion For Either Of Us, And It's Not What You'd Think.

Ummm...

Not much new...

...:D

Kitty and Alex came over, so I got to see them for a little bit when I got home from work. Mostly the bunch of us just talked while kinda-watching Pet Semetary on TV. Very fun and relaxing, and for a bonus, I bought some jewelry from Kitty. Is pretty and blue! I had Ryan take some pictures of me the other day so I'd have an updated picture, but I might have him do it again, just to add the pretty new necklace and earrings! :D

There is some news, on the WoW front: Ryan has been officially made Guild Master. Our friend, Simon, was the Guild Master, but he's been having less and less free time to devote to the game or the guild, due to school and social obligations. So he turned it over to Ryan, who already has some plans, mostly to do with the guild forum, which has been down for a few weeks now and doesn't look like it'll ever be saved. He's sketching up a new page, with more information and such for members, new design, everything.

It may be a fairly small thing in the "real world," but still...I'm proud of him, and he seems pretty happy about it. :)

Tomorrow is day off, and I have to decide if I want to spend the long hours while Ryan's at work planning at home, or planning at Starbucks. Monday's are usually a little busier, so it might be easier to just stay home, put on some loud music, and FOCUS.

Wish me luck!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Last night's Surprise Dinner was lamb cooked in a spice mix that included coriander, turmeric, cumin, paprika, and garlic; a HUGE batch of macaroni cheese, made from scratch with white cheddar and flavored with hints of nutmeg and cayenne pepper; and green beans.

Have I mentioned that I LOVE THIS MAN.

First, let's point out that the only reason he chose macaroni and cheese as the starch of the meal? Is because I have...ridiculous love of macaroni and cheese. It's one of those things I could eat every meal of every day for the rest of my life, and be completely happy. I'd also be yellow and sickly, but I WOULDN'T CARE.*

Second, and the emphasis on this is more easily understood know that you have been told about my love affair of mac'n'cheese, the lamb was my favorite part of the meal. It was flavorful, and it was so. tender. The only complaint we both had is that the chops were much too small--I ended up going at both our bones with hands and teeth, getting every last morsel. It was heavenly.

After I ate way too much of the macaroni and cheese and picked the bones as clean as I possibly could, I basically slipped into a food coma for the rest of the night. It was the best meal I've had in quite a while.

Pictures to come. :D

Today is a combined day off (WIN!), and we're being fairly lazy. About to go out to run minor errands, then back home for laundry and a raid. :)

*This is also true of mashed potatoes (which wages an eternal battle with macaroni and cheese as my Favorite Food Ever), bacon, rice, and basically any pasta you can name.

Lamb Surprise?

Yesterday was another So Tired The Blog Fell Out Of My Head day. Sorry!

Yesterday was also a "failure" when it came to Planning. I never got my act together to get to my Bucks early...today shall be different! Today shall be PRODUCTIVE!

Today will also involve a surprise dinner. All I'm allowed to know is that there's lamb, a starch, and certain spices (which I can't remember right now). That's it. Ryan's been having a field day planning this all out. I'm a little scared of what I'll find when I get home tonight...

Off I go!

YOU LISTENIN' TO ME, BRAIN?!

My Plan For Today:
[o] take out recycling
[o] do laundry
[o] minor grocery shopping
[o] hit the bank
[o] refill vitamin box (since I haven't since Friday and therefore haven't taken any since Friday and HEY, maybe THAT'S why I'm feeling so lousy the past few days, GEE, YA THINK, BRAIN?)
[o] go to Starbucks and story plan for AT LEAST two hours, if not more, while Ryan's at work. Also an excuse to get tips and see mah buddies.

I did that thing today where I wake up with fifty million more things I "should" do and if I don't I'm a horrible person/girlfriend/daughter/woman/human being/etc. I hate it when I do that. I blame the hormones.

Yes, I went there.

Other things that happen today may involve cleaning, calling around to find a new lady-parts doctor, reorganizing, and such. Or not. AND THAT'S OKAY, BRAIN.

Tomorrow Is Another Day!

So...didn't get much story work done today. I didn't get to my store until a little after 1, and I had work at 1:45, and it took a few minutes to settle down, and Katie came and talked to me, etc etc.

I didn't get there until 1 because
I didn't get up until 11:30 because
I didn't get to bed until 3 because
Ryan, Sameh, BJ, Ali and I didn't start watching Lilo & Stitch until 1:30 because
we wanted to watch the premiere episode of The Next Iron Chef which was an hour and a half long and started at midnight, when BJ and Ali got home/arrived.

...yeah.

On the upshot, I finally got to see Lilo & Stitch. :D Such a cute movie! I really identified with Lilo, too...I was a very strange child, much like her. And yes, I almost cried a couple of times. Shut up. So would you.

I have tomorrow off, and Ryan works from 6 to 10:30 at night. The plan is to get up, do the laundry, do some minor grocery shopping with Ryan before he has to go to work, then spend the evening at my Starbucks, poking at my story. I get to be productive during the day, then busy myself while Ryan's at work. Win all around!

Wish me luck with progress tomorrow!

The Little Flag Says "Yay" On It.

So, I totally missed that Friday was the one-year birthday of this blog.

*waves tiny flag*

Today was a pretty good day. It wasn't an eventful day--I got up, I puttered, I went to work, I worked, now I'm home--but still, a good day. Worked with good people, got to have lunch with Ryan, finished reading a book, did some planning.

Tomorrow begins my Month of Planning. I'm going to attempt a daily routine of going to my Starbucks and working on my story idea for a good amount of time, before or after work. I know that if I don't have a good skeleton by November 1st, I'm going to waste precious time trying to get organized instead of fleshing it out and just writing. So, October is going to be devoted to character design, scene order, background, and so on.

Fortunately, it seems my schedule will make this pretty easy (*crosses fingers*). I'm pre-closing all next week, which means I can get there around 10 or 11 and have 3-4 hours to work on things before clocking in. I've been doing afternoons pretty steadily almost my entire span there, so I feel good about the reliability of this schedule.

November is going to be even more devoted than October. I'll be getting up early and staying up late, devoting every break and meal and available minute to pounding out the words. I am going to put in the best effort I possibly can. I don't even care if I make the goal or not--wait, no, that's a lie. Of course I care about making the goal. But almost more than that, I just want to prove that I can devote myself to writing, and not just dreaming about it.

I'm happy that tomorrow will be my first "real" effort toward NaNoWriMo. It's not the first of October; it's the fourth. And four is my lucky number.

There's Butt Wiggling, Finger Pointing...All That Good Stuff.

So far today, I've done two things:

I managed to use the new little SD card reader I bought, and now have music on my phone. That's right, I'm using my fancy little phone to the full extent it was made for. This is new and exciting ground for me. The best part isn't that I didn't have to save for a new music player, it's not that I didn't have to carry a different little thing around to enjoy music, and it's not even that I'm finally using all my fancy phone's functions. It's that I did this all by myself. I used semi-advanced technology without anyone's help. GO ME!

I set up my NaNoMail so I can know about new stuff going on with the site, the event, and my home region. I poked at the home page for the South Bend region last night, and even posted an introduction on our thread. I really want to try and get to as many meet-ups and write-ins as I can, to get some camaraderie, support, advice, good writing time, etc. Really excited about the possibilities!

I've also set myself the first goal (well, the second, if count "Get An Idea Worth Running With" as the first one): Have some Novel Info ready to put on my page by the end of next week. A nice, tidy, entertaining, curiosity-invoking synopsis by Wednesday, Friday at the latest.

Three things down, and it's not even noon. I have to leave for work in an hour, and I'm there until 9:30, and then it's home for some BRAINSTORMIN' TAHM!

*does the I Did Stuff Dance, goes on her merry way*

Win All Over.

Today was a good day.

[o] Day off. Win.
[o] Ryan's day off. Double win!
[o] Paycheck from Target. Money win!
[o] Did some grocery shopping and came up under budget. Double money win!
[o] Gorgeous day out. Weather win.
[o] Pilgrimage to Goshen for our first Dunkin Donuts visit since we left Connecticut. Sweet tooth win.
[o] Spent Best Buy gift card BJ gave us*: Extra micro-SD card and a SD card reader for my computer, so I can now have one card each for music and pictures, and actually use my phone's music-playing capabilities instead of saving up to buy a separate mp3 player. Efficiency win.
[o] Got pretty coat at Target, since it's getting cooler out now, it's a gorgeous coat, and it was at a fantastic price (combined with Ryan's employee discount). Clothing win.
[o] Watched Iron Man 2 on Blu-Ray with Sameh. Action movie/pretty actors win.
[o] Got important (read: work clothes) laundry done. Productivity win.
[o] NaNoWriMo site 2010 relaunch, plus discovering that the Municipal Liaison for the South Bend region had already kick-started the region message board with some welcome threads, which included the mention of weekend NaNoWriMo write-ins and meet-ups. Possible social win.
[o] No work until 1, so I can sleep in a bit. SLEEP WIN.
[o] Had a whole day that was leisurely yet productive, laid back yet efficient, filled with one-on-one time with my love. Day win. :)

*For those who missed how awesome our roommate is: he and Sameh got a gift card from Best Buy when they bought Halo: Reach. He gave it to us because he knows that we're low on cash, and he wanted us to have some frivolous money. Biggest. Sweetheart. Ever.