Friday, October 2, 2009

My name is Ruth Johnson, and I'm addicted to HGTV.

That's right, I'm addicted. House Hunters, My First Place, Property Virgins, Dear Genevieve, Color Splash, all of it! Even Divine Design, even though Candice Olson makes my skin crawl. You know what she does? She tries to be Ellen DeGeneres. She wants to be cute and quirky and adorable, and she is trying ever so hard to nail it. But you can tell that every action is exquisitely planned, and that just ruins it.

Now Genevieve...I love Genevieve. I've loved her ever since Trading Spaces. Now, on Dear Genevieve, she gets letters from people about rooms that are ruining their lives, and comes in and pulls the perfect design out of their hearts. She doesn't just ask what they want for a floor plan, what their favorite colors are, blah blah blah. She asks about their lives, their values, their interests, what they do in that room, what they want that room to be about beyond just "place to cook" or "place to sleep". Then she takes these things, runs around barefoot, scares the shit out of the homeowners with color swatches, and makes them cry.

Genevieve is also one of the only designers I know of that can't draw for shit. Each episode, she takes out a huge piece of paper to sketch out the room, and there is just no finesse to it. Lines are not straight, angles are not square, scale is not in proportion. But none of it matters, because it gets the idea across.

She's also gorgeous and sweet and compassionate and friendly and I WANT TO HUG HER SO BAD.

Oh, and then there's Color Splash. With David Bromstad. David. Bromstad. Looking past the fact that he's gorgeous, ripped, has a fantastic smile, great eyes, looks like he'd give the BEST hugs...

What was I saying?

Oh yes. *wipes off drool* Besides the physical aspect, David Bromstad is RIDICULOUSLY talented. Illegally talented. He put together a living room with the direction of "Modern Rustic". COME ON. And his art is to die for. Literally, I would die for a custom-made piece of art from this man. Or pay thousands of dollars. Whatever.

As I type this, I'm watching The Antonio Project, an hour-long show where the winner of Design Star completely finishes a trashed-out house be bought at auction. After watching this past season of Design Star, it's fun to watch what Antonio does now that he's off the leash.

Honestly, I thought some of his projects were a little lackluster, especially the White Room Challenge, especially since he's this big, burly, tattooed, rough-talkin', 40-year-old Italian set designer who wants everyone to know how edgy and creative and risk-taking he is. That said, he is edgy and creative and he takes risks. So I'm glad they picked him over Dan, who, while very talented, fits the mold of the clean-shaven, polo-wearing, probably-gay, stream-lined designer that's already on HGTV. Antonio has those plastic nerd glasses and a scruffy beard, he's got tattoos all over his arms and chest and neck, owns a bull dog names Chewie, and wears random t-shirts and Converse and camo cargo shorts and a leather jacket. Mold = Obliterated.

I wish I could be an Interior Designer. Watching these shows, the creative process, trying to take a person's life and passions and routine and trying to fit it into x dimensions with y budget? Brrr! That sounds like SO MUCH FUN to me! That said, it also sounds like it's just begging for a micro-managing, indecisive, finicky homeowner to ruin EVERYTHING. Or a procrastinating, incommunicado supplier. Not to mention that my self-confidence issues would make it difficult to present a design plan with enough conviction to persuade the homeowner to go for it. It was also pointed out to me how much education most designers bring to the table--design, art, architecture, even engineering. I completely understand why you'd want all that, but at the same time I don't think I could stay awake through all those classes!

If I ever get the super power of 80's Movie Montage--zipping through long periods of time in less than an hour with a peppy, inspirational song playing along--I'll go for it. Until then, I'll just watch HGTV and sigh. And wish. And drool.

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