I’ve been sitting here for the past hour, tapping away at my laptop, trying to put together a New Year’s Resolutions post.
I’ve also been metabolizing the 12 ounces of energy drink I managed to down in just over 20 minutes on a half-empty stomach.
The post is a bit all over the place. So let me try and sum it up:
This year, I want to improve my follow-through. There have been many, many instances in my life of having Super Awesome Idea that never gets played out. Either I bog myself down with second-guessing or dreaming up possible obstacles, or I get distracted and forget about it until I’ve lost the initial energy that accompanied the idea in the first place. All of these things are bad, and all of them need to stop.
This Follow-Through Program would encompass the following list of things I’ve wanted to do:
[o] Putting together something to self-publish, either on lulu.com or magcloud.com or something similar. The “something” would include my photography, Dad’s photography, or my writing, or any combination thereof.
[o] Finally kick-starting the motor on the “Dad project,” which would put his music (and photography?) online to be listened to, spread around, and purchased. How fast this moves depends on what the upcoming semester looks like, but I am feeling hopeful and optimistic.
[o] Commit to writing. Fiction, private journalling, public journalling, blogging on interesting subjects, anything. I have been having an outrageously hard time setting aside a chunk of time wherein I will force myself to go someplace with nothing but my laptop, a notebook, and my cell phone. Buckling down is required, and I am enlisting Ryan’s help in this.
[o] Seriously think out all the half-baked business ideas floating around in my head. I plan on posting at least a few of them here, whether or not they ever come to fruition. Admittedly, most of them involve excuses to do things I like with friends. Hey, whatever works.
There is also a Decision Making Program that is currently underway, and basically is just me picking a damned school and a double-damned major already. I don’t count this as a New Year’s Resolution thing because I’ve been fussing over the decisions for the past few months, so it’s neither new nor restricted to 2010. I’ve thrown in the bonus monkey wrench of considering Graphic Design as a major, which has both narrowed down the college decision and complicated the “major decision” (hur hur).
I’d say that I’d keep this blog updated with this, but I think I’d be rehashing a lot of what I’ve already ranted about in the as-of-yet-unfinished Achtung! series of posts. Most likely, I will do at least one more rehashing, so you’ll have that to look forward to!
So, there you go. My post on New Year’s Resolutions. All one and a half of them. Wish me luck?
Friday, January 8, 2010
Sunday, December 27, 2009
This Ruth in 2009.
I’m going to start this off on a bad note, for two reasons: so I can end it on a good note, and because I hated this year with fiery passion and I need to get it off my chest.
This. Year. Sucked.
The winter went on for eons and was bitter cold. The spring was cold and damp and unpleasant. Summer started off with an ocean’s worth of rain, then petered out in a humid misery. I will admit that fall and this current winter have not been too bad (knock on wood), but the first two and a half seasons of this year straight-up blew.
The people we lost, dear god. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Brittany Murphy, Ed McMahon, Bea Arthur, Dom DeLuise, Ted Kennedy, Frank McCourt, Les Paul, Patrick Swayze, Walter Cronkite. Icons, idols, heroes, many taken too soon.
Closer to home, a dear friend of mine lost his father this year, only a few months ago, and my dad lost an employer and close friend, as well as had many friends diagnosed with various illnesses, mostly cancers. My boss lost her mother-in-law.
The worst death for me this year was my Uncle Bill, technically my great uncle, who passed away in February. Bad enough that this was my first experience with losing someone close to me, Uncle Bill was essentially my grandfather, something I never realized the magnitude of until it was almost too late. That alone is all I need to say that this year sucked.
The cherry on top, though, was my cousin Zach. In June, he was diagnosed with bile duct and liver cancer, and was given only a few months to live. He is in his early 30s, and is happily married with two small daughters, one 5 and one turning 2 in just a couple of days. Prime of his life, and a horrible diagnosis.
This is where I will start to climb back up.
Zach is still alive, and is getting well. Next month he will be celebrating the sixth month mark of his diagnosis, and the fact that he has so far beaten the diagnosis. The chemo is working, and his attitude is fantastic--he refuses to see that the odds or statistics relate to him, and has been 99% positive throughout. His tumors are shrinking at a fantastic rate, and his upcoming surgery, while scary, will be a huge step towards recovery.
Due to being sick both days, I missed both Uncle Bill’s funeral, and his ashes ceremony. But I got to say goodbye. I visited him a few days before the end, I got to thank him and tell him I loved him, we had one last embrace. I wish I could have made those ceremonies, but I would never trade one for the other. Beyond that, he had a wonderful, full, long life, with loving children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, with a loving wife he was married to for over sixty years. The church was filled to the brim at his funeral, over 300 people came to show their respects. If that’s not a sign of a good man, I don’t know what is.
There were beginnings this year as well as endings. My cousin Aliza was married in April, with a beautiful ceremony and an awesome, fun-filled reception. My childhood best friend, Lindsay, was also married this year, in September.
Many women at Curves were blessed with grandchildren this year, including my boss, whose stepdaughter had twin boys the day after Easter.
I made a lot of progress on many personal levels—I started another program at MCC, made great progress in therapy and with inner revelations, and made huge strides in getting healthier and more fit. I also made my first “big” purchase (a Queen-sized bed) and moved in with my wonderful boyfriend (who is also making big strides in his own life). Even at work, I’ve gotten closer to some of the members (to the point of friending a few on Facebook), and I’m enjoying the projects I work on and what I do there in general.
And, while he is currently acting as a disappointment to many of those who voted for him, I still count Obama’s inauguration as a big plus to the year; I’ve even been joking that we used up all the good karma on January 20th.
So, this year wasn’t a total bust. I still think it sucked, though. And I can’t wait for 2010.
Next post: Resolutions, and where I want to go in the new year!
This. Year. Sucked.
The winter went on for eons and was bitter cold. The spring was cold and damp and unpleasant. Summer started off with an ocean’s worth of rain, then petered out in a humid misery. I will admit that fall and this current winter have not been too bad (knock on wood), but the first two and a half seasons of this year straight-up blew.
The people we lost, dear god. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Brittany Murphy, Ed McMahon, Bea Arthur, Dom DeLuise, Ted Kennedy, Frank McCourt, Les Paul, Patrick Swayze, Walter Cronkite. Icons, idols, heroes, many taken too soon.
Closer to home, a dear friend of mine lost his father this year, only a few months ago, and my dad lost an employer and close friend, as well as had many friends diagnosed with various illnesses, mostly cancers. My boss lost her mother-in-law.
The worst death for me this year was my Uncle Bill, technically my great uncle, who passed away in February. Bad enough that this was my first experience with losing someone close to me, Uncle Bill was essentially my grandfather, something I never realized the magnitude of until it was almost too late. That alone is all I need to say that this year sucked.
The cherry on top, though, was my cousin Zach. In June, he was diagnosed with bile duct and liver cancer, and was given only a few months to live. He is in his early 30s, and is happily married with two small daughters, one 5 and one turning 2 in just a couple of days. Prime of his life, and a horrible diagnosis.
This is where I will start to climb back up.
Zach is still alive, and is getting well. Next month he will be celebrating the sixth month mark of his diagnosis, and the fact that he has so far beaten the diagnosis. The chemo is working, and his attitude is fantastic--he refuses to see that the odds or statistics relate to him, and has been 99% positive throughout. His tumors are shrinking at a fantastic rate, and his upcoming surgery, while scary, will be a huge step towards recovery.
Due to being sick both days, I missed both Uncle Bill’s funeral, and his ashes ceremony. But I got to say goodbye. I visited him a few days before the end, I got to thank him and tell him I loved him, we had one last embrace. I wish I could have made those ceremonies, but I would never trade one for the other. Beyond that, he had a wonderful, full, long life, with loving children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, with a loving wife he was married to for over sixty years. The church was filled to the brim at his funeral, over 300 people came to show their respects. If that’s not a sign of a good man, I don’t know what is.
There were beginnings this year as well as endings. My cousin Aliza was married in April, with a beautiful ceremony and an awesome, fun-filled reception. My childhood best friend, Lindsay, was also married this year, in September.
Many women at Curves were blessed with grandchildren this year, including my boss, whose stepdaughter had twin boys the day after Easter.
I made a lot of progress on many personal levels—I started another program at MCC, made great progress in therapy and with inner revelations, and made huge strides in getting healthier and more fit. I also made my first “big” purchase (a Queen-sized bed) and moved in with my wonderful boyfriend (who is also making big strides in his own life). Even at work, I’ve gotten closer to some of the members (to the point of friending a few on Facebook), and I’m enjoying the projects I work on and what I do there in general.
And, while he is currently acting as a disappointment to many of those who voted for him, I still count Obama’s inauguration as a big plus to the year; I’ve even been joking that we used up all the good karma on January 20th.
So, this year wasn’t a total bust. I still think it sucked, though. And I can’t wait for 2010.
Next post: Resolutions, and where I want to go in the new year!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Oy to the Vey.
I haven’t updated really anywhere in a long while (unless you count Facebook, which I don't). There’s a lot going on, and it would take a long entry just to describe it all.
I have quite a few half-baked blog posts that need to be finished up, including a state-of-the-Ruth one that I’m hoping to post for the new year—either New Year’s Eve, or New Year’s Day. Plan is for that post to talk about what happened in 2009, and what I’m thinking of for 2010 (and beyond!). Since I’m all done with classes now, I have some more time to actually finish my thoughts and finally post them!
Here’s the quickest recap I can do:
[o] Finished classes, did pretty well all-around
[o] Am trying to piece together my next steps, education-wise. This is a blog post in itself, seriously, so I’ll just say this: TOO MANY GODDAMN OPTIONS.
[o] Work is going well, home life going well, health going well (besides a minor cold (yes Dad I’m taking vitamin C and drowning myself in juice)), school is done and is therefore going VERY well ~.^
[o] …ta da?
ETA: Combination thank you to those who read and comment, and apology for never responding to comments! I won't make excuses...I'll just apologize and run away ~.^
I have quite a few half-baked blog posts that need to be finished up, including a state-of-the-Ruth one that I’m hoping to post for the new year—either New Year’s Eve, or New Year’s Day. Plan is for that post to talk about what happened in 2009, and what I’m thinking of for 2010 (and beyond!). Since I’m all done with classes now, I have some more time to actually finish my thoughts and finally post them!
Here’s the quickest recap I can do:
[o] Finished classes, did pretty well all-around
[o] Am trying to piece together my next steps, education-wise. This is a blog post in itself, seriously, so I’ll just say this: TOO MANY GODDAMN OPTIONS.
[o] Work is going well, home life going well, health going well (besides a minor cold (yes Dad I’m taking vitamin C and drowning myself in juice)), school is done and is therefore going VERY well ~.^
[o] …ta da?
ETA: Combination thank you to those who read and comment, and apology for never responding to comments! I won't make excuses...I'll just apologize and run away ~.^
Friday, December 4, 2009
Achtung! Again!
This post led to this post, where I answered the first of these three questions:
1. What is the quality of experience I want to have as I earn a living?
2. What gifts do I want to give to life as I toil at challenging tasks that are interesting to me?
3. What capacities do I want to develop in myself while doing my work?
In this post, I’ll answer the second question.
What gifts do I want to give to life as I toil at challenging tasks that are interesting to me?
I’d like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I’d like to give the world a Coke…
Okay, no, not really.
Seeing as my top priority for a job that I covered in the last post was creativity, it seems fairly obvious what I want to put out into life, the world, and the universe in general. I want to create.
I’m not a musician, and I’m not a physical artist—I don’t want to add sound to the world, or a painting or sculpture. As much as my father might want it, that’s just not what I want to do. I do love to write, and I love to be creative with concepts and ideas.
I’d like to give originality. I’d like to make someone stop and think—wether it’s about a product or about a concept. I’d like to make people react in pleasant surprise, laughing or smiling or even just glazing over as they’re startled into rethinking something.
I’d like to give stories. I love stories, I’ll read just about anything with a plot, and I would love to put more stories into the world. This ties into wanting people to think—the biggest story on my plate right now is about how one man deals with his Christian identity while in a relationship with another man, and a project that’s been on my mind for years is the story of a guy who falls in love with someone online, with no clue as to their gender. I’m not writing them as GLBT stories—they’re just stories about people. In one, the main characters happen to be bi or gay; in the other, while the main character does struggle with what it means for his orientation that he’s fallen for someone who he can’t identify as female, it’s more about his struggle than it is about the possibility of a same-sex relationship. If I do it right, I could really make people think about the messages behind my stories, and even see things from a new perspective.
And both of those things are interesting to me—taking old concepts and turning them on their heads; creating new concepts; developing characters and plots that people can identify with even as they’re scratching their head and saying “Huh, what would I do in that situation?”
There is another answer to the question, if looked at from a different perspective: I want to have kids, and have them also be my gift to life and the world. I want to raise them with good hearts and good values, so there are more good people in the world. Doing so will be interesting, challenging, and, from what I hear, the most fun and awesome experience in the universe. And it will also be work, which I think qualifies it for that question.
To sum up this whole thing: What do I want to give to life? The things I love in it. Originality, good stories, and good people. Easy.
Next question.
1. What is the quality of experience I want to have as I earn a living?
2. What gifts do I want to give to life as I toil at challenging tasks that are interesting to me?
3. What capacities do I want to develop in myself while doing my work?
In this post, I’ll answer the second question.
What gifts do I want to give to life as I toil at challenging tasks that are interesting to me?
I’d like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I’d like to give the world a Coke…
Okay, no, not really.
Seeing as my top priority for a job that I covered in the last post was creativity, it seems fairly obvious what I want to put out into life, the world, and the universe in general. I want to create.
I’m not a musician, and I’m not a physical artist—I don’t want to add sound to the world, or a painting or sculpture. As much as my father might want it, that’s just not what I want to do. I do love to write, and I love to be creative with concepts and ideas.
I’d like to give originality. I’d like to make someone stop and think—wether it’s about a product or about a concept. I’d like to make people react in pleasant surprise, laughing or smiling or even just glazing over as they’re startled into rethinking something.
I’d like to give stories. I love stories, I’ll read just about anything with a plot, and I would love to put more stories into the world. This ties into wanting people to think—the biggest story on my plate right now is about how one man deals with his Christian identity while in a relationship with another man, and a project that’s been on my mind for years is the story of a guy who falls in love with someone online, with no clue as to their gender. I’m not writing them as GLBT stories—they’re just stories about people. In one, the main characters happen to be bi or gay; in the other, while the main character does struggle with what it means for his orientation that he’s fallen for someone who he can’t identify as female, it’s more about his struggle than it is about the possibility of a same-sex relationship. If I do it right, I could really make people think about the messages behind my stories, and even see things from a new perspective.
And both of those things are interesting to me—taking old concepts and turning them on their heads; creating new concepts; developing characters and plots that people can identify with even as they’re scratching their head and saying “Huh, what would I do in that situation?”
There is another answer to the question, if looked at from a different perspective: I want to have kids, and have them also be my gift to life and the world. I want to raise them with good hearts and good values, so there are more good people in the world. Doing so will be interesting, challenging, and, from what I hear, the most fun and awesome experience in the universe. And it will also be work, which I think qualifies it for that question.
To sum up this whole thing: What do I want to give to life? The things I love in it. Originality, good stories, and good people. Easy.
Next question.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Lessons from New York, Thanksgiving 2009
First, my apologies for lack of updates, and lack of conclusions to the two "series" I have going on (one on education, the other on career confusion). I blame a combination of approaching end of semester crunch, recent mood issues, and Thanksgiving vacation.
Speaking of which! Last Wednesday, I drove up to Syracuse to spend Thanksgiving with my stepfather, David, and his wife, Dorita. It was a lovely time. Whenever I go up to New York--either to visit them in Syracuse, or help at the New York Renaissance Faire in Tuxedo--I find it remarkably easy to leave behind almost all the troubles and cares from Connecticut. The first cause of this is an almost total lack of outside communication--while they have internet, their computers are pretty slow, and they don't watch TV or listen to a lot of radio (do I need to explain a lack of communication at a Renn Faire?). Secondly, I'm there with a purpose--at the Ren Faire, it's to sell and generally help out. In Syracuse, it's to spend quality time. I always end up having fun, learning a lot, and wishing that there wasn't a 4+ hour drive from here to there.
Here is a "short" list of what I learned on this trip:
[1] Coin-operated car washes are SO. MUCH. FUN.
[2] How to wash dishes by hand.
[2a] Washing dishes by hand can be relaxing and almost enjoyable.
[3] David would have gone into science if not for the math; instead he got a Bachelors Degree in Psychology, Eastern Philosophy, and Anthropology.
[3] How to make a Chocolate Mocha Cake...the RIGHT way.
[4] In baking, precise measurements are overrated.
[5] Price Chopper has the best guilty pleasures: on one past trip, I learned about their Four Cheese Artisan Bread; on this trip, I discovered cheddar cheese bagels.
[6] Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is an awesome NPR show. It's The Daily Show, complete with celebrities and real news, put on the radio and turned into a call-in quiz show.
[7] Bruce Campbell knows a surprising amount about Barbie.
[8] David brought Mom and I to visit his father when I was no older than three. This is the closest I've gotten to meeting a "direct" grandparent. I have no memory of it.
[9] A pie without butter is still real pie...but only barely.
[10] Ending a visit with a loved one never gets easier as you grow up. It does, in fact, get harder.
Speaking of which! Last Wednesday, I drove up to Syracuse to spend Thanksgiving with my stepfather, David, and his wife, Dorita. It was a lovely time. Whenever I go up to New York--either to visit them in Syracuse, or help at the New York Renaissance Faire in Tuxedo--I find it remarkably easy to leave behind almost all the troubles and cares from Connecticut. The first cause of this is an almost total lack of outside communication--while they have internet, their computers are pretty slow, and they don't watch TV or listen to a lot of radio (do I need to explain a lack of communication at a Renn Faire?). Secondly, I'm there with a purpose--at the Ren Faire, it's to sell and generally help out. In Syracuse, it's to spend quality time. I always end up having fun, learning a lot, and wishing that there wasn't a 4+ hour drive from here to there.
Here is a "short" list of what I learned on this trip:
[1] Coin-operated car washes are SO. MUCH. FUN.
[2] How to wash dishes by hand.
[2a] Washing dishes by hand can be relaxing and almost enjoyable.
[3] David would have gone into science if not for the math; instead he got a Bachelors Degree in Psychology, Eastern Philosophy, and Anthropology.
[3] How to make a Chocolate Mocha Cake...the RIGHT way.
[4] In baking, precise measurements are overrated.
[5] Price Chopper has the best guilty pleasures: on one past trip, I learned about their Four Cheese Artisan Bread; on this trip, I discovered cheddar cheese bagels.
[6] Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is an awesome NPR show. It's The Daily Show, complete with celebrities and real news, put on the radio and turned into a call-in quiz show.
[7] Bruce Campbell knows a surprising amount about Barbie.
[8] David brought Mom and I to visit his father when I was no older than three. This is the closest I've gotten to meeting a "direct" grandparent. I have no memory of it.
[9] A pie without butter is still real pie...but only barely.
[10] Ending a visit with a loved one never gets easier as you grow up. It does, in fact, get harder.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Achtung! Revisited
See? I told you I’d get back to you.
1. What is the quality of experience I want to have as I earn a living?
2. What gifts do I want to give to life as I toil at challenging tasks that are interesting to me?
3. What capacities do I want to develop in myself while doing my work?
One question at a time, one post at a time.
What is the quality of experience I want to have as I earn a living?
This is the hardest question to answer. How do you qualify quality? Number of hours you work at something? What gets done in those hours? How much money you make? What kind of projects you work on? Who you work for? Who you don’t work for? It’s a highly subjective question.
Let’s start with the basic priorities of what I want in a job, and go through those.
Creativity
I want to be able to play with the problem or objective, look at it from different angles, analyze it, take it apart and put it back together. Brainstorm in a group, brainstorm by myself. My favorite assignments in school, ever, were those from Advertising class, where we took a campaign or slogan or advertisement and took it apart to analyze, critique, and possibly correct it.
If my job consists of doing the same thing, over and over again, with no input from my brain, no chance to be fun or different or creative at all, I might as well be a robot. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have that much problem with a job like that—I’d just settle into a groove and let my mind wander and let the hours go by. But I’d also stagnate, and I wouldn’t have fun. I know everyone says they wants a fun job…but is that such a bad thing to want? To not just be happy about work, but be excited about it, be gleeful about it?
I want a job where I take my work with me wherever I go—in a good way. Not because I can’t let things “stay at the office” or because there’s a looming deadline that’s stressing me out, but because the problem is so interesting, so fun to think about, that I just want to keep turning it over in my head and finding new ways to go about it.
Freedom
This priority may actually be the most important. It also got me laughed at at work. Someone asked me what I wanted to do “later” (as in after college), and I said I wanted to work from home. They laughed at me. Not in a straight-on mean way, but in a condescending “That is too funny, you’re joking, right?” way. I’m still a little bitter about it, especially it’s just not as outrageous as an idea as it used to be.
In this world, working from is growing less unusual, and less impossible. The technology that exists is astounding—you can conference from home via phone, conference call, instant messenger, or video chat. You can access work files from home, updating them from home within seconds so your coworkers can run with your changes, either from the office or from their own home. Anyone can buy a combination printer, scanner, copier and fax and have all those capabilities in their office at home, without even taking up that much space. Wifi is becoming more abundant and cellular signals more widely available, while laptops and even printers are growing smaller, so you can access files and work on projects from home, from Starbucks, from the park, from your hotel, from almost anywhere. You can go down to Staples or Kinkos and get your brochures, presentations, or booklets printed out and put together in record time.
The physical office is becoming less and less necessary as time goes by, technology improves, and priorities change.
You know why I want to work from home? It’s not because I hate driving, it’s not because I don’t like people, it’s not because the idea of a cubicle makes me sick. None of those things are true. I want to work from home because I plan on having a home that I love, that is comfortable and beautiful and home. I find the idea that we have to spend so many hours away from our homes in order to afford our homes positively absurd. I plan on working hard, on saving and scrimping and budgeting, on busting my butt in order to have a house that is as close to my dream home as is fiscally possible. And after working so hard for it, I want to spend time in it. Because dammit, that’s the point.
So. I want freedom to do work at my own pace, in my own space. To go at projects or problems in the manner that works best for me, whatever that means. I don’t want someone breathing down my neck, I don’t want insane deadlines that only insane people can meet (normal deadlines are okay, even if I’m not normal), I don’t want to be forced to work with people I can’t stand, who I just don’t jive with. I want to be able to start work when I’m actually awake, not when I have to be at the office, and work until I’m done, not until the office closes up for the day.
I don’t mean I want to sleep until noon, read e-mails and idly type up some bullshit in my pajamas from the kitchen table, ignore the directions or ideas from my superiors or coworkers and do whatever the hell I feel like instead, or wait until 3 a.m. before a major presentation to rush and get everything done. I would get “dressed on purpose” every morning, get up and officially start the day at a reasonable time, have a home office that was dedicated to work and not play, do what I was directed to do and get things done on time.
My own space, my own pace, my own hours, my own way of going about my job. Give me all of these, and I will be a very loyal employee. I will work my ass off for you, I will respect rules and directions and deadlines, I will put in however long it takes to get the problem solved or the project done. I just want the freedom to do my job as is best for me.
Salary
I wish this didn’t have to be a priority, that I could just have a job I love without worrying or caring if it makes enough to cover the bills. Don’t we all wish for that? So, when looking for a job, one of the possible deal breakers will be salary, and if it’s enough to cover rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries, gas, etc. That is, until I sell a dozen novels and become a millionaire who can do whatever she damn well pleases.
So, what is the quality of experience I want to have as I earn a living? I want a job that involves being creative, that lets me work from home (or anywhere else), that pays well enough to cover the bills. That’s the best I can come to answering that question, I think. A quality of experience that lets me do what I love, in a place I love, while making enough to have the things I love.
Answer to question two coming soon!
1. What is the quality of experience I want to have as I earn a living?
2. What gifts do I want to give to life as I toil at challenging tasks that are interesting to me?
3. What capacities do I want to develop in myself while doing my work?
One question at a time, one post at a time.
What is the quality of experience I want to have as I earn a living?
This is the hardest question to answer. How do you qualify quality? Number of hours you work at something? What gets done in those hours? How much money you make? What kind of projects you work on? Who you work for? Who you don’t work for? It’s a highly subjective question.
Let’s start with the basic priorities of what I want in a job, and go through those.
Creativity
I want to be able to play with the problem or objective, look at it from different angles, analyze it, take it apart and put it back together. Brainstorm in a group, brainstorm by myself. My favorite assignments in school, ever, were those from Advertising class, where we took a campaign or slogan or advertisement and took it apart to analyze, critique, and possibly correct it.
If my job consists of doing the same thing, over and over again, with no input from my brain, no chance to be fun or different or creative at all, I might as well be a robot. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have that much problem with a job like that—I’d just settle into a groove and let my mind wander and let the hours go by. But I’d also stagnate, and I wouldn’t have fun. I know everyone says they wants a fun job…but is that such a bad thing to want? To not just be happy about work, but be excited about it, be gleeful about it?
I want a job where I take my work with me wherever I go—in a good way. Not because I can’t let things “stay at the office” or because there’s a looming deadline that’s stressing me out, but because the problem is so interesting, so fun to think about, that I just want to keep turning it over in my head and finding new ways to go about it.
Freedom
This priority may actually be the most important. It also got me laughed at at work. Someone asked me what I wanted to do “later” (as in after college), and I said I wanted to work from home. They laughed at me. Not in a straight-on mean way, but in a condescending “That is too funny, you’re joking, right?” way. I’m still a little bitter about it, especially it’s just not as outrageous as an idea as it used to be.
In this world, working from is growing less unusual, and less impossible. The technology that exists is astounding—you can conference from home via phone, conference call, instant messenger, or video chat. You can access work files from home, updating them from home within seconds so your coworkers can run with your changes, either from the office or from their own home. Anyone can buy a combination printer, scanner, copier and fax and have all those capabilities in their office at home, without even taking up that much space. Wifi is becoming more abundant and cellular signals more widely available, while laptops and even printers are growing smaller, so you can access files and work on projects from home, from Starbucks, from the park, from your hotel, from almost anywhere. You can go down to Staples or Kinkos and get your brochures, presentations, or booklets printed out and put together in record time.
The physical office is becoming less and less necessary as time goes by, technology improves, and priorities change.
You know why I want to work from home? It’s not because I hate driving, it’s not because I don’t like people, it’s not because the idea of a cubicle makes me sick. None of those things are true. I want to work from home because I plan on having a home that I love, that is comfortable and beautiful and home. I find the idea that we have to spend so many hours away from our homes in order to afford our homes positively absurd. I plan on working hard, on saving and scrimping and budgeting, on busting my butt in order to have a house that is as close to my dream home as is fiscally possible. And after working so hard for it, I want to spend time in it. Because dammit, that’s the point.
So. I want freedom to do work at my own pace, in my own space. To go at projects or problems in the manner that works best for me, whatever that means. I don’t want someone breathing down my neck, I don’t want insane deadlines that only insane people can meet (normal deadlines are okay, even if I’m not normal), I don’t want to be forced to work with people I can’t stand, who I just don’t jive with. I want to be able to start work when I’m actually awake, not when I have to be at the office, and work until I’m done, not until the office closes up for the day.
I don’t mean I want to sleep until noon, read e-mails and idly type up some bullshit in my pajamas from the kitchen table, ignore the directions or ideas from my superiors or coworkers and do whatever the hell I feel like instead, or wait until 3 a.m. before a major presentation to rush and get everything done. I would get “dressed on purpose” every morning, get up and officially start the day at a reasonable time, have a home office that was dedicated to work and not play, do what I was directed to do and get things done on time.
My own space, my own pace, my own hours, my own way of going about my job. Give me all of these, and I will be a very loyal employee. I will work my ass off for you, I will respect rules and directions and deadlines, I will put in however long it takes to get the problem solved or the project done. I just want the freedom to do my job as is best for me.
Salary
I wish this didn’t have to be a priority, that I could just have a job I love without worrying or caring if it makes enough to cover the bills. Don’t we all wish for that? So, when looking for a job, one of the possible deal breakers will be salary, and if it’s enough to cover rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries, gas, etc. That is, until I sell a dozen novels and become a millionaire who can do whatever she damn well pleases.
So, what is the quality of experience I want to have as I earn a living? I want a job that involves being creative, that lets me work from home (or anywhere else), that pays well enough to cover the bills. That’s the best I can come to answering that question, I think. A quality of experience that lets me do what I love, in a place I love, while making enough to have the things I love.
Answer to question two coming soon!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
The Great Calorie War of Aught-Nine.
At the beginning of this past year, I got two new things: an iPod Touch (thanks to Christmas money), and a free application called Lose It!. Lose It! is a tool for tracking what and how much you eat, how much you exercise, and what you weigh. I made a New Years resolution to lose weight and become healthier. The first time I entered my weight, it was 162 lbs. At 5’6”, that’s not obese—in fact, while at the high end of the “normal” BMI range, it’s technically not even overweight. It was still more than I wanted to weigh, however, especially since almost none of it was muscle.
For some reason, I decided that the best way to go about things was to eat less. Not eat better, or exercise more (or, for me, exercise at all), but just lower the amount of calories I was consuming. Despite logic, despite having a brain in my head, despite having a brand new program at work that taught us about metabolism and how cutting calories only works when you also work out to jump-start the burning of fat instead of muscle.
Obviously, this didn’t really work—especially since this was one of the worst winters I’ve ever gone through. I’m not good at winters as it is, and this one was long, it was cold, it was wet, and it included a death in the family. My great uncle Bill—my de facto grandfather, as all four of my biological grandparents had passed away before I was born—died in mid-February. It was the first time I had ever lost someone besides a cat. Needless to say, February did not go well in terms of…well, anything.
By May, I had gotten my act a little more together—I was doing better at cutting out calories, and best of all, I started exercising! After a year and a half of working at Curves, I finally got over my weird problem with working out at the same time as members, and started working out every night I worked. Funnily enough, the weight starting coming off a little quicker. Imagine!
Still, I was being dumb about food. I was still obsessing more over calorie count than anything else, such as, I don’t know, ingredients, protein, trans fat, sodium, etc. I had gotten it into my head that calories were evil, no matter what they were attached to, so less was always better than more. Period.
Ryan helped me get over that thinking in June. One day, while out shopping, we decided it was time to grab some dinner and head home. Ryan wanted to get Moe’s, which is like a combination of Subway and Taco Bell—you go down an assembly line and put together a taco, burrito, nachos, etc one step at a time. I consulted my little app, and said no, too many calories in a burrito, but how about McDonald’s?
The look he gave me was about the same as a smack upside the head. I was turning down a real wheat tortilla, real grilled chicken, real beans, real vegetables…for McDonald’s. WHAT THE FUCK.
That very night, after returning home and consuming my delicious, nutritious, not-McDonald’s dinner, I tinkered with my app. I changed it from “lose weight” to “maintain weight.” This was a trick to have a higher calorie “budget,” so there would be this big red bar if I went over a set number of calories. I had decided to start concentrating on quality over quantity.
Except I was still concerned with quantity. I started picking out healthier foods, but I was still concerned over not eating too much, no matter what it was. I opened up Excel (one of my favorite toys ever) and made myself a little chart for tracking daily calorie counts. One column would show the day’s number, and another column would show the difference from the previous day—had I gone up or down? By how much?
I saw this as a tool for keeping myself in check, making sure my counts didn’t start creeping up with the “freedom” I had given myself. Looking back, I just replaced one way of yelling at myself with another—there may not be a red bar anywhere on the screen, but there was still a number, and I was giving that number more power than I was giving myself.
Over the summer and into the fall, I’ve been making better food choices, and I’ve eased up on the tracking. The Excel chart ran out of space as of October 10, and I didn’t extend it. That was the last day I counted up my calorie count. October 26 was the last day I entered calorie information into the iPod app. At first I just forgot to, but it’s become intentional.
I realized that, if I kept up with the counting and monitoring and self-checking, I was going to end up with an eating disorder. Not because I hate my body, not because I need control over something, but because I can lose myself in obsession over keeping track of things perfectly, to the last detail. When I entered calorie information, I fretted over amounts, worrying that if I was off, I was doing something wrong. If I that red bar came up, if I was just a few calories up from one day to the next, I would guilt the hell out of myself. And that’s just bullshit.
I’m eating healthier now than I was six months ago, or even three months ago. Before I buy something at the grocery store, I check the label—not just for calories, but for protein, fiber, trans and saturated fat, sodium, vitamins and minerals. I check the ingredients for whole grains instead of “enriched flour”, sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup, real salt instead of MSG. I choose foods with real ingredients over foods with lower calorie counts, because I’m finally choosing quality over quantity.
Do I always eat perfectly? No. Do I sometimes eat fast food? Yes. But far, far less than I used to, and I choose different things off the menu. Do I still enjoy chocolate and alcohol and other treats? Yes, but only with or after a real dinner with real food, only as a treat, not an integral part of my day’s menu.
And you know what? I’ve been losing weight. I’ve been losing fat. I’m down to 153 lbs. My waist is making a comeback, and the Curves circuit doesn’t tire me out as much as it used to. And something interesting I discovered—I’m less hungry when I wake up in the morning after I eat real food instead of fake food. With the real freedom I’ve given myself, I feel happy when I eat instead of guilty, I feel really free and in control of what goes into my body for the first time in a long time.
I’m done worrying, I’m done guilting, I’m done obsessing. I’m done with putting the power of what I eat to a stupid little computer program. I’m done with not trusting myself.
I’m done counting.
BONUS SECTION!
In Case You're Curious/I Was Bored So Why Not:
The things I consume on a regular basis {plus flavors} (plus commentary) [plus nutrition]:
[o] V8 Fusion {Pomegranate Blueberry} [8 oz. has 100 calories, 100% daily value of vitamin C, no sugar added, and one full serving each of fruits and vegetables]
[o] Carnation Breakfast Essentials {Rich Milk Chocolate} [One bottle has 260 calories, 14 g of protein, 50% DV of vitamin C and Calcium, 45% DV of vitamin A, and 25% DV of vitamins B6, B12, D, E, K, and iron]
[o] Stonyfield Farm Yogurt Smoothies {Raspberry, Peach} [One 10 oz. bottle has 230 calories, 10 g of protein, 20% DV of vitamin B12, and is completely organic] (It also has a bit more sugar than I'd like (39 g), but it's the only smoothie I find delicious)
[o] Hood Milk (1%, sorry, just can't stand skim) [1 cup has 110 calories, 8 g of protein, 10% DV of vitamins A and C, 25% DV vitamin D, and 30% DV of calcium]
[o] Stouffer's Baked Chicken Breast (with mashed potatoes) [one dinner has 250 calories and 20 g of protein] with Green Giant Simply Steam No Sauce Baby Sweet Peas [2/3 cup package has 60 calories, 4 g of protein, and 15% DV of vitamin C]
[o] Woodchuck Draft Cider {Amber, Raspberry} (this is basically the only alcohol I consume, and it's, like, 3 a week. but DAMN is it refreshing) [one 12 oz. bottle has 200 calories)
[o] Guru Energy Drink {Superfruit} [one 12 oz. can has 180 calories, 1.5 g of protein, and just over 86 g of potassium. while it does include guarana, it’s pretty far down the ingredient list, which has is mostly comprised of water, juice concentrates (20% organic fruit juice!), and other natural substances such as echniacea, ginseng, and ginko biloba] (this is seriously good shit. tastes great (in my opinion), and it doesn’t jar you awake or give you the jitters)
[o] Nature Valley Granola Nut Clusters {Cashew, Honey Roasted Peanut} [cashew: 1 oz. has 150 calories, 1 g of fiber, and 4 g of protein; honey roasted peanut: 1 oz. has 140 calories, 1 g of fiber and, 5 g of protein]
[o] Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with any brand of creamy peanut butter, generic grape jelly, and whole wheat bread [one sandwich has 350 calories, over 3 g of fiber, and 10 g of protein]
[o] Cashews, usually generic [1 oz has 170 calories and 5 g of protein]
[o] Vlasic Kosher Dill Snack'mmms [1 oz is about 2 gherkin-sized pickles and has 5 calories]
[o] Apples [under 100 calories, over 4 g of fiber, vitamins A and C and calcium]
[o] Baby Carrots, [1 cup has just over 50 calories, almost 3 g of fiber, over a gram of protein, vitamin C, and tons of vitamin A
[o] Mini Babybel Bonbel Cheese [1 piece has 70 calories, 5 g of protein, 6% DV of vitamin A and 15% DV of calcium]
[o] Sushi (tuna roll, shrimp sushi) [one 6 piece tuna roll has 184 calories, 2 g of fat, 24 g of protein, 3.5 g of fiber; one ounce of shrimp sushi has 30 calories, no fat, 6 g of protein, and 151 mg of omega-3 fatty acids] (I eat sushi about once a week, and it’s something I always look forward to. my regular order is one tuna roll and two pieces of shrimp sushi, for a grand total of 244 calories, 2 g of fat, 36 g of protein, and a ton of omega-2 fatty acids)
As you can see, REALLY not bad stuff. The only thing with high fructose corn syrup is the grape jelly, which is something I missed until after I had opened the jar (once this jar is finished, I’ll be buying a different brand, but I just can’t bring myself to toss the current jar). The "worst" food, calorie-wise, is cashews, and I rarely have that, and rarely more than a handful at a time. I don’t drink any soda, and the Guru is the only energy drink I touch, and that’s only a couple of times a week when I need to wake up a little faster I would naturally. I’m working on putting more protein and fiber into my diet, in the form of more cheese, yogurt, and fruits and vegetables. I also have a nightly supplement regiment of one super-B complex, one cal-mag-zinc, and one fish oil tablet.
For some reason, I decided that the best way to go about things was to eat less. Not eat better, or exercise more (or, for me, exercise at all), but just lower the amount of calories I was consuming. Despite logic, despite having a brain in my head, despite having a brand new program at work that taught us about metabolism and how cutting calories only works when you also work out to jump-start the burning of fat instead of muscle.
Obviously, this didn’t really work—especially since this was one of the worst winters I’ve ever gone through. I’m not good at winters as it is, and this one was long, it was cold, it was wet, and it included a death in the family. My great uncle Bill—my de facto grandfather, as all four of my biological grandparents had passed away before I was born—died in mid-February. It was the first time I had ever lost someone besides a cat. Needless to say, February did not go well in terms of…well, anything.
By May, I had gotten my act a little more together—I was doing better at cutting out calories, and best of all, I started exercising! After a year and a half of working at Curves, I finally got over my weird problem with working out at the same time as members, and started working out every night I worked. Funnily enough, the weight starting coming off a little quicker. Imagine!
Still, I was being dumb about food. I was still obsessing more over calorie count than anything else, such as, I don’t know, ingredients, protein, trans fat, sodium, etc. I had gotten it into my head that calories were evil, no matter what they were attached to, so less was always better than more. Period.
Ryan helped me get over that thinking in June. One day, while out shopping, we decided it was time to grab some dinner and head home. Ryan wanted to get Moe’s, which is like a combination of Subway and Taco Bell—you go down an assembly line and put together a taco, burrito, nachos, etc one step at a time. I consulted my little app, and said no, too many calories in a burrito, but how about McDonald’s?
The look he gave me was about the same as a smack upside the head. I was turning down a real wheat tortilla, real grilled chicken, real beans, real vegetables…for McDonald’s. WHAT THE FUCK.
That very night, after returning home and consuming my delicious, nutritious, not-McDonald’s dinner, I tinkered with my app. I changed it from “lose weight” to “maintain weight.” This was a trick to have a higher calorie “budget,” so there would be this big red bar if I went over a set number of calories. I had decided to start concentrating on quality over quantity.
Except I was still concerned with quantity. I started picking out healthier foods, but I was still concerned over not eating too much, no matter what it was. I opened up Excel (one of my favorite toys ever) and made myself a little chart for tracking daily calorie counts. One column would show the day’s number, and another column would show the difference from the previous day—had I gone up or down? By how much?
I saw this as a tool for keeping myself in check, making sure my counts didn’t start creeping up with the “freedom” I had given myself. Looking back, I just replaced one way of yelling at myself with another—there may not be a red bar anywhere on the screen, but there was still a number, and I was giving that number more power than I was giving myself.
Over the summer and into the fall, I’ve been making better food choices, and I’ve eased up on the tracking. The Excel chart ran out of space as of October 10, and I didn’t extend it. That was the last day I counted up my calorie count. October 26 was the last day I entered calorie information into the iPod app. At first I just forgot to, but it’s become intentional.
I realized that, if I kept up with the counting and monitoring and self-checking, I was going to end up with an eating disorder. Not because I hate my body, not because I need control over something, but because I can lose myself in obsession over keeping track of things perfectly, to the last detail. When I entered calorie information, I fretted over amounts, worrying that if I was off, I was doing something wrong. If I that red bar came up, if I was just a few calories up from one day to the next, I would guilt the hell out of myself. And that’s just bullshit.
I’m eating healthier now than I was six months ago, or even three months ago. Before I buy something at the grocery store, I check the label—not just for calories, but for protein, fiber, trans and saturated fat, sodium, vitamins and minerals. I check the ingredients for whole grains instead of “enriched flour”, sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup, real salt instead of MSG. I choose foods with real ingredients over foods with lower calorie counts, because I’m finally choosing quality over quantity.
Do I always eat perfectly? No. Do I sometimes eat fast food? Yes. But far, far less than I used to, and I choose different things off the menu. Do I still enjoy chocolate and alcohol and other treats? Yes, but only with or after a real dinner with real food, only as a treat, not an integral part of my day’s menu.
And you know what? I’ve been losing weight. I’ve been losing fat. I’m down to 153 lbs. My waist is making a comeback, and the Curves circuit doesn’t tire me out as much as it used to. And something interesting I discovered—I’m less hungry when I wake up in the morning after I eat real food instead of fake food. With the real freedom I’ve given myself, I feel happy when I eat instead of guilty, I feel really free and in control of what goes into my body for the first time in a long time.
I’m done worrying, I’m done guilting, I’m done obsessing. I’m done with putting the power of what I eat to a stupid little computer program. I’m done with not trusting myself.
I’m done counting.
BONUS SECTION!
In Case You're Curious/I Was Bored So Why Not:
The things I consume on a regular basis {plus flavors} (plus commentary) [plus nutrition]:
[o] V8 Fusion {Pomegranate Blueberry} [8 oz. has 100 calories, 100% daily value of vitamin C, no sugar added, and one full serving each of fruits and vegetables]
[o] Carnation Breakfast Essentials {Rich Milk Chocolate} [One bottle has 260 calories, 14 g of protein, 50% DV of vitamin C and Calcium, 45% DV of vitamin A, and 25% DV of vitamins B6, B12, D, E, K, and iron]
[o] Stonyfield Farm Yogurt Smoothies {Raspberry, Peach} [One 10 oz. bottle has 230 calories, 10 g of protein, 20% DV of vitamin B12, and is completely organic] (It also has a bit more sugar than I'd like (39 g), but it's the only smoothie I find delicious)
[o] Hood Milk (1%, sorry, just can't stand skim) [1 cup has 110 calories, 8 g of protein, 10% DV of vitamins A and C, 25% DV vitamin D, and 30% DV of calcium]
[o] Stouffer's Baked Chicken Breast (with mashed potatoes) [one dinner has 250 calories and 20 g of protein] with Green Giant Simply Steam No Sauce Baby Sweet Peas [2/3 cup package has 60 calories, 4 g of protein, and 15% DV of vitamin C]
[o] Woodchuck Draft Cider {Amber, Raspberry} (this is basically the only alcohol I consume, and it's, like, 3 a week. but DAMN is it refreshing) [one 12 oz. bottle has 200 calories)
[o] Guru Energy Drink {Superfruit} [one 12 oz. can has 180 calories, 1.5 g of protein, and just over 86 g of potassium. while it does include guarana, it’s pretty far down the ingredient list, which has is mostly comprised of water, juice concentrates (20% organic fruit juice!), and other natural substances such as echniacea, ginseng, and ginko biloba] (this is seriously good shit. tastes great (in my opinion), and it doesn’t jar you awake or give you the jitters)
[o] Nature Valley Granola Nut Clusters {Cashew, Honey Roasted Peanut} [cashew: 1 oz. has 150 calories, 1 g of fiber, and 4 g of protein; honey roasted peanut: 1 oz. has 140 calories, 1 g of fiber and, 5 g of protein]
[o] Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with any brand of creamy peanut butter, generic grape jelly, and whole wheat bread [one sandwich has 350 calories, over 3 g of fiber, and 10 g of protein]
[o] Cashews, usually generic [1 oz has 170 calories and 5 g of protein]
[o] Vlasic Kosher Dill Snack'mmms [1 oz is about 2 gherkin-sized pickles and has 5 calories]
[o] Apples [under 100 calories, over 4 g of fiber, vitamins A and C and calcium]
[o] Baby Carrots, [1 cup has just over 50 calories, almost 3 g of fiber, over a gram of protein, vitamin C, and tons of vitamin A
[o] Mini Babybel Bonbel Cheese [1 piece has 70 calories, 5 g of protein, 6% DV of vitamin A and 15% DV of calcium]
[o] Sushi (tuna roll, shrimp sushi) [one 6 piece tuna roll has 184 calories, 2 g of fat, 24 g of protein, 3.5 g of fiber; one ounce of shrimp sushi has 30 calories, no fat, 6 g of protein, and 151 mg of omega-3 fatty acids] (I eat sushi about once a week, and it’s something I always look forward to. my regular order is one tuna roll and two pieces of shrimp sushi, for a grand total of 244 calories, 2 g of fat, 36 g of protein, and a ton of omega-2 fatty acids)
As you can see, REALLY not bad stuff. The only thing with high fructose corn syrup is the grape jelly, which is something I missed until after I had opened the jar (once this jar is finished, I’ll be buying a different brand, but I just can’t bring myself to toss the current jar). The "worst" food, calorie-wise, is cashews, and I rarely have that, and rarely more than a handful at a time. I don’t drink any soda, and the Guru is the only energy drink I touch, and that’s only a couple of times a week when I need to wake up a little faster I would naturally. I’m working on putting more protein and fiber into my diet, in the form of more cheese, yogurt, and fruits and vegetables. I also have a nightly supplement regiment of one super-B complex, one cal-mag-zinc, and one fish oil tablet.
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