Keeping it short and sweet as the ink dries on the birthday card:
[o] Weekend was working longer hours than scheduled
[o] Yesterday was Chicago with Sam, BJ, and Raequan
[o] Today is Aurelie's birthday!
[o] and I'm about to leave to go to Lake Michigan with her and Allie
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
This Got Very Long. Consider Yourself Warned.
This started out as a general What's Going On With Me post, but evolved fairly quickly into What's Going On With My Brain a.k.a. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS.
One of the biggest things going on in our life right now is moving. This is fairly all-encompassing, because it's not just The Move I/we are thinking about, it's everything that we're doing once we get there.
Both Ryan and I are planning on visiting a GP when we get back, and possibly a nutritionist as well. It was originally Ryan's idea, for himself, to get in shape for the wedding and just generally become healthier. As he's talked about it, I've thought about my health more, and how much I need to change. Plus, I'm obviously going to support him in whatever way I can, both in diet and exercise. The details all depend on what the doctor's say, obviously, but we know we need to make a lot of changes. Big changes. Cutting things out of our diet, signing up for classes, getting on the Wii Fit changes. The more we talk about it, the more excited I get.
Something else I'm doing when we move is going back to therapy. I had decided this even before the awful summer I've had, as I still have very specific issues that I'm sick of living with. Then this summer happened, and it became a definite. Most of June and July disappeared into a black hole of depression--and I mean that pretty strongly, thinking back on those months doesn't bring up a lot of specific memories. It's a big, dark, awful blur. August brought a lot of normalcy back, but there have been nights where the emotions want to creep up again. Even when that doesn't happen, I've been thinking about it, and I think I've figured out exactly what's wrong.
...Even before Ryan and I decided to move to Indiana last year, we had talked about going somewhere, mostly because his choice of grad schools for the program he wanted was slim and scattered. I knew I wanted to get out of the area, at least temporarily. Not because I hate the place or the people, but because I felt...stifled. Which is a stupid word if you know my parents, but there it is.
It's hard to grow when you live in a place that has known you as one thing for your entire life.
Everyone, even people who loved and adored and supported me, even the people who were the best for me and helped me grow the little I did, still saw me as the same person I'd been as long as they'd known me. In a situation like that, there are expectations, and actions based on those expectations, both conscious and unconscious. Hell, I had expectations, I have no doubts that I've always been my own worst enemy, and have gotten in my own way more and better than anyone else. Ever.
POINT IS. I was stuck. Then we did the biggest, scariest, and best thing ever, and moved 800 miles to a strange place to live and work with strangers. We gambled everything--our money, our credit, our identities, our relationship, I suppose even our lives--and jumped. And we grew. We grew a lot.
Then, over the second weekend of June, we went back home to visit for four days. We had a great time, we came back, we started up our lives again, and then I fell into a hole and didn't crawl out for almost two months. And even though I'm out of it, I'm still struggling, and I finally know what's wrong.
I'm having an identity crisis.
When we moved out here, I withdrew from my classes at MCC and basically ignored my acceptance to ECSU. I had a lot of interests fighting in my head, to the point of just...seizing up with indecision. I decided that, when we got to Indiana, I would just work. I wouldn't pursue marketing or graphic design or art or editing or anything else, I would just work and see what I would do without any requirements, what would emerge naturally. And it did. And it still feels like I want, with my whole heart and soul, to do and be: mother, wife, artist, writer.
But I'm still struggling with other parts of myself. I'm struggling with parts I didn't know existed, struggling in ways I don't really comprehend. If I think about it too much, I get this disconnected feeling--literally disconnected, as if gravity has cut off and I'm about to float away. I feel like vomiting and screaming and attacking the furniture.
Even if I don't think about it too closely--and trust me, with that reaction, I avoid doing so--I find myself...grasping. I'll think about getting a spontaneous tattoo or piercing, going home and getting very drunk, or even trying a drag of my friend's cigarette--I KNOW. That last one, especially, made me realize that I'm grasping at straws, at others' identities.
One night, talking with Aurelie, I re-mentioned that I loved her new tattoo, and how much I really want to get one, especially before we move back. She said that she'd talked about tattoos with Allie, and they'd agreed that, to them, tattoos aren't about tattoos, they're about feeling so strongly about something that they want it permanently on their body for the rest of their lives. She advised that I should think of it that way, not the way of Tattoos Are Awesome I Want One.
And I started thinking about it, and the more I tried to narrow down that One Thing I felt That Strongly about, the dizzier I got and the more I felt like vomiting and screaming and punching furniture.
POINT IS (again) I have some issues going on, and I need to buckle down and deal with them. Thinking about therapy, I know that I'm going to go in there ready to buckle down, and I know that I'm going to spend a lot of time being asked really hard questions, feeling like I'm going to float away, wanting to scream and run away. It's going be really fucking hard, and it's going to hurt like a motherfucker.
But I have to do it. For my relationship, for my future, for my physical health, for my mental health, for my identity. For my life.
One of the biggest things going on in our life right now is moving. This is fairly all-encompassing, because it's not just The Move I/we are thinking about, it's everything that we're doing once we get there.
Both Ryan and I are planning on visiting a GP when we get back, and possibly a nutritionist as well. It was originally Ryan's idea, for himself, to get in shape for the wedding and just generally become healthier. As he's talked about it, I've thought about my health more, and how much I need to change. Plus, I'm obviously going to support him in whatever way I can, both in diet and exercise. The details all depend on what the doctor's say, obviously, but we know we need to make a lot of changes. Big changes. Cutting things out of our diet, signing up for classes, getting on the Wii Fit changes. The more we talk about it, the more excited I get.
Something else I'm doing when we move is going back to therapy. I had decided this even before the awful summer I've had, as I still have very specific issues that I'm sick of living with. Then this summer happened, and it became a definite. Most of June and July disappeared into a black hole of depression--and I mean that pretty strongly, thinking back on those months doesn't bring up a lot of specific memories. It's a big, dark, awful blur. August brought a lot of normalcy back, but there have been nights where the emotions want to creep up again. Even when that doesn't happen, I've been thinking about it, and I think I've figured out exactly what's wrong.
...Even before Ryan and I decided to move to Indiana last year, we had talked about going somewhere, mostly because his choice of grad schools for the program he wanted was slim and scattered. I knew I wanted to get out of the area, at least temporarily. Not because I hate the place or the people, but because I felt...stifled. Which is a stupid word if you know my parents, but there it is.
It's hard to grow when you live in a place that has known you as one thing for your entire life.
Everyone, even people who loved and adored and supported me, even the people who were the best for me and helped me grow the little I did, still saw me as the same person I'd been as long as they'd known me. In a situation like that, there are expectations, and actions based on those expectations, both conscious and unconscious. Hell, I had expectations, I have no doubts that I've always been my own worst enemy, and have gotten in my own way more and better than anyone else. Ever.
POINT IS. I was stuck. Then we did the biggest, scariest, and best thing ever, and moved 800 miles to a strange place to live and work with strangers. We gambled everything--our money, our credit, our identities, our relationship, I suppose even our lives--and jumped. And we grew. We grew a lot.
Then, over the second weekend of June, we went back home to visit for four days. We had a great time, we came back, we started up our lives again, and then I fell into a hole and didn't crawl out for almost two months. And even though I'm out of it, I'm still struggling, and I finally know what's wrong.
I'm having an identity crisis.
When we moved out here, I withdrew from my classes at MCC and basically ignored my acceptance to ECSU. I had a lot of interests fighting in my head, to the point of just...seizing up with indecision. I decided that, when we got to Indiana, I would just work. I wouldn't pursue marketing or graphic design or art or editing or anything else, I would just work and see what I would do without any requirements, what would emerge naturally. And it did. And it still feels like I want, with my whole heart and soul, to do and be: mother, wife, artist, writer.
But I'm still struggling with other parts of myself. I'm struggling with parts I didn't know existed, struggling in ways I don't really comprehend. If I think about it too much, I get this disconnected feeling--literally disconnected, as if gravity has cut off and I'm about to float away. I feel like vomiting and screaming and attacking the furniture.
Even if I don't think about it too closely--and trust me, with that reaction, I avoid doing so--I find myself...grasping. I'll think about getting a spontaneous tattoo or piercing, going home and getting very drunk, or even trying a drag of my friend's cigarette--I KNOW. That last one, especially, made me realize that I'm grasping at straws, at others' identities.
One night, talking with Aurelie, I re-mentioned that I loved her new tattoo, and how much I really want to get one, especially before we move back. She said that she'd talked about tattoos with Allie, and they'd agreed that, to them, tattoos aren't about tattoos, they're about feeling so strongly about something that they want it permanently on their body for the rest of their lives. She advised that I should think of it that way, not the way of Tattoos Are Awesome I Want One.
And I started thinking about it, and the more I tried to narrow down that One Thing I felt That Strongly about, the dizzier I got and the more I felt like vomiting and screaming and punching furniture.
POINT IS (again) I have some issues going on, and I need to buckle down and deal with them. Thinking about therapy, I know that I'm going to go in there ready to buckle down, and I know that I'm going to spend a lot of time being asked really hard questions, feeling like I'm going to float away, wanting to scream and run away. It's going be really fucking hard, and it's going to hurt like a motherfucker.
But I have to do it. For my relationship, for my future, for my physical health, for my mental health, for my identity. For my life.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I Can Haz Transfer!
SO! It's Tuesday. Three days from my last post. I'm getting so bad at this.
The past few days have been mostly good, except when Certain Person is working, of course. They've been good out of work, with True Blood night on Sunday and Design Star last night and hanging out with friends and writing and yay.
Today was looking to be nerve-wracking, and so far, it hasn't. Yesterday, Boss Lady told me that Possible New Boss Man in Storrs wanted to talk to me personally before the transfer actually happened. Apparently they have a problem with people thinking they want to work there, then transferring out, so he wanted to get a better feel for me. I called him this morning, and it went really well. He asked some basic interview questions (worst customer experience and how I fixed it, strengths and weaknesses, etc), he told me a little bit about the store, etc etc. He seemed like a very nice, normal guy, if a bit rambly.
As Ryan put it, though, I tend to do well with rambly people. I wonder why.
Next up I get to call Taco Bell! Last Thursday a charge went through for $11.95 that we didn't actually spend! The bank said to talk to the location, the location said they're not a franchise and it's not possible for them to have done it and the bank or I have to talk to Taco Bell itself. I just know the bank is going to tell me to do it, so that's next on the agenda. Yay.
Hopefully there will still be time for writing before work at 3:30! WHEE!
The past few days have been mostly good, except when Certain Person is working, of course. They've been good out of work, with True Blood night on Sunday and Design Star last night and hanging out with friends and writing and yay.
Today was looking to be nerve-wracking, and so far, it hasn't. Yesterday, Boss Lady told me that Possible New Boss Man in Storrs wanted to talk to me personally before the transfer actually happened. Apparently they have a problem with people thinking they want to work there, then transferring out, so he wanted to get a better feel for me. I called him this morning, and it went really well. He asked some basic interview questions (worst customer experience and how I fixed it, strengths and weaknesses, etc), he told me a little bit about the store, etc etc. He seemed like a very nice, normal guy, if a bit rambly.
As Ryan put it, though, I tend to do well with rambly people. I wonder why.
Next up I get to call Taco Bell! Last Thursday a charge went through for $11.95 that we didn't actually spend! The bank said to talk to the location, the location said they're not a franchise and it's not possible for them to have done it and the bank or I have to talk to Taco Bell itself. I just know the bank is going to tell me to do it, so that's next on the agenda. Yay.
Hopefully there will still be time for writing before work at 3:30! WHEE!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Whyyyyyy
Bluh.
My days off were good. Busier than expected, but good.
Today was an early day. I was originally scheduled to close, 4:30 to 10:30, but I saw that a co-worker of mine had a 7-1 shift. He usually has late shifts and would be miserable, and I thought about how cool it'd be to get out so early, so I switched with him.
...WHY?!?!?!
I got maybe an hour of real sleep last night, the rest of the night was tossing and turning and not-recharge-sleeping. Getting up was painful.
Got to work, and it was fine...until it got busy. And then it got busier. And busier.
Then the power went out.
It was only for a few seconds, but it meant that everything shut off and had to restart. And the customers either didn't know or didn't care that we had a delay, what with not being able to expedite or ring up any orders.
Whee!
It was only six hours, and the insanity made it go by quickly, and now I'm out and have the whole rest of the day to write...as long as I can stay awake.
My options now:
[o] take a nap, take a shower, go write
[o] take a shower, go write
[o] take a nap, go write, shower before bed
[o] go write, shower before bed
I usually avoid napping, I always wake up feeling cranky and groggy and just...off. But seeing as I got barely one full hour of sleep last night...I might be able to make an exception.
And my bed looks pretty comfy...
My days off were good. Busier than expected, but good.
Today was an early day. I was originally scheduled to close, 4:30 to 10:30, but I saw that a co-worker of mine had a 7-1 shift. He usually has late shifts and would be miserable, and I thought about how cool it'd be to get out so early, so I switched with him.
...WHY?!?!?!
I got maybe an hour of real sleep last night, the rest of the night was tossing and turning and not-recharge-sleeping. Getting up was painful.
Got to work, and it was fine...until it got busy. And then it got busier. And busier.
Then the power went out.
It was only for a few seconds, but it meant that everything shut off and had to restart. And the customers either didn't know or didn't care that we had a delay, what with not being able to expedite or ring up any orders.
Whee!
It was only six hours, and the insanity made it go by quickly, and now I'm out and have the whole rest of the day to write...as long as I can stay awake.
My options now:
[o] take a nap, take a shower, go write
[o] take a shower, go write
[o] take a nap, go write, shower before bed
[o] go write, shower before bed
I usually avoid napping, I always wake up feeling cranky and groggy and just...off. But seeing as I got barely one full hour of sleep last night...I might be able to make an exception.
And my bed looks pretty comfy...
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Come On Already!
Oh hey it's Wednesday I wonder when I last blogged...WHUPS.
It's been a hard three days, but not in the way you'd think.
Sunday and Monday, halfway through my shifts, something would start hurting. On Sunday it was my shoulder--I'd get spasms of pain either in the joint, down my arm, or, once, up my neck. It also just...hurt, like a bad ache, all down that arm and the back of my shoulder. Started when I lifted something with my right hand, but then the ache was just constant and the spasms were random. I ended up using my left arm most of the night, keeping my right one close to my abdomen to try and avoid using it.
Monday, it was my right side again, but this time it started in my neck. I didn't get the stabs of pain, but my neck and shoulder and back just ached really badly and felt stiff. Occasionally it would really hurt, feeling like someone was pressing down on one spot on my neck.
Both mornings I woke feeling fine, so I don't think I slept on anything wrong, and then yesterday it was fine, so...I dunno. But yeah, two very long and exhausting days.
Tuesday, I wasn't scheduled until 3:30. I slept in a little, and headed to my store to write. I arrived around noon, and settled on in at the end of the bar. I was going to relax and get started on Bronte's chapter and really enjoy myself.
Around 12:30, I notice some trouble going on behind the bar. Turns out That One hasn't shown up for his shift, and isn't answering the phone. I get a text from my store manager (who didn't realize I was in the store) asking if I could come on at 1. ...Yeah, I can, but argh. No writing for me.
I go on at 1, a little while after That One calls. Oh, he overslept, so sorry. Can he just switch with me, take 3:30-9:30, and I can finish out his shift? Yeah, no problem! I'll be out at 6, I can head to 933 and write! Woo! ...Except around 3, we get another call from him. Oh, now he's sick and can't make it. I'm staying until 9:30. >.<
Yeah, normal shift for me, but still really annoying. For one thing, That One was the only one actually angry when I called in sick a few weeks ago, and that was two hours ahead (per the rules) instead of 30 minutes. For another, I had breakfast at 11, planned on eating before 3:30, but because of him didn't get my meal until 5. HUNGRY.
Right. Anyway. Work at one. Time for breakfast.
It's been a hard three days, but not in the way you'd think.
Sunday and Monday, halfway through my shifts, something would start hurting. On Sunday it was my shoulder--I'd get spasms of pain either in the joint, down my arm, or, once, up my neck. It also just...hurt, like a bad ache, all down that arm and the back of my shoulder. Started when I lifted something with my right hand, but then the ache was just constant and the spasms were random. I ended up using my left arm most of the night, keeping my right one close to my abdomen to try and avoid using it.
Monday, it was my right side again, but this time it started in my neck. I didn't get the stabs of pain, but my neck and shoulder and back just ached really badly and felt stiff. Occasionally it would really hurt, feeling like someone was pressing down on one spot on my neck.
Both mornings I woke feeling fine, so I don't think I slept on anything wrong, and then yesterday it was fine, so...I dunno. But yeah, two very long and exhausting days.
Tuesday, I wasn't scheduled until 3:30. I slept in a little, and headed to my store to write. I arrived around noon, and settled on in at the end of the bar. I was going to relax and get started on Bronte's chapter and really enjoy myself.
Around 12:30, I notice some trouble going on behind the bar. Turns out That One hasn't shown up for his shift, and isn't answering the phone. I get a text from my store manager (who didn't realize I was in the store) asking if I could come on at 1. ...Yeah, I can, but argh. No writing for me.
I go on at 1, a little while after That One calls. Oh, he overslept, so sorry. Can he just switch with me, take 3:30-9:30, and I can finish out his shift? Yeah, no problem! I'll be out at 6, I can head to 933 and write! Woo! ...Except around 3, we get another call from him. Oh, now he's sick and can't make it. I'm staying until 9:30. >.<
Yeah, normal shift for me, but still really annoying. For one thing, That One was the only one actually angry when I called in sick a few weeks ago, and that was two hours ahead (per the rules) instead of 30 minutes. For another, I had breakfast at 11, planned on eating before 3:30, but because of him didn't get my meal until 5. HUNGRY.
Right. Anyway. Work at one. Time for breakfast.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Can Taste Buds Dream?
I texted Ryan on my break, whining talking about my vaguely crappy shift. He texted back with "I'll fix it."
[o] Came to visit me at work
[o] Got me a sourdough roll from Panera (I tried to get one on my break since I was hungry, but couldn't due to lack of cashier) AND a chocolate chip cookie for after dinner...
[o] ...which was...unbelievable. The order was: bottom bun, secret sauce (mayo, ketchup, garlic), hamburger patty (seasoned with Montreal steak seasoning and kosher salt), sauteed red peppers, garlic and jalapeno, Jarlsberg Swiss cheese, barbecue sauce, top bun. Also on the plate: steak fries and steamed corn on the cob.
I usually don't like Swiss, ever, and the barbecue sauce we have is usually a little too sweet for me, and I've never been a fan of the steak seasoning we have, and and and, blah blah blah...
IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING.
I will always stand by Ryan's cooking, he's seriously good, and he's made some of my favorite meals ever...and this may have been his best. It still vies with the chicken-pepper-white-wine-linguine dish, but c'mon, I'm a die hard pasta lover.
Oh man. I will have dreams about this meal. Nom. Nom nom. MAN.
[o] Came to visit me at work
[o] Got me a sourdough roll from Panera (I tried to get one on my break since I was hungry, but couldn't due to lack of cashier) AND a chocolate chip cookie for after dinner...
[o] ...which was...unbelievable. The order was: bottom bun, secret sauce (mayo, ketchup, garlic), hamburger patty (seasoned with Montreal steak seasoning and kosher salt), sauteed red peppers, garlic and jalapeno, Jarlsberg Swiss cheese, barbecue sauce, top bun. Also on the plate: steak fries and steamed corn on the cob.
I usually don't like Swiss, ever, and the barbecue sauce we have is usually a little too sweet for me, and I've never been a fan of the steak seasoning we have, and and and, blah blah blah...
IT WAS FREAKING AMAZING.
I will always stand by Ryan's cooking, he's seriously good, and he's made some of my favorite meals ever...and this may have been his best. It still vies with the chicken-pepper-white-wine-linguine dish, but c'mon, I'm a die hard pasta lover.
Oh man. I will have dreams about this meal. Nom. Nom nom. MAN.
Plans Are Made For Changing.
Yesterday was supposed to go thusly:
[o] Get up "early" and get groceries with Ryan
[o] Settle somewhere and write until 6 or 6:30
[o] Meet up with Aurelie for dinner at Taste of Asia
[o] Go see Crazy, Stupid Love
[o] Go home, eat some ramen, and relax
What happened yesterday:
[o] Got up "early" but Ryan was tired, and Aurelie sent a text saying her plans before our plans got canceled, so could we do an earlier showing after she got off work at 4?
[o] Slept another hour
[o] Get up, called insurance to ensure (hur hur) that the new coverage year for lenses had ticked over. It had indeed, so we decided to hit up Eye Site before groceries and order him some lenses with transition goodness
[o] On the way, get more texts from Aurelie: she's actually going with her roommate (Allie) to get a tattoo, original timeline is back on.
[o] Long story short, Eye Site took quite a long time. But for good reason.
[o] So long that we scrapped grocery shopping and just grabbed lunch and went home.
[o] Met with Aurelie and Allie for Taste of Asia and Starbucks, time to leave for movie came and went.
[o] Hung out at Starbucks for a couple of hours, just shootin' the shit and talkin' nerd, before heading over to a place called Madison's Oyster Bar around 9:30.
[o] After Aurelie helped me park my car (and by help me I mean she parallel parked it for me :D), met Allie inside where she was already sitting with her friend Sarah.
[o] Were soon joined by LeAnna (it was her birfday!) and her boyfriend Brandon, then Sarah's friends Steve and Liza. Drinking and laughter and some fry-eating ensued for the next, oh, four hours.
Long story short, what was supposed to be a short day of errands, writing, and a movie turned into a long day and night ending in awesomefuntimes with people I don't see often enough.
:D
Today is laundry (with shower and photoediting during the wait), then a teensy bit of writing before work at 4:30. It's my Monday. Woo.
[o] Get up "early" and get groceries with Ryan
[o] Settle somewhere and write until 6 or 6:30
[o] Meet up with Aurelie for dinner at Taste of Asia
[o] Go see Crazy, Stupid Love
[o] Go home, eat some ramen, and relax
What happened yesterday:
[o] Got up "early" but Ryan was tired, and Aurelie sent a text saying her plans before our plans got canceled, so could we do an earlier showing after she got off work at 4?
[o] Slept another hour
[o] Get up, called insurance to ensure (hur hur) that the new coverage year for lenses had ticked over. It had indeed, so we decided to hit up Eye Site before groceries and order him some lenses with transition goodness
[o] On the way, get more texts from Aurelie: she's actually going with her roommate (Allie) to get a tattoo, original timeline is back on.
[o] Long story short, Eye Site took quite a long time. But for good reason.
[o] So long that we scrapped grocery shopping and just grabbed lunch and went home.
[o] Met with Aurelie and Allie for Taste of Asia and Starbucks, time to leave for movie came and went.
[o] Hung out at Starbucks for a couple of hours, just shootin' the shit and talkin' nerd, before heading over to a place called Madison's Oyster Bar around 9:30.
[o] After Aurelie helped me park my car (and by help me I mean she parallel parked it for me :D), met Allie inside where she was already sitting with her friend Sarah.
[o] Were soon joined by LeAnna (it was her birfday!) and her boyfriend Brandon, then Sarah's friends Steve and Liza. Drinking and laughter and some fry-eating ensued for the next, oh, four hours.
Long story short, what was supposed to be a short day of errands, writing, and a movie turned into a long day and night ending in awesomefuntimes with people I don't see often enough.
:D
Today is laundry (with shower and photoediting during the wait), then a teensy bit of writing before work at 4:30. It's my Monday. Woo.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Saving Lives And Taking Names.
*does a little dance*
*falls over*
I've had a fear of needles ever since my first senior year of high school, when I got dizzy spells no one could explain despite a zillion blood tests. I've also wanted a tattoo for a very long time, and for a while I thought that getting one would be an awesome way to conquer my fear of needles.
Today certainly helped me get past that fear a bit, but I didn't get a tattoo. (Mom, Dad, you can breathe now). Instead, Ryan and I went down to the South Bend Medical Foundation and donated blood.
I. Donated. Blood.
I never thought I'd say that.
Ryan took a little while to get all set up, since his finger stick refused to go in the vial and his vein didn't want to give it up, but eventually they got him going and he filled his bag in, oh, 4 minutes. Up and moving around and everything.
Me...yeah. My finger stick was fine, I got set up just fine, my blood was cooperating...then the nurse asked me how I was doing, apparently because my lips were losing a little color. I was a little dizzy and weak, so I told her, and the next thing I knew they were telling me to take deep breaths and tilting my seat back and putting wet clothes on my wrists and neck and forehead. Aheh.
That helped a lot, and my blood finished up just fine. I was feeling better, so they had me get up and stand next to the seat. That was fine...until it wasn't, and I lay back down and they elevated my feet again and gave me some juice. Then I felt better again, and Ryan made me drink some more juice and eat some snacks before he finally let me leave.
Honestly, all told, it was a great experience. The worst part of it was feeling shitty, and that was my own damn fault for donating without a REAL meal beforehand. Second worst was the embarrassment, which was unnecessary since the nurses were really nice, and told me that it wasn't uncommon. Third worst was the anticipation, because, c'mon, who's better at psyching me out than me? And hell, FOURTH worst was the finger stick they did to make sure I wasn't, I dunno, diseased or something, and I HATE finger sticks.
The needle part? Barely made the top 5 worst things about the experience, and is totally ruled out by knowing that I helped. I kept telling myself that as I was waiting to donate--"You're scared of a needle? People are dying. GET OVER IT."
Everything else on the list can be easily avoided next time by simply getting a good meal beforehand. And trust me, I will. Steak dinner. Gallon of orange juice. Bucket of chicken. TONS OF CALORIES AND LIQUIDS, DUDE.
Well, I won't be able to avoid the finger stick. But that's okay.
SO, the rest of the day is going to be spent on the couch, drinking lots and eating some and generally resting up. Tomorrow looks to be strenuous...writing at Starbucks and a dollar movie. I don't know how I'll manage.
OH. Best moment of the day. As I was sitting with my juice, chatting with the nurse and waiting to not be light-headed:
Me: (To Ryan) You could carry me out to the car.
Ryan: I'm not supposed to be do any strenuous activity.
Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT.
Nurse: OH! She got you good, man. You walked right into that one.
Ryan: I'm leaving you here.
:D
*falls over*
I've had a fear of needles ever since my first senior year of high school, when I got dizzy spells no one could explain despite a zillion blood tests. I've also wanted a tattoo for a very long time, and for a while I thought that getting one would be an awesome way to conquer my fear of needles.
Today certainly helped me get past that fear a bit, but I didn't get a tattoo. (Mom, Dad, you can breathe now). Instead, Ryan and I went down to the South Bend Medical Foundation and donated blood.
I. Donated. Blood.
I never thought I'd say that.
Ryan took a little while to get all set up, since his finger stick refused to go in the vial and his vein didn't want to give it up, but eventually they got him going and he filled his bag in, oh, 4 minutes. Up and moving around and everything.
Me...yeah. My finger stick was fine, I got set up just fine, my blood was cooperating...then the nurse asked me how I was doing, apparently because my lips were losing a little color. I was a little dizzy and weak, so I told her, and the next thing I knew they were telling me to take deep breaths and tilting my seat back and putting wet clothes on my wrists and neck and forehead. Aheh.
That helped a lot, and my blood finished up just fine. I was feeling better, so they had me get up and stand next to the seat. That was fine...until it wasn't, and I lay back down and they elevated my feet again and gave me some juice. Then I felt better again, and Ryan made me drink some more juice and eat some snacks before he finally let me leave.
Honestly, all told, it was a great experience. The worst part of it was feeling shitty, and that was my own damn fault for donating without a REAL meal beforehand. Second worst was the embarrassment, which was unnecessary since the nurses were really nice, and told me that it wasn't uncommon. Third worst was the anticipation, because, c'mon, who's better at psyching me out than me? And hell, FOURTH worst was the finger stick they did to make sure I wasn't, I dunno, diseased or something, and I HATE finger sticks.
The needle part? Barely made the top 5 worst things about the experience, and is totally ruled out by knowing that I helped. I kept telling myself that as I was waiting to donate--"You're scared of a needle? People are dying. GET OVER IT."
Everything else on the list can be easily avoided next time by simply getting a good meal beforehand. And trust me, I will. Steak dinner. Gallon of orange juice. Bucket of chicken. TONS OF CALORIES AND LIQUIDS, DUDE.
Well, I won't be able to avoid the finger stick. But that's okay.
SO, the rest of the day is going to be spent on the couch, drinking lots and eating some and generally resting up. Tomorrow looks to be strenuous...writing at Starbucks and a dollar movie. I don't know how I'll manage.
OH. Best moment of the day. As I was sitting with my juice, chatting with the nurse and waiting to not be light-headed:
Me: (To Ryan) You could carry me out to the car.
Ryan: I'm not supposed to be do any strenuous activity.
Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT.
Nurse: OH! She got you good, man. You walked right into that one.
Ryan: I'm leaving you here.
:D
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Work Work Work.
Monday was pretty decent, I got out of work at 6:30 and spent the evening at 933, writin' away.
Yesterday, Tuesday, Ryan and I spent the time before I went in to work cleaning up the apartment. Then work was pretty good, I got out early and spent the evening reading and hangin' around.
Today I work with my four favorite people, and it's my Friday! Woo!
Off I go to dress and prepare!
Yesterday, Tuesday, Ryan and I spent the time before I went in to work cleaning up the apartment. Then work was pretty good, I got out early and spent the evening reading and hangin' around.
Today I work with my four favorite people, and it's my Friday! Woo!
Off I go to dress and prepare!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S FOOD!
I MADE DINNER.
I flattened the chicken and cut up the chicken and seasoned the chicken and cooked the chicken AND IT'S STILL CHICKEN. And it was delicious. :D
Ryan taught and supervised and now I can make one his favorite creations, cajun terikyaki chicken, usually served mixed up in a bowl with rice and green beans. We're out of green beans, but we ALWAYS have rice (starch fanatic :D), and it soaks up the spices and soy sauce and YUM.
Ryan is currently waiting for the peanut butter & butter mixture to cool so he can finish up these delicious-looking cookies. We(Ry & Sam & I)'re also waiting for BJ to get home from work so we can watch True Blood.
Hee. :)
Um. Yeah. Work is stupid, but I don't wanna talk about it. I've been thinking about picking cross-stitching back up, or maybe even hitting up Hobby Lobby and try to make a necklace or something. Ryan thinks I'm just frustrated since my photography and writing productivity are a little stunted lately due to work and depression and stuff. We'll see.
....That's all for now! :D
I flattened the chicken and cut up the chicken and seasoned the chicken and cooked the chicken AND IT'S STILL CHICKEN. And it was delicious. :D
Ryan taught and supervised and now I can make one his favorite creations, cajun terikyaki chicken, usually served mixed up in a bowl with rice and green beans. We're out of green beans, but we ALWAYS have rice (starch fanatic :D), and it soaks up the spices and soy sauce and YUM.
Ryan is currently waiting for the peanut butter & butter mixture to cool so he can finish up these delicious-looking cookies. We(Ry & Sam & I)'re also waiting for BJ to get home from work so we can watch True Blood.
Hee. :)
Um. Yeah. Work is stupid, but I don't wanna talk about it. I've been thinking about picking cross-stitching back up, or maybe even hitting up Hobby Lobby and try to make a necklace or something. Ryan thinks I'm just frustrated since my photography and writing productivity are a little stunted lately due to work and depression and stuff. We'll see.
....That's all for now! :D
Friday, August 5, 2011
This Is Why I Shouldn't Make Promises.
Still alive!
Wednesday was a long day at work with good people that was nonetheless exhausting.
Thursday was my day off!...but it took several hours (and four loads of laundry, one load of dishes, and a trip to the bank) before I finally got out of the house and to 933 to write, and as usual it took forever to finally get myself into a good writing flow. Then I had to go home to comfort and feed Ryan, who was tired and stressed and hungry and headachey. Getting dinner took way longer than it should have, and by the time that was all settled it was midnight. BUH.
Today is also my day off, and soon I leave for Goshen, to study/write with Aurelie. There may be hanging out with her friends and roommate as well, but we'll see how the day goes.
Sleep still sucks, mood is still working it's way up fairly well, still have lots of moving details wrestling in my head, still wishing I had a way of fitting extra hours in the day so I could call people before Late O'Clock. I know they/you are all late owls, for the most part, but still.
Off I go!
Wednesday was a long day at work with good people that was nonetheless exhausting.
Thursday was my day off!...but it took several hours (and four loads of laundry, one load of dishes, and a trip to the bank) before I finally got out of the house and to 933 to write, and as usual it took forever to finally get myself into a good writing flow. Then I had to go home to comfort and feed Ryan, who was tired and stressed and hungry and headachey. Getting dinner took way longer than it should have, and by the time that was all settled it was midnight. BUH.
Today is also my day off, and soon I leave for Goshen, to study/write with Aurelie. There may be hanging out with her friends and roommate as well, but we'll see how the day goes.
Sleep still sucks, mood is still working it's way up fairly well, still have lots of moving details wrestling in my head, still wishing I had a way of fitting extra hours in the day so I could call people before Late O'Clock. I know they/you are all late owls, for the most part, but still.
Off I go!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Must Turn Positive, Must Turn Positive...
Sooo I just called out of work. I've slept pretty shittily the past few days, and today it finally caught up. Despite it being a six-hour closing shift, the idea of keeping up with all the prep and dealing with the urns and rushing around...doing all that with mild nausea, dizziness, and feeling generally unsteady scares me just a bit. I'm glad it was Awesome Shift tonight...he'll pull it together, and he didn't give me any guilt for it. I shall bake him cookies.
Otherwise, I'm pretty okay. I guess. At the moment I'm focused on being comfortable and not moving a whole lot, which will soon lead to me settling back into bed with a book, so trying to find an emotional barometer reading...not so much.
But yeah. That's me today: forced rest so I can work my eight hour shift tomorrow, with some relaxing thrown in for good measure. I think it may be good for me on a few different levels. Let's hope, anyway.
Otherwise, I'm pretty okay. I guess. At the moment I'm focused on being comfortable and not moving a whole lot, which will soon lead to me settling back into bed with a book, so trying to find an emotional barometer reading...not so much.
But yeah. That's me today: forced rest so I can work my eight hour shift tomorrow, with some relaxing thrown in for good measure. I think it may be good for me on a few different levels. Let's hope, anyway.
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