The Full Truth.

Here's what's going on:

A couple of weeks ago, my mother had surgery to biopsy a lump in her chest. She told me Tuesday night that the results came back positive. Mom has breast cancer.

This is not an emergency. The "sample" they collected might have actually been the entire thing. She has an appointment today to find out everything, and to see what's going to happen next. Most likely, they'll do some more scans, and they might do more surgery to check out her lymph nodes for any spreading. But unless one of those things actually show anything, she probably won't need to undergo any kind of chemotherapy or other harsh treatment. It may be over almost as soon as it's begun.

I mentioned in yesterday's entry that I was in a crap mood. This is why. It hit me on the way to work, mostly the fact that I am more than 800 miles away from everything that's going on. I hate that almost as much than I hate the cancer that may or may not still exist. I would give anything to be able to go with her to today's appointment. As it is, she'll be accompanied by David Schreiber, one of her best friends for over 30 years, a very smart and very compassionate man who also happens to know about this stuff. He'll be able to pay attention if she's unable to, and comfort her if it's needed (extremely unlikely).

I do feel much, much better knowing that the Schreibers are there, and Dad, and Randy, and other people who can do almost everything that I would if I were there. However, they can't hug her for me, and I hate that. Honestly, I think I need to hug her more than she needs to hug me. She's extremely positive about this, and I'm keeping the same mindset, but it's still a scare, and I still hate that I'm so fucking far away.

I talked to her today to ask if I could call tonight when I get out of work, at 11:30. She reiterated that it's very UNlikely that anything bad or scary is going to come out of today's appointment, and that everything is going to be fine. It really made me feel better. (I also asked if I could blog about it, so this update is made with her permission.)

I'm going to say again: This is not an emergency. Condolences are not in order. If you want to send positive, healthy, encapsulated thoughts at Mom, it is certainly welcome, but there's no need for panic or freaking out. I just wanted to continue with my trend of being honest and open about what's going on with my life.

I'll update tomorrow with further news. Today, I'm going to spend some time playing with my iPad, then go to work and be a good worker bee. As usual. :)