I Might Even Needlepoint It Onto A Pillow.

So, a bit after we got engaged, I went over to Offbeat Bride and joined the Tribe, the forum for fans and followers of OBB who are actively planning their weddings. Reading the blog and forum posts have already helped me start a little post of my own in my head, but today I got help from an unexpected source. Two, actually.

I forget why it came up today, but CE and Shift AB started talking about getting married...or specifically, how they don't want to get married if they can help it. Actually, AB just doesn't want to get married yet, but their point was still the same: they didn't want to be tied down. They're both in committed relationships and don't plan on changing that at all, but they still see a wedding ring as a noose. AB said, almost verbatim, "There are still so many things I want to do!"

I said this then, and I'll say this now, and I'll say it over and over until my tongue falls out of my head, and I feel so strongly about it I'm even going to go over the top and bold this sucker: If getting married means you no longer get to do the things you want to do with your life, you're marrying the wrong person.

AB conceded this, then said that usually getting married led to people assuming that Family Life would begin immediately thereafter, namely Having A Bunch of Kids. Also, "people" usually included the bride, whether the groom is aware of it or not.

Let me get this out of the way now, for anyone who was wondering: Ryan and I are not having kids anytime soon. We both want kids, at least two but maybe three, and we're not putting it off because we're hesitant about that. To be honest, I'm getting as bad as my mother when I see babies in public, to the point where Ryan will start quietly ticking at me until I punch him in the arm. It's just going to be a long time before we can.

The same year we're getting married, Ryan is planning on going back to school to get a Master's in Education--hell, he'll theoretically be starting the program a month before the wedding. The program is about three years long, and it's as likely as not that he won't be able to do a full- or even part-time job at the same time. We may not even be able to afford an apartment, let alone a baby, even if I have a full-time job (and sell photography on the side and whatever else I'll be doing for the next 18 months to save for the wedding). Then, after he graduates, he has to find a good, secure job, and we have to get financially secure enough to have our own place. Ideally a house, but that's unlikely.

So: marriage, diploma, career, home. THEN babies.

If I hear one squeak about babies between the exchanging of the rings and the acquiring of a lease or mortgage, there will be blood.

Glad we have that straight.

And no, this isn't the blog post that's slowly forming in my head, which is tentatively titled Taking Back The Wedding. This is just stuff.

I'm exhausted and frustrated with life in general and I really wish I didn't have work tomorrow but I do so poop.